Cerridwen

Something urged me to pick up my copy of the beautiful book by the amazing priestess Patricia Monaghan, The Goddess Companion,today. The book is organized by date, with a lovely poem and story accompanying it honoring a Goddess or Goddesses from a different culture, and it is not according to a specific year, so it can be used anytime. I first purchased it at my first First Degree Initiation at Ostara 2002, and I strongly recommend it for any follower of any Pagan path, or any lover of Goddesses or Women’s Spirituality and empowerment.

Today, my inner voice urged me to turn to today’s date, rather than paging through at random as I sometimes do. I did, and the message for today, as my inner self predicted, spoke to me deeply:

I am the womb of every hope
I am the fire of every season
I am the queen of every hive
I am the tomb of every life

I am a drop
of morning dew
I am a star
in the evening sky
I am the light
by which you read
I am a word
in this very book
-Welsh bardic incantations

Patricia goes on to speak about how we need not go on a pilgrimage to find the Goddess in faraway lands..She is right here. At this very moment. That’s right. This very moment. I know it is hard to believe when you are, say, trying to keep your sanity while dealing with an annoying co worker, fighting with your spouse, trying to comfort an infant who is screaming in your ear at two am or scrubbing cat vomit out of a hardwood floor (the delight I woke up to yesterday.). There’s a well-known Zen saying that says, “When in pursuit of the Divine, chop wood, and carry water.”. I interpret that , among other things,to mean”look for the Goddess in every day life, and that every movement can be sacred. That’s right. Every one. The Divine is right there. Right here.

Women are constantly under assault and under pressure in the media and given the message, clearly, with few exceptions to hate their bodies the way they are and to constantly push to be different. Diet and plastic surgery industries make millions of dollars a year. I’m not talking about healthy diet and exercise to feel better and to live a more physically active lifestyle. I mean the constant push to look younger,to be smaller , to fit into those pants you wore in high school, to cover scars, to cover greys, to whiten your teeth, to..to…to…

It seems that the you you are now, is never good enough. That you always need another product, another pair of pants, another nip and tuck, another diet. That aging is a horror and not a blessing, and that you are only worth how others see you and what society judges what you are.

Don’t get me wrong. Men are included here, too. Nowadays, more so than ever, with the products growing more and more by the day to include men and to tell them to get in shape, to sculpt their abs and “buns” (I’ve never heard anyone outside of a fitness ad say “buns”..maybe it’s just me.), to use products to, er, keep them “going” , to cover their grey hair to get a job or a woman (those hair colour ads have literally made me throw things at the TV.). To be macho, but sensitive. But not too macho.Or too sensitive.

What’s a woman or man to do??

I want you to do me a favour right now. Yes. Right now. I’ll wait. Go and find a mirror. Big or small. Look in that mirror and see yourself. Really, truly see yourself. Allow yourself to slowly drift and enter a very very light trance, enough to see yourself beyond the physical traits. See the sparkle in your eye, the shape of your mouth that curves deliciously to speak or to smile or frown, the muscles that can move in hundreds of ways.

Slowly see the spirit emerge. See that there is a Goddess or a God there. Really SEEE it. Say with me.

“Thou art God/dess”.

See it. Believe it.

For you are.

So Mote it Be.

*Doing this daily is an excellent exercise to connect with the God/dess within. I recommend it in the morning and/or the evening as a part of a daily devotion, or as a daily devotion if you don’t have time for one or are just getting started!!*

Credit: Llewellyn's Witches Calendar

Imbolc. We Pagans and Wiccans that follow the traditional Wheel of the Year typically learn at the beginning of our studies that Imbolc heralds the start of spring, the first stirrings of the Earth after the long lonely winter has passed….

Really??

