The longest night
Last night marked the longest night of the year as Winter Solstice came upon us, (and in my head I have Samuel L Jackson saying it “And Solstice came upon us with great challenges and magnificent changes”) and though I was working rather late I took time to attend the Sacred Mists Yule Ritual that was being led by Raushanna last evening and even though I knew the ritual before attending through the Third Degree submission process, I was amazed by the feelings that surrounded me. Sometimes, I do not at all connect in a ritual and sometimes I am blown away. Last night was the latter.
One of my biggest failures is that I am filled with self-doubt and self-defeating behaviors which create a vicious loop of me never being enough and not succeeding. Harmful self talk creates this horrific ribbon of where I feel I have failed or not done enough and it just keeps looping around and around. As light becomes reborn, I too am going to go through a rebirth. There are a great many transformations that are appearing in my life. Rebirth is on the horizon. Working with this transformative and birth energy, I release the fear of success and never being enough (so self doubt and self-defeating behaviors) so that within myself I light the spark of successes and goals achieved, the spark of creation and life so that all doubt will be erased from my spirit and heart.
The wording on this was quite intentional because in order for me to work through this and achieve successes where I wish I must change the way that I think, I must release the fears and change the harmful and self-deprecating behaviors and words to ones that fill me with confidence and allow what is inside to shine throughout.
Over the last several months I have been challenged time and time again with things that have threatened to change my perceptions and how I am with people and what I have to offer. Remembering that I will always do my best, I will never lie and I will always be there when needed. The changes are worth it, they cannot be born without pain.
I connect with the power of rebirth and light and infuse my life with the energy of Birth, with birth comes change, pain and much to rejoice in.
Beautifuly written my dear. I too found the ritual enchanting and moving. I too have fears to release. This last week has been full of misunderstandings. All based in the root of my owners fears. I made matters worse instead of better. Fear is the mind killer. Time to face the fears and step through them, emerging on the otherside with courage and love.
Thank you, Lady Lylith, and thank you Xandria, for being so generous with your honesty. It is nearly 5 months past Yule, and I have been following a very similar journey. I am at a junction, a crossroads, yet again, and I keep hearing “look more deeply within”, “you must take a good hard look at what you don’t want to see in yourself”. Leaving me wondering, because I have been working so, so hard… And here it is. In one word. Fear.
I do have fear ~ and I don’t like that, but, what strong woman does? Alas, I was brought right here this morning, minutes after wondering “aloud” why I was wide awake all night long. I needed to find it, and now I must explore it. So again, I thank you both, for the gift of freedom from the bondage of fear.
Blessed Be.