So the cycle continues…

I found out a few hours ago that my Grandmother passed into the Summerland today.

It was discovered this morning that she and her doctor have been keeping a very large secret…she had Congestive Heart Failure.

At the end of the day she decided that she did not want to continue on.  She was tired and hurting and just wanted to “go home” as she kept saying today.  I respect her decision and understand the reasoning behind it; however, I think it makes it harder for me and maybe my family to deal with it as it seems very sudden.

Sometime ago she became very ill and ended up needing to live in a Fulltime Care Facility as my parents cannot provide her the physical care she needed as they are both physically partially disabled (back and neck injuries).

She was a pretty healthy gal and full of “spit and vinegar” for quite sometime.  My mom told me earlier this week that she had another episode with her sodium dropping (which is what landed her in the facility in the first place).  She was recovering well when I talked to my mom just Thursday.

Today I was at lunch (I needed a little break) when I got back to the car to turn on my ringer, I saw I had a text.  It was from my Mom, thinking it was my daily “I love you” text I read it and my heart stopped. “Call home 911”.

Not one to beat around the bush “What’s going on Mom?” and she replied with “Grandma passed on this afternoon at about 4:20″…I could not speak, I could barely breathe, I was devastated in the space of 2 seconds.  I listened and cried while she explained what happened and that she had hidden from us all that she was really very sick.  Her room was filled with friends and family when she asked the Doctor to remove her Oxygen.  After explaining what would happen to her, she said she knew and that it was what she wanted.  She was tired and hurt and “wanted to go home”.  Towards the end of it she was in so much pain they gave her a Morphine shot to allow her to not hurt so much and slip away from this world.  She went peacefully after that.

On one hand I understand why she would want to conceal her illness but the suddenness of it is so sharp.

Tell your loved ones EVERY DAY that you love them and treasure them.  You never know when they will no longer be there.

Right now I am torn up inside and grieving for MY LOSS of my grandmother and very proud of her for making a choice of what she needed to do for herself.

I am so very thankful for the support I am getting from Lady Raven and her family while I am here visiting at the Covenstead.  I wish I was able to have my husband here with me but I know that right now it is impossible right now.  I don’t know when the Memorial is yet, I am going to try to make it back out to Ohio for it but don’t know if it is going to be possible but I’d really like to.

May my grandmother be blessed as she passes through the domain of the dead into the Summerlands.  May her God be kind to her and cradle her with love.  May the Goddess grant her peace and serenity and perhaps we will meet again in another lifetime.  She was a one of a kind wonderful woman.

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Posted on 22 August '10 by , under Death, Growth, Life.

4 Comments to “So the cycle continues…”

#1 Posted by Tansy Firedragon (22.08.10 at 05:43 )

((Lilyth))

I have no words, just love and support for you my sister.

Know that you are very much loved and we are all here for you.

Tansy
xx

#2 Posted by Dcybele (22.08.10 at 07:34 )

You have my sympathy and love for your loss.
Your grandmother will always be with you in your heart and memories.
Much love,
DC

#3 Posted by Raushanna (22.08.10 at 09:51 )

Hugs and love and healing to you!!!

I must share a story with you, my love, which validates your own suggestion to love those in your life, every day.

I married my husband, Bob, after I had begun my Path, and so I wrote a ritual for myself which I performed early in the morning on the day of my wedding. As I was finishing up the ritual the night before, I took some time to connect with Goddess, and I spoke to Her a bit. I thanked Her for bringing live into my life at this stage of the game (I was 48 at the time), and I asked Her for some reassurance for even the most optimistic estimate would only give my husband and I about 30 years together (he is 10 years older than I am). Now, to young people 30 years might seem like an eternity and in some situations it would be, but when you are happy and loved, 30 years can go by in a snap.

My dearest Patroness smiled at my question, and this was her answer: “My Daughter, I know the exact date and moment that you and your husband to be will be parted; I know when I will call you back to Me, and I know when your husband will pass on to the Summerland. However, I will not tell you what I know; I will not share with you these dates and times, for if you knew them, you might be tempted to take for granted your husband and the special love you share. I will not tell you because I want you to live and love as if each day is your last day with him. Only then will you truly be able to accept this gift of life, and share the love that comes with it.”

That was over 7 years ago, and I try very hard to never forget Her message. You have been blessed because your Grandmother has been with you and has shared your life. As long as the memories of her are still within your mind, your Grandmother is still with you and she is still alive.

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn’s rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

Journey on now, Grandmother. We will follow when we can. May you be born again at the same time and in the same place as those you knew and loved in this life. May you know them again and love them again.
.
Hugs and much love.

#4 Posted by Gemma (22.08.10 at 18:00 )

My heart and prayers are with you, and with her spirit.