There’s comfort found within “thinking inside the box” philosophy.
I went to a very conservative Roman Catholic high school. I was coming from a very liberal, Jesuit parish that stressed social justice and religious scholarship over obedience to dogma and strict observation to Catholic teaching. It was quite different at my new school, which was more like a pre-Vatican 2 way of thinking.

Believe it or not,at first I really liked it. We were told exactly what to do and what to believe in order to be “good”. If I had a question, there was an answer. Mortal sins equated Hell, until you repented properly and went to Confession. Your penance was ten Hail Mary’s. You didn’t go to Communion unless you had been to Confession first, and things followed the letter of Catholic Canon. No questions.

I liked the throwback, first of all. I felt like a Catholic in a 50′s movie, with my “modest” plaid kilt and white blouse, with a priest that still gave Absolution in Latin, and where most still didn’t eat meat on Fridays. It felt safe. I didn’t have to question anything, the answers were all cut and dried.

But there was one problem; my brain doesn’t work that way. I had already had years of open-minded and “question everything” values placed into me from childhood; my mother had been a lapsed Catholic who embraced Yogic theory. She told me stories about the Ashrams, where there were images of various “Gods” or teachers, such as Jesus, Krishna, and the Buddha. One could choose to honor God in their own way by relating to the images they felt most comfortable with; all were seen as equals. One teaching of my Mother’s which sticks with me to this day is that “God isn’t some old man with a long white beard sitting on a throne;He is everywhere.”

The Catholic church I attended as a teenager, I was free to debate with the priest. In fact, he enjoyed it. We were told to “question everything, and when we get to the root, that is where our adult faith will be.”

I was led to Wicca at age nineteen through searching for the female face of God. I felt a strong call to Wicca and Paganism, it felt as if these were ways I’d followed before, and were meant to follow now. It was liberating from the dogmatic, fundamentalist ways I had come from in the Catholic Church, where even in my liberal parish, orders came from Rome and certain teachings were not to be questioned, if one wished to remain a Catholic.

So, imagine my surprise when, within this non-dogmatic and multi-faceted religion, I encountered fundamentalism and narrow-mindedness. Just like not every Christian lives by the teachings of Christ, I didn’t expect Wiccans to be perfect. But I also didn’t expect being told that certain ways of practicing Wicca were somehow “wrong” or “lesser than”. That is one didn’t practice according to Gardnerian or Alexandrian tradition, one was practicing “Neo-Wicca”, a phrase often used with disdain by very fundamentalist Wiccans, usually (to my experience), followed by the derogatory insult of “fluffy bunny”, or “newbie”.

I’ve been reflecting this recently after begrudgingly participating in a flame war on an online forum on Wicca. A querent had asked about whether or not online Wiccan classes are worthwhile. I informed that I certainly thought so and told them a little about my chosen tradition, the Sacred Mists, and provided this link for them to learn more. I then sat back and waited for the inevitable fall out.

Yep, it happened. GASP! Said the fundie-Witch. If one is to practice Wicca “properly”, online schools are of no use at all! The comments seemed to deteriorate from there, and I won’t add fuel to the proverbial bale-fire that followed.

I hadn’t said that my way was the only way, or that my chosen tradition was the answer for everyone. I simply told my experience, and stated that it was the right way FOR ME, and that if this person wished quality on-line training, that I recommended the Sacred Mists. I added that yes, I had had several years experience on and offline (not that it should matter one way or the other; the opinion of a new Wiccan and/or a seasoned one should count equally, I think.), and that this was honestly the best tradition and program that I had found out there.

I’m not at all perfect, and am the very first to admit that. But I REALLY don’t understand why people get so caught up on what is “acceptable” Wiccan practice and what isn’t. Squibbling about whether Mary Sue should use an athame or a wand to cast circle, or saying that Rob isn’t “really”Wiccan because he happens to like and read Silver Ravenwolf’s books (Really.That’s happened to me a few times. I, for one,really like Silver’s work and have gotten roasted for it several times.), and arguing that Sharon must be a “fluffy bunny” because she accidently walked deosil instead of widdershins or faced East when it should have been West (It happens…), to me is a waste of time, and the reverse of everything Wicca stands for. Wicca is supposed to be personal and empowering, and a religion where one is allowed to make choices about where and how they worship.