I live on the Canadian prairies. As I’m writing this, at around 800 pm CST, it’s very dark outside…the light is slowly starting to return, but at such a snail’s pace that it is barely noticeable unless you closely track it. We, and several of the northern US states, recently had a dump of snow, or a “blizzard” to the states that experience this as unusual activity (to us, this is relatively normal..), so it looks more like Yule than spring out there. The snow is still gently falling against the blackness as I write. It frusterates me. I admit it. I’m not a winter person. I’m a summer girl. I love the ocean, and the bright sun, and the sand…. I long for summer. I long for spring. I long for the green grass and leaves.

Imbolc promises it’s coming. As an educated woman who has seen 31 turns of the Wheel, I “know” that it’s coming. I know spring will come again, followed by summer. I know that the trees won’t stay barren forever and that the leaves will somehow, miraculously, burst from the branches that look like lifeless twigs within the weeks to come. I know that the sun will somehow grow stronger and melt all of the huge snowdrifts. That nature will somehow hear some soundless signal that will allow the temperatures to rise from the minuses to the pluses again.

I often wonder how it all works. How nature knows. How Mother Nature doesn’t get confused and “Forget” that spring is supposed to come, and leave us with endless winter. Sometimes, in my child’s heart, I fear that that might happen. Or, with that same childish wishing heart, I hope that Mother Nature will forget that winter is supposed to come, and leave us with endless summer.

Oh, I’m educated. I went to school, all the way through to University. I was never a sciences or maths person (blech..I deeply respect them, and those that are good at them, but as someone with Dyscalculia, the maths and sciences were always a huge stumbling block for me and I never enjoyed them as a result.), but I know the basics of the environment, of Biology, of the “why’s”.

But, I think one of the wonders of being Pagan is that we retain that same awe and wonder about the seasons, about the processes of life, the same respect and awknowledgement that the life processes around and within us are all great mysteries, and part of The Great Mystery,that our ancesestors did. I’m not saying that this is exclusive to the Earth-centered religions, but us Pagans and our sisters and brothers that follow the Earth-centered paths have a unique perspective of the cycles of life. We don’t just see them as created by Deity…we see them AS Deity Itself. Goddess didn’t just make the seasons..She IS the seasons. Pagans today aim to view the seasons and the natural world with the same wonder and awe as the first people did when the viewed a lightening storm in all its glory, or the ocean pounding the shore, or a snowstorm blanketing the earth. The seasons changing, or a baby’s development in the womb and first breath, or the bird’s ability to soar to incredible heights, is no less miraculous today because we can scientifically explain them;all that science does is explain the mechanics. The mechanics still happen, and the miracles still unfold within.

But back to Imbolc.I promise it all ties in.

I think that those of us that live in climates where we might not “see” the changes of spring as early or as dramatically as other places, which includes those where the seasons might not be as marked as they are in my climate, might question if the lessons of Imbolc really apply to us. I promise you, they really can.

Imbolc translated means “Fire in the belly” : the beginning of new life. The start of something. Catalyst, ignition, conception, a seed. Imbolc to the Celts is also the celebration of the Great Goddess Brighid, She who is Healer,Muse, Poetess, Smith, Great Mother. Imbolc is the seed: the start of something. The seed isn’t always visible. We can’t always see what is going on far beneath the earth, the stirrings of what is beginning. When a child is first conceived, most don’t know right away that a great change is happening. When a great idea or business plan is first conceived, a great deal of work lies ahead: the idea might just be a thought crossing someone’s mind. All of the inventions and progression we see today started with one idea; often an idea that others might have called crazy or impossible. It all seems impossible at first. The idea of spring coming out of a cold, snowy winter;colorful flowers, green trees, balmy breezes, springing out of a snowy, cold, barren land would seem ridiculous to someone that had never heard or seen the concept.

Gardners understand this. Giant, ugly bulbs that look like onions will bloom into e beautiful, blooming rose bushes. Seeds in seemingly gross,smelly manure will burst into vegetables. What is seemingly meaningless or unseen will become seen and transformed.

