Astro Data:
Waxing, Gibbous Moon, 9 3/4 days
Ascending Node: 29 Degrees Capricorn
Moon in the 12th Degree Sagitarius, 5th Degree of Constellation Ophiuchus, the Serpant Holder
Sun in the 7th degree of Leo, 10th Degree of Crabba, the Crab
Current Planetary Hour: Venus

Weather: 16 Degrees C, with rain showers.

Personal: Red Tent, Day 3 (heavy), feeling well

I’m finally trying to put into practice something I started/wanted to do for a while: line up my journal with current weather/moon phase, health/changes of note (such as “Red Tent” or Moontime), etc. I think it will be interesting to see if there is a pattern that emerges, or what my moods are like on a certain day.

Interesting that right now, the moon is waxing and we are a day or two away from the Harvest Festival of Lughnassadh, something that is bitter sweet; all that we have planted is beginning to emerge, and the light, brightest at Litha, is starting to dim. Interesting to me as I’ve had a couple things come to fruition: I received the financial help I needed(and on my birthday, nonetheless!), I stopped taking a medication that didn’t agree with me, and my moontime finally came back after missing two months. Returning, and growing, and change are the orders of now.

Spiritually, quite honestly I’m experiencing polarized feelings: The “high” of getting in to Third Degree has mellowed now, although I’m still proud and honored and excited to do this work, just not as giddy as with that first email that said I made it. I’m feeling a bit..stuck. A mini-fog if you will. I’m not sure what “the next adventure” will be and feel a bit like I’m in a holding pattern, the Hanged Man, suspended. I think that ths is an important thing for me to learn. I tend to want everything to happen NOW. Today isn’t soon enough. I want everything to happen yesterday. I’m extremely impatient. That is another of my shadows I need to work on.

Hearing “we’ll do it later” or “next time” seem to be triggers for me. Again, issues from childhood that I need to “unpack” and put away for good. I spoke on here about that before, lack of trust leading to impatience and other issues. I need to learn how to just….BE. I went to see a therapist once who challenged me to sit still for five minutes and look outside, and to do nothing else. This was incredibly hard. I couldn’t fidget or do anything. That was really hard for me to do.

It’s hard for me to just “be” in the moment. A friend told me that she helped her son with having panic attacks by saying he should think in the now.. Not tomorrow, yesterday, or the next five minutes. now. It’s incredibly hard to do, but if we’re able to, REALLY liberating, REALLY living..we have to be in the moment.

Being someone that also suffers from panic attacks, I’m trying to take that advice. I always want to jump to the harvest, or long for the summer growth. I don’t just “stay”.

I think that’s what the Goddess wants me to do right now, at the beginning of my 3rd Degree Journey. Just BE. Breathe. This IS the journey, and that IS the message.

I’m writing this as I hear the strong pelting of rain on the roof and against the windows, the sheeted rain sleeting through the big green trees.

I wish you well, and to remember the “now”.

Namaste, friends.