Now, I know what some might say to this. That there ARE central teachings to Wicca, and that those that call themselves Wiccan and practice contrary philosophies do Wicca harm, as they give the wrong impression to others, and that they should be corrected. Well, yeah. If Wanda Witch says that animal sacrifice and dancing naked under the moon in the city park are requirements to being Wiccan, that’s one thing. But if Walter Witch happens to read Silver Ravenwolf,practice online, and not subscribe to every single Gardnerian teaching, that is quite another.

Think of it this way; if we think all Wiccan teaching is garbage unless it came out of Gerald Gardner’s mouth, or that things have to be done just as our forefathers and mothers practiced them in order to be “authentic”..then we are truly limiting ourselves and pretty much guaranteeing that Wicca could go the way of the dodo for our future generations. The Catholic Church has members heading for the hills and great internal division due to its’ archaic teachings on abortion, birth control, and female clergy,among other things. If the masses refuse to accept someone as a Wiccan, or attack their practices because they are different, then we are basically pushing a stick into the spinning wheel of progress.

Wicca is progressive. It’s dynamic. It’s fluid. We DO owe thanks to our forebearers that blazed the trail for Wiccans today. But I honestly think that if Gardner was still around, he’d change a few things to suit the times. Wicca is open to interpretation and can be bent and shaped to how it relates to us personally.

Maybe the Gods are laughing at us for such trivialities. Maybe they point and say, “Look at those silly humans, arguing over what color the altar cloth should be. They’re missing the whole point. A glorious sunset, a mighty rainstorm, and a powerful wind just passed them by and they didn’t even notice..sigh.”

I think that we need to expand the circle a little wider. To realize that Wicca is kind of like ice cream; there are a zillion different flavours, brands, and colors, but in the end…we are all the same.

(originally published July 30/08)

I recieve these meditations daily at work, I find that they help me focus. They are availiable at www.whitebison.org, if you wish to check it out.
Today’s especially spoke to my heart. 
 

Great Spirit, allow me this day to be humble. Allow me this day not to seek attention, but to live quietly and keep my focus and attention on serving You.

Learning the "…To Keep Silent" portion of Wicca has been and is a challenge for me, but I think it is a worthy one, especially when I see that "witch wars" and one up-manship in our community is far too common. .  I’m not leaving myself out of that equation, but that is one reason that I stepped back into the shadows of the local community. Too much gossip, heresay, backstabbing, etc. It can become toxic. People out to prove who is a "real" Witch and who isn’t rathar than worrying about their own spirituality. This is not meant towards anyone here, just a general commentary. I’m not good at sitting back and watching (as a Leo, we tend to want to take charge, and I seem to have the inborn desire and aptitude for leadership which is not entirely a bad thing at all, if tempered), but sitting back and observing the "community" from the bleachers rathar than the stage seemed to give me the insight I needed. I’m proud to serve my community as a Priestess, and actually found that since I’ve become "quieter" during my descent to the Second Degree, that people have more sought me out rathar than the other way around. I don’t hide it, just don’t offer too much information to everyone (see one of my previous posts , last week, about my thoughts on wiccan mysteries etc.) . Moving into what the brilliant Starhawk coined "dropped and open attention", observing the world around me from a centered point, has given me a differing perspective. Maybe some people don’t need to go through the Descent process when we move away from others for a time to find ourselves, but I did, and it has served me well. The Priestess-path is isolating, but there are beacons along the way.  I think that this Old Wisdom about the Medicine Man applies to us in Wicca, too. 

