Spring is finally starting to ripen into full bloom where I live. Here on the Canadian prairies, we get long winters, and all-too-short (for me, anyhow) summers.

Now that I am beginning to stabilize after a long and drawn out healing process (I won’t get into it), I find that my spiritual self within is much like the land around me;starting to wake up, rub its’ eyes, and stumble into the beauty that is surrounding us. I very acuetly “feel” the seasons and find that they greatly affect my mood. Many Witches are that way, perhaps all of us, and people from other paths as well. I began to “feel the sabbats in my bones” after a few years of being a Witch. I no longer was checking the calendar for the exact day and time that it would be Litha..I would feel Litha coming before it got there.

And that leads me to a further point.

My own practice of Wicca tends to be quite eclectic. I like a happy medium between very structured and loosey-goosey. It took me a while to find that balance, and I’ve honestly found it in the Sacred Mists. There, there is structure and a baseline, but a great deal of personal latitude and freedom is allowed within our walls.

Its my opinion that rituals are more for the person than for the Gods. I’m not downplaying ritual, but rather suggesting that we need to remember that the Witch is the magick; the rest is all just bells and whistles. I was thinking about this today as I sat on our front step, having a cigarette (no lectures, please. I KNOW they are bad for me, all right?) and enjoying the scene around me. We live in a mid-sized city, but at the moment are in an area that has lots of green trees around and is close to the river(a disgusting-smelling, polluted river, but a river nonetheless.) I was listening to the wind rustling in the trees (one of my favorite sounds) and watching tiny bugs hovering above the grass, the green leaves and clover around me, smelling the scent of summer on its way.

I closed my eyes and simply talked to the Goddess (in my mind, as like I said, we’re in an urban area, and talking to one’s self generally isn’t socially acceptable). Simply asked Her for the blessings I needed, thanked Her for others. I felt a connection with Her that could not be denied, and when I opened my eyes, I was thinking; the trees are Goddess. The grass is Goddess. The wind itself is Goddess. I didn’t need to be wearing a fancy robe, waving an expensive wand, and worrying that my wording is exactly timed. The Goddess seemed to laugh in my mind, saying that that is not needed. It’s nice, but not needed. To connect with Goddess, just look around you. Look within you. That’s where She is, even when you feel that She isn’t. She is there in that Void, the “isn’t”, the doubt and depression, just as much as in the light. and good and joyful.

To me, insisting that there is only one “proper” way to practice Wicca is going back to a system that many of us who came to Wicca are trying to escape from; Fundamentalism and Convention, those age-old wet blankets that ruin the party.  I’m all for having structured training, but a Witch also has to be flexible, to be imaginative, to know that yes, you can cast a circle without fancy words, and in your mind. The “power” isn’t in a beautiful altar or ritual: those  are “Things”, meant to awaken the spiritual within. They are only as useful as you find them.

Much of my spiritual youth, before coming to Wicca in aproximately 1997, was spent as a Roman Catholic. (We started attending church when I was around twelve. Long story.). I was a fiercely devout Catholic, Mass every Sunday, Rosary during the week in May, prayers every night. I had a special devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary. I would “talk ” and pray to Her.  I did, and still do, love the ritual and rhythm of the Mass,the continuity, knowing that Mass will be more-or-less the same every where in the world. I went to a couple of Protestant services and felt that they were lacking to my liking; there was not the same rituals, it seemed much looser and flexible than I was used to.

Oddly, the switch from Roman Catholicism was not at all difficult, well, in theory.  The guilt and such bothered me, and I even went back to the Church a couple of times before truly figuring out where my path lay. RC kept a lot of the rituals and outward trappings  from Pagan days, to secure converts and such. May crowns for Mary, candles in front of saints, devotions to saints to gain favours, 9-day-novenas, they were all faintly Pagan.

I always thought, why do we need a saint to “intercede” for us? Doesn’t God answer prayers directly? What if we miss a day in the 9 day novena? Will God throw our request out because we didn’t do it properly? What about people that have no one to pray for them; does God really show favors to those that do?

That didn’t seem fair. I figured if God really was perfect, than surely “He” could be more understanding than humans are! Why were we limiting God to how we saw He or She?

That, combined with my emerging feminist consciousness, and other reasons too long to get into for this post,led me to look for other paths. I never “left” the Church, really, as I don’t have any animostity towards it. I just see that I expanded upon the teachings there, went back to the Old Ways, and discovered that there was more to learn. Nor do I consider myself a Christo-Pagan. I personally think that Jesus was one more facet of the God; the same as Buddha, Pan, Krishna, and Dionysus are. I think it was more that we created God in our own image, than the other way around. Each religion has a story to tell and is “Holy” in its’ own right : there is not one religion that has the monopoly on God, and I think to believe that is the highest of human arrogance. If God is truly beyond our understanding, than wouldn’t it be more likely that every religion would be a facet of a large jewel, each one being “right” and merging together to make a lovely whole? That seems the most reasonable outcome to me.