THAT’S the message of Imbolc. We, too, have the chance to be transformed. It will take some belief on our part. We have to start moving as the Earth does. Put away our “big people” logic and over-thinking for awhile and just give over to the cycles. What is unseen now that we wish to bloom in the coming spring? What do we wish to plant? No matter what we do, we are planting something. If we are thinking negatively…and we’ve all been there…i.e. “I will never get out of debt” , “I will never get a good job”, “That’s just notpossible”"…we’re planting those seeds of doubt, that will grow to full-grown weeds that will overgrow, take over, crowd and choke our goals before we can even plant them in our garden. What to do? Go through and pull them at the root. When they threaten to take over, repeat to yourself, “I’m planting the seeds of positivity”. The more you say positive things to yourself, the more your brain starts to be retrained.

Picture that garden in your mind, now nicely pruned of the weeds and self-doubt. The doubts will still come, so don’t worry about them. Just keep your pruning shears at the ready and pluck them when they come ’round; if you catch them right away, they won’t take root. Every garden gets some.

Ok..now..what do you want to plant? How’s the soil looking? Do you need to water your garden (mind)? Try doing some meditation. Five minutes a day. That’s it. Stand outside for five minutes. Look at the moon or the sun, and breathe in nature, taking in the elements, talk to the Goddess and God (in your head our out loud, as you can). Or, if you prefer indoors, sit at your altar or sacred space, and just sit and drink in the presence.

Think of what you want to plant this season. Invision what you want to bloom. What you want to nurture throughout the seasons this Wheel. It might change. Don’t have heart failure if it does..just picture what you want for now, and it will grow with you. Plant the seed, and nurture it every day in your meditation. Water it. Keep the area clean. Talk to your seed. Nuture it with positive thoughts.

No matter what your climate, no matter how unbelievable it might seem that spring is on its’ way…somewhere…deep inside….your spirit knows. Water that hope. Keep it going. The snow might be on the outside, but the seed is stirring deep within the Earth.

(image is freeware from internet, please contact me if you know of credit)

“Little darling
It’s been a long, cold, lonely winter
Little darling
It feels like years since it’s been here

Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun, and I say
It’s alright“
-The Beatles, “Here Comes the Sun”

As those wise bards said, and as another wise one said, the great JRR Tolkein, “Not all who wander are lost”…I’m here! I haven’t wandered far, but I’ve felt like I’ve been “there and back again”, to continue on the whole hobbit theme.

It’s been an interesting winter for me to say the least. And, as always, on this amazing spiritual journey, everything has perfectly reflected in an “as above, so below” fashion. Even when things are going badly, and I’m tearing my hair out and running in circles like the proverbial chicken without their proverbial head, I can’t help but stop and smile when I see just how perfectly everything on our journey reflects. What we do here, is truly reflected in the spirit realm. Medical practitioners, those of the “hard sciences”, are just discovering today what our ancestors knew hundreds, even thousands of years ago- that our mind, body, and spirit are all interconnected; what happens on one plane, happens on another.

Yesterday, over a cold drink at our favorite googleplex coffee place that shall remain nameless, my best friend and I were discussing the same thing. How we can’t compartmentalize issues. We can’t just look at how and why our home life, for example, is going to hell in a handcart without examining our work, health, and relationships. If a patient presents with certain symptoms at the ER, those are treated first, but next, the doctor should look at WHY these are presenting; what’s happening in their lives? It goes beyond the chemical reasons and those that show up on the lab tests. Of course these need to be treated; but why are they showing up on the lab tests?

As well as being trained as a Priestess, I’ve been trained as a clinical social worker. More of the “As above, So Below” evidence is there: my Priestess training occured very much in tandem with my social work training. I received my First Degree from my first coven in 2002, right after I started my social work academic training. I started with the Sacred Mists in 2005, after I went into the “real world” of child welfare after graduating from the “ivory tower” of academia and the relative comfort of practicum training. I rolled with the punches (sometimes, almost literally..) of being a new social worker in a broken and very real and stressful system as I also learned to be a Priestess in a real world. And they both helped me tremendously. And the training and the lessons? As above, so below.