I’ve found that the people that
"proclaim" the loudest often dost protest too much..they are looking for attention for a reason. I’m not immune from that category, either. Silence and patience are twin virtues that are huge struggles for me. But, I think in a society (beyond wicca or witchcraft, meaning North American society as a whole) that largely values itself on who is loudest, who is most popular and "out there", there is something to be said for those who watch and sit and keep it all in balance, like the Medicine Man. I’ve been trying to apply this lesson at work. Normally, at a new job, I’m there like a dirty shirt and making myself known. A wise manager I once had told me that sometimes it’s best to come in quietly, observe, don’t rock the ecosystem and learn from what is around you. This isn’t being passive, it’s giving someone else’s space and ways of knowing respect.  Knowing when to speak and when to listen are still challenges for me, but I am learning. I’m learning to find the value and peace that is quietness, because quietness and silence are normally things that admittedly make me uncomfortable and I want to fill them up with words. It was actually a wise Jesuit (Catholic) priest that told me once that if we can’t be comfortable with ourselves in the Silence, then something within is wrong, because we hear all the truths in silence.  I read that Medicine people don’t belong to themselves, they belong to the people and that is why thier lives often don’t feel like their own (I read this in a brilliant book called "Stolen Life: the Journey of a Cree Woman" by Rudy Wiebe and Yvonne Johnson, truly an amazing story but very graphic and "real" , could be a trigger for many as it involves discussion of abuse.). I think too often society tells us to be out for our own glory, and those that quietly serve the community get lost in the sidelines. Or do they? I think of them as the "ritual keepers" (I can’t remember her term, but that is how I thought of it) that Starhawk described in one of her books (It was either "Twelve Wild Swans" or "Spiral Dance"..I think the former) , which is when a Priest/ess, normally veiled, is asked to sit just outside the ritual and to hold the energy of the Circle and to ensure that things are flowing smoothly. Traditional Aboriginal practices have this, too, at a Pow-Wow, called an "arena director"..this used to be an elder , normally a grandmother, that would sit and watch everything, and make sure that the protocol was being followed. This was seen as being as the Eagle, sitting from a vantage point and watching. I’ve learned a great deal from starting to immerse myself more in my Native culture. Traditionally, Native people didn’t make idle conversation or feel a need to. They only spoke if they had something to say.
 A lesson that I need to learn dearly. 
Well, that is my "deep thought" for the day. I hope that your day goes well.
Namaste, Ekosi,Meegwetch!!

(originally written on Dec.1, 2008)

One of the things that disheartens me most about the Craft is the “Witch Wars” and nit-pickiness that seems to plague our numbers. I’m aware that this happens in every group, but I think that the Craft seems to, from my personal experience, have a special challenge in this regard.

Part of the reason is that we have no confirming, central hierarchy. For example, in Roman Catholicism (where there also is spirited debate), a well-versed RC can always check the official teachings of the Church, straight from the Pope, and while these can be debated, these are Catholic teachings according to dogma and tradition, so really these are the “final word” according to their faith. There is no “Wiccan Pope”, which I think is a good thing (can you imagine??), so therefore the teachings and traditions of Wicca, what makes a Wiccan Wiccan (can you say that ten times fast? ), are really and truly, open for discussion. The problem is that, some people cannot discuss this civilly, or get very hung up on the fact that their version of the Craft is the “right” version, and other people are deemed “fluffy bunnies” or just plain “wrong”. The conundrum is..in the Craft, unless someone is blatantly practicing against our rede and moral code and harming others or themselves, there really IS no “right version” by our very nature, that we are non-dogmatic. This leaves a lot of people scratching their heads and bickering, and admittedly, it puzzled me, too, on first entering the Craft. Especially as I came from a Roman Catholic environment, where it is clear what the teachings and beliefs of the Church are (although, individual mileage varies, as it does in any religion).

Generally, whether we are from a religious background or not, in mainstream North American society, our minds are trained to think in a somewhat linear, emperical fashion, no matter how liberal we may be in our thinking. We prove things through science. There is “hard evidence” for much of our reality. We have set societal norms and laws that are rooted in linear, patriarchal thought.

