Transformations

As I mentioned in my last posting, I have been undergoing an intense amount of personal transformation as I work on finding my footing in a new environment.

At work I have many new things I am learning many new systems trying very hard to get it all down and understood so I can document and train everyone else on the how’s of doing things.  I am also learning how to do more on the shipping and receiving side so that when I am here I can pick, pack and such to help out there if it is needed.

Opening day is approaching extremely quickly.  I am still in catch up mode.  I end up working on some tasks in what I call catch up spurts so that every other day I grab some tasks and to do’s and work through them steadily until they are done and then I move on.  In a way it’s not entirely the most pro-active way to handle things but with all the extra tasks on top of my job it simply must be done until we actually open.

I have been undergoing a great many changes since I left home 1 month and 18 days ago.  One of the most important realizations that I have seen is that I cannot (CANNOT) leave home for this long ever again.  I miss my husband more than I can ever elaborate.  I am extremely thankful for the support that my boss has given me through the tough times I have been through since getting here.  Her support and love has seen me through some rough spots that I could not have handled easily alone.

When one loses a friend there is a great deal of sadness that envelopes the heart.  Things may happen and people may grow apart but nothing to me is more shocking than to suddenly lose a friend that I considered one of my best friends.  I have not reached out to her regarding the situation.  Frankly I am a little afraid to do so.  I do not know that what I would say would be heard and taken to heart.  Everything I have ever done is from my heart.  I give and I take.  It’s mutual.  I cannot do one without the other.

I recently purchased a new App for my iPod that allows me to read a daily inspiration card for both Power Animal Oracle by Steven Farmer and a card from the Legacy of the Divine.  I think the time has come that I being to walk the Fool’s journey and truly take in it’s lessons in a manner that is not so traumatic.  I feel like The Fool of the Tarot as I walk through this Journey of life.  Growing and encountering people who make lasting impressions on my life.  Each impression becomes a part of my spirit and thus they become a part of me…regardless of the outcome of the friendship.

I know I am not perfect, far from it.  I act and react like any human being can and often does.  I try to rise above pettiness, jealousy, anger yet sometimes find myself smack dab in the middle of each of those things and from those experiences I grow and become a better person and a better friend to those that remain.

Where is my path taking me?  What lies ahead as I near the end of my third degree with but a small thing left?  I truly do not know.  Perhaps it is to take the Fools Journey and re-kindle my love of working with herbs.    The one thing I see for certain is that in my journey and through this path I am very much the Fool with a spark of the Magicican as i stumble and work my way through each experience with my friends and fellow Covenmates.

perhaps my road should be traveled in part alone.  perhaps I trust too easily.  Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps…I do not know the answers as to what direction my journey will take up next but I do know that I will not be alone in it.  Each of you are a piece of my heart and spirit and I carry you there.

No matter what happens, it will always be this way.

I have taken a vow of spirit in this lifetime that leads me towards my own evolution and towards a place where I can find myself and truly be.

No matter where my vows take me, I will remain a steadfast and forward person.  I will be where I am wanted and needed and in the end that is all i can truly do.  It is at this part of my journey that I let thjings go.  I release them and see what lies next on this path.  No more doubt, no more sadness, no more pain, from here on out I walk with my head high and with love in my heart.  I will watch my moods, I will be mindful of the words I choose and the energy I release.

The amethyst point on my bed is vying for my attention and wishes for me to turn off the light so I can meditate a bit with her.  Perhaps a Journey is in store for me this night.

I will make an effort to write more often and be a better friend.  Like the amethyst geode which awaits the violence of discovery, I have been discovered and now I will work on being pure to myself, to my path and to my friends.

May peace find your hearts and fill your spirit.

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Posted on 20 August '10 by , under Growth, Life, Spirituality, Training, Wicca.

3 Comments to “Transformations”

#1 Posted by Tansy Firedragon (20.08.10 at 09:30 )

Beautiful, from the heart words my lovely.
You have been through so much, but you are coming out of the other side – stronger and wiser.
Know that I am honoured to be your friend – with honesty and truth comes trust and we have that, I look forward to walking the path with you.
Much love
Tansy
x

#2 Posted by Raushanna (20.08.10 at 11:38 )

“Living-by’crisis” is an incredibly stressful lifestyle, my love, and somehow I get the feeling that recent upheavals, terrible in their own right, are made worse because of being away from home and dealing with a stressful lifestyle. Yes, you are working to prepare for the roll-out of some good stuff, but right now that roll-out must seem far away in some respects, and the tasks yet to be accomplished must seem endless. Be kind to yourself!!

I have watched you grow over the past 7 + years that I have known you, watched you struggle at times to see what the next step in your Journey should be. There were times when my focus was somewhat away, and times when your focus was somewhat away, but I have never lost my grop on the lovely amethyst colored silk ribbon that is my connection to you.

I have always followed behind you as I travel on my Wicca-Sacred Mists Path; there are others with me on this Journey, and I love them all, but somehow I inevitably am walking in your footsteps, the footsteps that you left when you were at the Place I am now, struggling with the challenges that I am facing. Please know this, and I speak with all of my heart: I am grateful and always will be grateful for the fact that you are right ahead of me, making the supreme effort to forge a path through the deep snow so that my trip will be a bit easier thanks to your hard work. Every so often, you have the time to look back at those who are coming behind you, and I love that moment when your eyes look into mine, and we both smile.

Sometimes it is me, Raushanna, that pain who floods your inbox with emails, seeking help in the name of others, or looking for a bit of reassurance from you to deal with her own insecurities. You have never failed to respond to my requests for help. Never. That is a pretty good record of accomplishments, eh?

I am incredibly proud to be where I am now in my life, and you are one of a group of persons who have been instrumental in making this Journey happen for me. I hurt for you because I know you have an empty place inside of you now, and you must be feeling a bit bewildered, wondering how this all happened.

But you are not alone, and there are others who are willing and eager to fill that emptiness. None of us will be exactly the same, although we will heal and go on, and yes, you are replacing apples with oranges, but at least the empty space is filled.

Hugs and much love!
Raushanna

#3 Posted by Yemaya Olokun (21.08.10 at 14:33 )

Dearest Lilyth,
I am here with you and love you dearly. I just wanted to let you know that you are in my heart and I think of you and Lady and the “Faerie Crew” at the Shoppe every day.
You have been a huge inspiration for me at the Mists. You, the real you, Lilyth, with your hopes, dreams, strengths, fears, and hurts.

I’m always here for you, too, to talk to and to chat with. I’m honoured to be a part of the Sacred Mists family, and to be your friend and Sister.

Namaste,
Yemaya Olokun