Second Degree. My very first HPS warned me that Second Degree meant facing your “very worst shadows right in front of you.” I nodded and claimed back then I was ready. I entered social work, and Wiccan training, a lot like Maverick on one of my favorite movies, “Top Gun”. Oh, I was respectful. Don’t get me wrong. I loved the Goddess and God, and my coven. Sacred Mists was the first place I felt truly at home, and I respect and respected Lady Raven and the Council like none other. But I was also confident. “Larger than life” like Maverick. I had had a decade of being a Witch. I had not exactly lived a cushy life. I’d been through hell and lived to tell the tale. I was independent. I was strong. I could make it. Worst shadows? Ha. I was ready! I wanted to be a High Priestess! I’d taught students! I’d been good at it! I’d had my own circle. I could do it.I just knew it. I was going “mach 3 with the wind in my hair”, just like Maverick.

And just like the young pilot, the Goddess had to put a stopper in my jet engine, and let me come down to earth. And I crashed. And it was a “hell of a spin”, just like Maverick. I went back to ground zero, like I had done a few times before, but clearly needed to again. My relationship at the time, which was really a big sham, got exposed for what it was and I packed up and left. But, I did get reunited with a wonderful man and we got handfasted that Lammas..and we are still together today. I ended up having to declare bankruptcy, as during my “larger than life” period I also seemed to think I had endless funds. I ended up getting sick-very sick- and being off work. And living in poverty. A poverty I’d never experienced before. We’d never had much growing up, but we always had food. and clothes. Now, we were worried about our next meal, and how medicine would be covered. Stuff I never thought about before. My car got repo’d. My so-called friends suddenly vanished. A job that I thought I loved and that the people were like family? Well, suddenly it was as if they were all wearing masks, and the masks dropped when my chips were down…and it revealed their true selves. Selves that suddenly weren’t interested in me any more now that I was “broken”

Then something else happened. I learned that a big part of the Maverick persona for me, the girl that could do anything, was really part of my being sick. I had bipolar disorder. A long odyssey was to follow-and is really still going on. I finally found a good specialist and the right meds that slowly are unlocking the combo to my brain. There are good days, and bad days.And tired days.And side effect days. But I’m getting there.

Towards the close of the Second Degree, I had to smile.I had felt so scared when I saw the cocky young personna slipping away. Was my confidence going? I saw that for a bit I became more timid. I was questioning myself. Could I lead that rite? Could I write that meditation? Oh geez, did I do okay in that study hall? Then, slowly, and still, it’s becoming a balance. I remember at the end of “Top Gun”, after Goose dies (which still makes me cry) when Maverick approaches his teacher about graduation. He then shows up for convocation and learns to fly again, and becomes an instructor. He’s still got the old fire, but he’s not quite the cocky, full-of-crap pilot he used to be. He’s matured.

That’s becoming me. Now that I’m into the Third Degree…I’m turning outward. I’m rubbing my eyes and finally coming out of my shadows. I’m seeing what needs to be “cleaned up”..in my house, in my life, in my relationships, in the world. I’m learning balance. I realize that I should be questioning how I’m doing, if I’m doing ok, am I doing my mentees justice, etc. It’s not about me, it’s about them, it’s about balance. Maverick learned that it wasn’t just him ripping through the skies doing mach 3; it was about teamwork and fairness, and friendship. I always knew that, don’t get me wrong.My problem was I was either selfish or selfless: doing too much for self or not enough for self. I’m finding my footing.

Third Degree, so far, to me is finding new glasses. At first, it was like putting on 3 D specs and seeing the world as it should be for the first time and being amazed. Second, was taking off the glasses, and having to turn in and do the “nitty gritty” and clean the interior windows. At Third, I get a new pair of glasses: I can see in and out at the same time, and have to learn to balance the two.

I may not be there yet, but with the help of my wonderful HPS Lady Raven and my brothers and sisters in the Mists, I’m well on my way.