So, it is a big stretch for all of us (myself included) to wander out of that box and come to a way of thinking that is non-linear and encompassing that is the Craft. Trying to think of the Craft as another philosophy, in which there is a central confirming voice or example to compare everything by, is impossible, because it doesn’t work that way. It’s a practice and a religion that thinks differently. Islam, Christianity, and Judaism, while drastically different in teaching and practice from one another, have a common thread..they are rooted in the same tradition. Ours is not. We are shamanic, dynamic, non-dogmatic (I sound like I’m breaking into the chorus of “Greased Lightening!” , but I promise, I’m getting somewhere with this.), and non-linear. We don’t have holy writ, scripture, or an emperical type religion. Our true teachers are nature, the earth, the spirits. This type of “knowledge” cannot be tested with a yardstick or studied under a Bunson Burner. Yes, we do have traditions of Wicca, some more rigid than others, but none of these are deemed “better” or “more Wiccan” than others, although some might think them to be, by our very roots and nature..our true teacher is ourselves, and therefore, this makes our beliefs relative.

The reason I’m contemplating this, not for the first time, is my forays into open Wiccan online communities recently. I am remembering why I retreated. The rudeness, nastiness, back-stabbing and arrogance seems to be prominent. I’m trying not to sound judgemental here, but really..I am opinionated. I spoke up when I disagreed on the forum (Wiccans Together, I can’t provide the link at work. But so far, it’s striking me more as “Wiccans Bicker”;with a free-for-all death cage match for the masses to watch.), but I don’t think I was rude or lofty, I made an effort to be polite. But it seems that some Wiccans or Pagans seem to feel that our “Do what thou wilt” code and independent spirit (both GOOD things) give absolute license to be rude and nasty to all and sundry, to brag about one’s own achievements (one person went on about how they “personally know” someone that knew Gerald Gardner, and therefore incinuated that they have the “straight goods” on his life. . Gasp! Well, color me impressed..I guess that MUST make them right then. Whoops. Here biographers have been arguing about this for fifty years, but Joe Schmoe on a website has all the information! Start the presses!!! Not only is this information next to impossible to confirm, but that doesn’t make his information or stance any more “right”. Because there is no “one true and right way” in Wicca. Gardner himself admitted to forming his Tradition from a variety of sources that went before him; The OTO, Crowley, Estoric texts, etc etc. And Gardner was a human. So was Alex Sanders, and Aleister Crowley, and so is Starhawk. All may have wisdom, but they are not the “Grand Pooh-Bahs” of Wicca or Paganism. Gardner might be the “Grandfather” of the modern Craft movement, but this doesn’t mean that he didn’t mess up. It doesn’t mean that some of his teachings don’t need to be scrapped and restarted, or can’t be. We’ve come a long way, baby, since the 1950′s. That doesn’t mean we should chuck out the proverbial baby with the proverbial bathwater, but insisting that Craft is only Craft when it is “Gardner stamped” is ridiculous, in my mind. Then the innumerable Wiccans and Pagans across the world that practice differently must all be wrong, and this religion is far more dogmatic than I thought.

Using this person’s “logic”, then the only Crafters that are getting it right are Gardnerians. And even then, this is going back fifty years. I doubt things stayed stagnant and marched on in an unswerving line for those fifty years. In fact, I know they didn’t, and history backs my claim. (although I don’t “personally know” anyone that knows Gardner, so I could be wrong…sorry.). Maybe my bickering here comes across as hypocritical in light of how I feel that Crafters are just too nasty and back stabbing in many cases, but this is a vent. This is only a vent. Had it been a real post and repsonse on a forum, I would and have been much more polite. . I need to blow off steam, and realize the pure irony of this post.

Then, always comes the question, “Well, what makes Wicca, Wicca, then, if it is so loosey-goosey and “do your own thing”"? This question was posed to me by my mother after I first became interested in the Craft, over ten years ago. It left me tongue-tied because, at the time, I couldn’t really answer it. She said it sounded odd that someone could just call themselves “Wiccan”, technically, yet really have a hodge-podge of whatever beliefs they wanted, because no one would confirm or deny them.

There are commonalities. Such as the Rede, The Threefold law, the observance of Sabbats and Esbats, etc. But these milages also very. A prominent HPS and teacher, Phyllis Curott, for example, does not believe in the Threefold law. Some Wiccans do not observe all the sabbats.

I think until we have the Church and Pope of Wicca (in which case, run for the hills, Ma Barker, because I can just imagine what that would look like!) We can speak to what our commonalities are as Wiccans (in general) and what Wicca is to us, but there will always be someone that disagrees. And by our very nature, this has to be okay, otherwise we’re going against the very grain of our foundations, which are non-dogmatic. I think that is largely what defines the Craft. We have no dogma. We have beliefs, but these are up for debate and discussion.