As someone once said on a Beliefnet forum: “The Catholic Church is like the Hotel California, you can check out anytime you like, but you will never leave” How true that is. Being Catholic is cultural as well as religious, and when you do stop attending Church, you’re seen as “lapsed” , not as finding a new religion. I have other thoughts on that I will expand upon in a later entry. I kept my devotion to the Virgin Mary, and other things. I just simply discovered there was more out there, and that Catholicism was not the be all and end all when it came to knowing Divinity.

Anyhow, I think that the whole worrying about if 9 days or 12 days or 90 days prayers are more acceptable to Deity or “right” applies to Pagans, too.  Those aren’t Goddess or Deity made standards. Those are ours. By all means, if you feel doing a specific spell or ritual will bring you into harmony with Goddess.. DO it. I know I do. But know also that Goddess surpasses our understanding. She is not a mystical Fairy Godmother, that if you learn the right passwords, she will grant you amazing wishes.  She is not the Feminist counterpart to the “old man with a beard” vision of God from the Old Testament, i.e. a Giant Lady in the sky. No.

If you want to experience Goddess, here is something you can do anytime, anywhere. City, Country, or otherwise.

Step outside. Feel and hear the wind. Look at the scenery around you, at the season that is currently evolving around you. Listen to everything; the car horns, mixed with the rain or the snow falling, perhaps. Feel the sun on your face. Close your eyes, and simply reach out.

There She is. And She  always was, and always will be.

Namaste.

Ever since I was a small child, I’ve been enchanted by anything and everything to do with New York City; specifically, Ellis and Liberty Island. In this life, I was born in Central Canada. Besides the seemingly-obligatory-for-my-city (because everyone does it) car trips two hours south to North Dakota, I didn’t go farther south until I was an adult, and then, it was to California (a whole other magickal tale, which I will tell in a later entry.). We have no ties to New York that I am aware of..at least, not this trip round’the sun that I’m taking.

My favorite show as a kid was Reading Rainbow. I used to have to race to get home to see it (this pre-dated VCR’s, or at least,we didn’t get one until I was seven.). My very favorite episode was the one about Ellis Island. I loved the book Watch the Stars Come Out , by Riki Levenson, which was featured on the show. I was spellbound by the Statue of Liberty and dreamed of moving to America when I was an adult.It was always either New York or California. My mom’s aunt and uncle lived in California, and I saw it as an amazing place where it never snowed, oranges grew on trees, and I could go to see the ocean every day..not to mention, Disneyland. I remember my uncle had a word processor or a computer, and this was an unusual thing in the 80′s. He suggested I start to write a story on it, and I automatically said I wanted it to be about a girl that lived in California.

In Grade 2 or so, I went as the Statue of Liberty for Halloween (Amazing costume, hand-made by my Mom, who’s an excellent seamstress).  However, I would not actually get to visit NYC until much later, when I was twenty-four.

When I did, they practically had to use the Jaws of Life to pry me off of the streets. I loved NYC. I felt like I belonged there, felt like I knew every nook and cranny. For someone with a terrible sense of direction, in a city of millions, this was huge. I could feel the life pulsing in this city and felt that I was a part of it.

Going to Liberty and Ellis Island were even more eerie. I felt as if I was between two times; the past, a long ago life, and today’s life. It was like looking at the modern world through a transperancy of the past surrimposed on it. I had a past-life regression done once, by a hypnotherapist, and according to that, I had lived in NYC at the turn of the century and had come over from Ireland (Another culture and place I have a strong pull towards) .  I’m an interested skeptic when it comes to regressions (I think that they are awfully subject to the power of suggestion, and test the ethics of the counselor,such as the whole “false memory” syndrome that skyrocketed in the 80′s), but who knows, it kind of fits.

On more than one occasion, I’ve found myself at Ellis Island/Liberty Island, or simply overlooking the harbour, during astral travel/meditation/dreams.  Hart Island, a tiny, windswept island in New York Harbour, where Potter’s Field (large, mass graveyard, mainly for the unnamed and unclaimed dead.), also calls to me in a strange and eerie way. I first saw it in the movie Don’t Say a Word, and again, got that creepy but comforting vibe that I knew the place.

Today, as I was trying to lasso my wild mind into meditation , I found myself staring at grey, choppy waves of the Atlantic, hearing  a foghorn and a strange “ping-ping” sound which sounded like a bell. I could see lights shining from the Statue of Liberty as I sat looking at the waves on the front edge of Liberty Island. I could feel the mists of the sea gently striking my face, in a comforting way. The island was shadowy and peaceful, no one else around. I felt like I belonged there, like I was part of the land, and it was a part of me. In the meditation, I was sitting right at the edge, at the shore, seeing the water inches from me, not elevated from it as the island is today.

