..from my last post, as my brain does not appear to wish to be quiet at any point. I’m having the urge to write, and honoring it, as well as enjoying the free-flow of my thoughts into the written word, as it isn’t always so simple.

A little more thoughts on Descent and Mabon, as I dream out loud..

My dreams are becoming so very vivid lately that I’m not sleeping…I’m (astral) travelling. This time of year is very poignant for me and I can feel the veil thinning as surely as I can feel my pulse; it’s a fact, it’s just There. Summer weather is still here, which is very unusual for my corner of the planet, but SO welcome, especially as we had rotten summer weather for the majority of the actual summer months.

As always happens at Descent, memories as bittersweet as apple cider come back to me this year, and rip open wounds that haven’t entirely healed. I’m doing spiritual work both with the SOA (Gold Ray Quest) and with Sacred Mists in that I am preparing for the Journey into the Underworld that is this half of the Wheel. I can remember wondering last year when I’d EVER be done with the darned Underworld; my house of cards seemed to have crashed and burned and left me at Ground Zero several times; I realize that I NEVER will be.The Underworld and Descent are as necessary as Springtime and Emergence; they are all part of the larger Cycle, and need to exist in balance. It’s when we try to think of them as postive/negative or good/bad that we lose out (positive/negative in the good vs. bad sense, not the electrical charge…as in that case, pos/negative is accurate.); both forces are simply there. Necessary. Think of the attraction and repulsion that is in common, everyday magnets; we need both forces. They both make up the Universe. It’s when they fall out of Balance that we run into trouble. I see that now. My life, two years or so ago, was a carefully constructed, “pretty” house of cards. I feared the Underworld and tried to deny the shadow, and that caused things to shift out of balance, and leave me on my ass with nothing else but myself. But it was out of this that I carved out a new life, a more “real” one, and one that has blessed me in many different ways. I lost a lot of outer symbols of success, but gained a lot of inner ones, and a stronger compass and foundation to take me into the future. Those outer symbols can be built up and torn down easily. Look at the awesome and terrible power of a Hurricane or Tsunami: the richest and most beautiful buildings can be destroyed in a few seconds. But the power and strength that lies beneath them, in the earth, in human hearts and energy, stays there and grows.

Often, people seem to think of “bad” or negative things happening as “repayment” or as “punishment”. It’s not. It simply follows the rules of science. I’m a far cry from a scientist, but from my dimly recalled science lessons in high school, I know that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. I know that everything seeks a balance, and we have to take away or add to it in order for the scales to be equal. That’s all it is: the Universe is simply taking away and adding in response to where we are in terms of balance.

I’m finding it difficult to ground these days. I feel like I’m in the realm of spirit all the time rather than the realm of earth. I know I have to find, in my own words, balance between the two. Right now, though, the astral realm and those within it are so close, I have literally reached out and touched them.

When certain memories still sting and twist and hurt, or flood me with emotions, I know that these are ones I need to work on. But at the same time, I think that they will always be there. I just have to try to remember that, really, I can’t complain because I volunteered; many of these things, besides the ones that were the direct fault of others (i.e. child abuse), happened out of imbalance, or wrongful timing, or that was what my long-ago soul decided to learn this trip around. Serendipity has also been a good friend; I’m reading and uncovering info that I need very easily these days.

Bodiily? I’m exhausted. My intensive spiritual work is knocking me cold physically. I know that I have to try to even the scales at some point, but for right now, as the veil thins, I will try to ground and to work within these energies, as they happen for a reason.

Indeed, once we have crossed the Threshold of Initiation we can never turn back again..and I wouldn’t trade what I have learned and am learning on this beautiful path known as Priestesshood for all of the sunny days in the world. It’s worth it.


All-dewy Sky-sailing Pregnant Moon
who shines for all
who flows through all
light of the world which is yourself
maiden mother crone
the weaver the green one

Seed sower, grain reborn
Antered One come!
Bright sun, Dark death,
Lord of winds, lord of the dance
sun-child, winter born king
Hanged one
Untamed, untamed!
Stag and stallion, goat and bull,
sailor of the last sea, guardian of the gate
lord of the two lands
ever-dying, ever-living, radiance

-Starhawk