Unfortunately, it seems that many people have not yet learned to put on thier “listening ears” and “polite voice” on online forums. Or in person. I stopped going to many local public events because they felt more like gossip fares or Witch n’Bitches and ceased to be about the Goddess and God for me. I would leave feeling disgruntled and disoriented. That said, I have Wiccan and Pagan friends in the city I dearly love (and yes, you are the ones on my LJ!!!), and yep, sometimes we disagree with eachother. But I deeply respect their viewpoints . I may not practice or agree with them, but I respect them, and I try to show that. I have, on occasion, inserted my foot firmly into my mouth and said something deemed insulting, as we all have, but I try not to make that a regular practice.

Another stitchy-bitch…The rampant hatred of Christians that seems to be plaguing many Pagan and Wiccan communities. I was a moderator of a very popular and large Wiccan website ( Celtic Connection) in the mid-nineties. I often chuckled at how people on there complained about being persecuted and misunderstood by our Christian friends, then would have the audacity to completely trash and belittle the Christian religion. Sometimes, this came out of hurt..for example, many had come to the Pagan/Wiccan religion from having really bad and even abusive encounters with the Christian church. I “get” that. But painting the whole religion with one brush and feeding the Christians to the lions (metaphorically, I hope), they were doing the exact same thing that they were accusing others of doing to them! Or, the insistance that Wicca was somehow “better” than the Christian religion and calling Christians fools or idiots or “sheep” for what they believe. NO, NO, NO. Sure, there are some blind followers in Christianity..but there are also many in Paganism or Wicca. Christianity is every bit as valid and every bit as beautiful as Wicca is. The paths are just not for everybody. If people stay in that little dark corner of the “We hate Christians” club, they don’t make peace with others, or themselves, and are just propagating the myth that Wiccans are bad, nasty people that hate Christians. I know when I first encountered Wiccans online and was still clinging to a lot of my vestal Christianity (or , more properly, seeking the path for me.), I was appalled at the sheer nastiness towards Christians and it made me wonder if maybe all of the “preacher characters” I’d heard WERE right, that this path was evil because they seemed to hate Christ and Christians so much. Thankfully, I met other Wiccans that were nothing like this and set me straight, but it was very interesting to get that perspective straight off. Also, the belief that we Wiccans are somehow more “Speshal” or “Smrt” than other religions bugs the heck out of me. Some of the most brilliant minds in the world are/were Christian..CS Lewis, GK Chesterton, JRR Tolkein, for example. Christians aren’t all money-grubbing evangelists driving around in cadillacs, or backwoods hillbillies that “don’t know better”. I was raised in a Jesuit Catholic Church by some of the most intellectual elites I’ve ever met to date. You could disagree with a Jesuit (if you wanted a spirited arguement!) but you couldn’t call them “Stupid” or “Hicks” by a long shot. The same way we are not all “Wanda the Wacky Witch” stereotypes, waltzing about town in walking Witchy stereotype, nor are Christians. To get respect, you have to dish it out, too. This doesn’t mean I respect everyone that is a Christian. Far from it. I have serious issues with the likes of Falwell, Buchanan, or Hinn. But so do many Christians. What I’m saying is a generalized respect has to be there if we are ever going to get anywhere. This is how wars start. Intolerance, Rumors,Prejudice…think of the Witch hunts. Not really much different, at the base level.

This all brings me to a positive note. I am amazed, given all of the nastiness that often floats on online forums (Wiccan and non-Wiccan, sectarian and otherwise. Put a computer in front of people and it seems they think that that gives them the license to be as rude as they please, in many cases). , that my coven and tradiiton, which is primarily online, is so overwhelmingly positive. I’m not saying it’s “better” than anyone else’s, so no ruffled feathers, please. I’m just amazed that our flare-ups and arguements have been kept to a bare minimum. I see that as through the sheer effort of our High Priestess and Student Council to try to make our environment as positive as possible. And they do! That’s the amazing thing. It IS possible to have a friendly environment and to have people that have differences of opinion. We are an eclectic tradition, so we have many people from many different backgrounds and beliefs. Our community is also an online College, so not everyone is part of the tradition but may be there for the learning opportunity. And seriously…it is one of the most positive environments I’ve ever experienced. I’ve seen this in real life with my dear Wiccan friends, too. We often disagree, but can be civil about it. I’m not saying we all need to be passive, smiling drones who agree with one another (creepy…shades of Stepford), but we can learn to debate and have differences of opinion in a civilized manner.