I’m not sure why New York consistently comes into my meditations, but I am glad that it does. Maybe one day I will get to visit again, or who knows, even live there….The truth is, as much as I know I’m lucky to live in Canada, I have no attachment to this land, although I have seen beautiful things here. I would have no problem becoming an American citizen. Something about it there calls to me; echoes of a past life? ‘greener pastures’ in this life..who knows?

All I know is, it’s strange how we can be homesick for a land we never knew in this life.

“This is the strangest life I’ve ever known..”

-Jim Morrison

Ahhh..a fresh new page on a brand new blog.  I feel like how I did before I started a new school year, and had brand new pencils, crayons, and looseleaf all bundled in untouched wrapping, and squeaky new shoes and clothes that hadn’t been worn yet. Every year I would vow to “keep things nice” as they had started out. It never worked, by the end of the year I’d have chewed up pens, broken crayons,grubby erasers and ripped pencil cases. I was not the type of child that could keep things neat and tidy, and I envied those who did.

Where am I going with this?  This Blog likely also will not stay “neat and tidy”. It is documenting my journey as a Priestess, as I walk the path of a modern woman honouring the Old Ones, the Lord and Lady that were worshipped long before Judeo-Christian religions even existed,the Lady that lives in the cool light of the glowing moon and speaks through the twinkling of the stars, the Lord that dances through the ripening grain and the blistering heat of the sun.  I’ve walked this path for about eleven years now, and by no means consider myself an “expert”. Maybe it’s the social worker in me talking (I’m a registered social worker by education,training, and profession.), but I don’t believe we can ever become an “expert” at spirituality and at life in general. We can grow in wisdom, we can learn, re-mold, shape, burn down and re plant, but we cannot ever arrive at a place where there is nothing left to learn. Even when we die, Witches think that there is more left to learn; we reincarnate as the land does in the cycle of the seasons, ever turning,shifting, and re-creating.

So, this Blog is a place where I will speak of my stops on this Journey, my thoughts, feelings, observances, ritual experiences, etc as I move forwards and backwards,tracing and re-tracing steps in the journey to wholeness.

Who is this person, you may be thinking.I have some detailed information in my biography section, and as you have probably guessed by now, I am not a woman of little words , so it gives a decent picture of some of the things that make up who I am. Just some of them. To elaborate even still..

My magickal name is Yemaya Olokun. This name comes from the African/Yoruban/Santeria Goddess and ‘Orisha’ (Ancestors) Yemaya, She that Is the Living Ocean, the Mother to all the Orishas, the Lady of the Seas and the Mama that rules conception, birth, and re-birth. Olokun, in some traditions, is one Aspect of this Great Goddess. This Aspect is said to be of the deepest, darkest, coldest recesses of the Ocean, the place of riches, the place and personna that can only be seen in dreams. Yemaya has called to me ever since I was with my first formal tradition, Circle of the Goddess (COTG, now disbanded, as far as I am aware.), and our High Priestess had studied with Luisah Teish, a well-known Priestess of Oshuyn. I loved Yemaya and would dream of Her, but did not feel ready to take Her name. I also wondered if taking on a Name and a Practice from the African culture was disrespectful, as I am not of this ancestry. Yemaya is a strong and powerful force,and loves Her children dearly. She called me to take her name last year, when I was in the throes of the ‘fallout’ directly following my Saturn Return, and reassured me that this was not disrespectful as She wished me to. I had read somewhere that African Deities choose you, not the other way ’round, so I felt it would be more disrespectful not to take this Name.

I am a Priestess in the Sacred Mists Tradition,and this place is truly my spiritual home and family. I will provide a more detailed post about the Mists in a forthcoming entry. I completed my Second Degree in this Tradition in November 2008, and plan to be Initiated to Second Degree as soon as this is made availiable. I also have just been accepted into the Third Degree training program, which I am excited about, and will ultimately lead to ordination as a High Priestess.

In addition, I am also a Sister in the Sisterhood of Avalon, which is a Celtic women’s mystery tradition steeped in honoring the Welsh Goddesses and Lunar cycle of the seasons. I find that the Avalonian teachings and traditions greatly assist me in my work and spiritual development through Sacred Mists. Avalon has called me since I was a small child, and when I read Marion Zimmer Bradley’s famous Mists of Avalon, I felt a homesick longing for the place described.  Coming to the Shores of Avalon and sharing with other women in this group has been invaluable.

At the moment, I am currently on medical hiatus from being a professional registered social worker, and am using this time to introspect and to intensify my spiritual training and work.

I hope that you enjoy this blog, and I look forward to getting to know some of you.

Namaste,

Priestess Yemaya Olokun