I think that if there was to be a downfall of the Craft (and there won’t be, or at least, it is highly unlikely), it would likely be caused by..ourselves. Our own bickering and in fighting and back stabbing. It needs to stop. Wiccans and Witches are progressive and dynamic and different, and there is room on the Goddess’s lap for all kinds of children.

It’s time to wake up and get that. and that’s Priestess Yemaya’s sermon for the day.

(((dusts self off, steps down from soapbox..))

Audrey Marie Santo: December 19, 1983-April 14, 2007

Audrey with the missionary image of Our Lady of Guadalupe

Today is the anniversary of Audrey Santo’s accident, August 9, 1987. She fell into the family pool when she was three years old…she was rushed to hospital and revived, but due to the drowning and an overdose of phenobarbitol given to her at the hospital(as the family claimed), Audrey was left in a state known as "akinetic mutism"; non-speaking, non-moving. She could communicate through squeezing your hand or her eyes, her breathing, etc. Her mother and caregivers said she was quite aware of her environment; she knew when those close to her were in the room and seemed happier when they were there, she cried at the proper times in movies, and would sometimes set off one of her medical alarms if she felt the nurse was taking too long in another room.

What made Audrey extremely special is that miracles were found to manifest around and through her. Her family, devout Roman Catholics, insisted she come home to be cared for, against medical advice that said she’d be "dead in two weeks" if her mother, Linda, took her home rather than placing her into an institution. They said even then, Audrey would likely die within three years.

Undaunted, Audrey ‘s mother said, when asked where she was placing Audrey (meaning an institution), "I’m placing her in my arms-she’s coming home with me". The family worked hard to provide Audrey with round-the-clock care (by themselves, mainly, at first) and to bring their house up to code and outfitted for Audrey’s medical needs. The community responded with overwhelming support and, as Linda said , "God seemed to want Audrey known from the very beginning"; her story was continuously in the papers, and so many people came to pray for  or visit Audrey when she was in hospital that they had to secure a private room for her.

Audrey came home in November 1987,and a year later, on the anniversary of her accident, her mom took her to Medjugorje, Yugoslavia, where the Virgin Mary was reportedly appearing to young visionaries and miracles were happening. Linda packed Audrey’s sandals for the trip, convinced she would be able to run down the apparition hill site after being cured.

Amazingly, despite the throngs of people there, Linda was able to get entry into the room where the Virgin Mary appeared in the local church of St. James. The night before, she heard people outdoors excitedly saying, "American baby’s face in the moon!" . Linda looked outside and to her astonishment, there was Audrey’s face on the moon. Linda prayed for the Virgin Mary to "heal her or take her".

In the apparition room, where Ivan, the young visionary was experiencing a vision of the Virgin Mary, surreal things occured. There was no air in the stifiling loft and everyone was perspiring; except Audrey, and Linda knew that Audrey could perspire normally. Audrey’s hair was also blowing like a breeze was in the room, but there was no breeze.

Audrey reportedly moved her hands and head as if saying "Yes" and Ivan knelt down and spoke to her in Croatian. Linda said she never asked what he said, as it was between Mary and Audrey, and if she was meant to know, she would.

That night, Linda and the RN who had come with her were excited to see that Audrey was suddenly very animated. Her pupils seemed to equalize and she was tracking her nurse’s movements. She was moving her head and hands and everyone was rejoicing, saying she was going to wake up.

Then something awful happened…Audrey coded. Despite overwhelming odds,as they were in a very limited area of Yugoslavia with primitve medical care, Audrey survived a few cardiac arrests and they obtained a med vac flight back to the States.

It seemed like a failure and a miracle in itself that Audrey made it home still intact and in the same condition as when she left. Some people thought Linda had been irresponsible.

But more was coming.

The religious articles in Linda’s home started weeping copious amounts of oil and blood. There was no known cause proven as to why this was happening when investigated. Four hosts consecrated in the family home wept blood and the blood was found to be human. One host bled during a mass as it was consecrated, with no possibility of fraud.

Then came the people. People began flocking to the Santo home after hearing of the miracles. Miracle cures happened, such as the time Audrey was visited by a cancer patient, and later, Audrey developed a vivid crimson rash on her legs of unknown origin. When tested by a dermatologist, he said that the only causation of such a rash was a certain kind of chemotherapy. Audrey had never had chemo, and the woman was healed of cancer. People smelled roses around Audrey when none were physically there. Several nurses converted to Catholicism, or returned to their faith, through Audrey and her mother’s example. Audrey was immaculately cared for, and despite all predictions, was relatively doing quite well; she had no bedsores despite several years being bedridden. She grew and entered puberty totally normally. Her blood and urine samples were normal, and the very fact that she was kept in such a healthy condition was a miracle in itself. Audrey appeared so peaceful and beautiful, with her long flowing chestnut hair, clear skin, and blue-green eyes. Her caregivers kept her in beautiful clothing and styled her hair. It was and is obvious that her family went above and beyond to care for her.That’s also evidence of however one sees God, if there ever was one and as the investigators had stated.

So, we get to why this matters to me. I was once a Catholic and am now Wiccan. What could Audrey mean to me?

I don’t know, but for some reason, I feel a great connection to her. I’ve dreamed of her and have had situations/issues healed by her a few times. The night before she died, I had a vivid dream of her and was shocked to read that she had died when I checked the internet the next day.I’ve written to the family. I recieved oil from the family, on an ordinary cotton ball, and it stayed wet for over a year, despite being in a normal ziplock bag.

Audrey is very special to me. I questioned and debated her story, like anyone else, but something deep in my soul and gut told me that the story was absolutely true. I believe it wholeheartedly and am very glad Audrey has blessed me. Maybe I will never know why. All I know is that people in Audrey’s situation, many of which I worked with at my former employer (and Audrey had something to do with me being hired there, I’m convinced of it, but that’s another story), seem to be dialed in to a higher plane.

I wondered how I could reconcile this with my Wiccan beliefs. An Aboriginal Elder gave me the answer..she was speaking at our pow wow last year and said that people who are profoundly disabled are "in the spirit world" most of the time and that they are "earth angels", to use Christian terms. Aboriginal culture believes those who are in a state such as Audrey’s are blessings and are a mediary between our world and the spirit plane. I believe that, after working with those in this state, particularily children. They have a special aura about them. It’s hard to explain until it’s experienced. The Elder said that people choose to live this way, to minister to others and to be spirit people.

I had wondered that…who would choose such a life? But I don’t think that’s up to us to answer.

All I know is Audrey has blessed my life, and many others. The Church began a rigorous investigation into the claims and said that they could not prove or disprove the miracles officially, but they said there was no evidence of chicanery, which is an amazing verdict by the Church as their investigations are very intense.

Audrey’s mother was contacted after Audrey’s death of cardio-respiratory failure on April 14, 2007, at age twenty-three by the Vatican. Right now, they are beginning the process to make Audrey a saint. I sent the family an email with my information in the hopes that it may help.

"There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreampt of in our philosophy"..as Shakespere said. Who’s to say we have to stay within our own strict religious boundary? Healing, miracles, and truth occur within all of them, and sometimes, blessings come from where we least expect them to…and we should remain open to them. As William Blake said:, "cherish pity, lest you drive an angel from your door".

I sent the family a bouquet of white roses for Audrey’s memorial, and a card. I didn’t feel wierd about it, even though I’d never met them. It seemed like the right thing to do.

If you want to learn more about Audrey, I provided a link to her official website, in the blue-colored header at the beginning of my post.

Thank you, dear Audrey. Rest well and may you continue to inspire others.

Audrey Marie Santo, rest in peace.