Of this I am certain

There are few things in life that I am certain of.  This is one of those things.  In adversity, in our we find our strength and our inner light.  We find our ability to shine and be more than what we were before.

This year for me has been very trying on so many personal levels that I cannot begin to adequately describe them all and give them the time that they are due.

We are approaching Samhain and I find that once more as the Wheel turns so too do my thoughts and I begin looking at my own life and the lessons of the year. When the Wheel turned past Samhain in 2009, I knew I was in for a bumpy ride between then and now.  I started saying that 2010 was a year of Transformation and boy was I right on the money about that.  Nothing is the same that was in 2009.

Early on in the year thigns started to shift and I was becoming much more project based at work and the daily to-do’s were handled by another employee.  I was truly enjoying my projects and was working on letting everything go that needed to be let go when the annoucnement came that we would be opening a physical location to go along with the online Sacred Mists Shoppe.  I volunteered my time to help get things up and running by offering to fly out to California for a couple of months to do the work needed, whatever it might have been to see it come to pass.

Little did I know how much work that would really be.  Early on in this major project things at work shifted and all that I had been letting go, again came back to me.  I had no idea how I was going to keep up with this work as well as the very intense project work associated with the Store opening.  I did poorly.  I stumbled and fell repeatedly.  Not only that but things went undone as there were just not enough hours in the day to do the physical work that had to be done in conjunction with all the other tasks that needed to be done to keep the online stuff going.  I was squeaking by…barely for about 3 months.

In those 3 months I went through a lot personally from losing a very dear friend who meant the world to me and all the trauma that went along with that.  I am choosing to not go into it as I consider it a very private matter and not one that I need to air or share with the world.  What happened, happened and I am doing my best to heal and move on from it.  Perhaps one day we will be able to talk about it but that will be between us and until then…silence is golden.  I was missing my husband more than I can even articulate.  He is very much my partner and the love of my life.  Everyday without him was a difficult one, and that is putting it gently.  During the few moments that I was able to steal away for myself (often in the middle of the night when I could not sleep), I continued to finish working on my final lesson for the Third Degree.

There is much that could be said about these three months, but for now, I simply cannot put it all into words.  My spirit was broken and trying to heal.  I was reaching out and finding my family…my chosen family that I stayed with, that of my beloved High Priestess Lady Raven Moonshadow, there everystep of the way to help me through the hard times and the depression.

On September 8th, I experienced the most beautiful Ritual I have ever experienced and that was my Initiation, naming and vow to continue to walk the Path of Wicca in the Sacred Mists Tradition as a High Priestess.  The next day I left for another life changing event.  I left for the Goddess Festival (which I rambly posted about here).  After which it was time to come home.

Once I got home I was home a scarce few days before taking off again for my Gramma’s Memorial in Ohio.  I got home again on 9/29/2010.  That was one week ago.  I have been inside my head most of the last week and looking at what I have experienced I can say I am no longer the same person I was 3 months ago.   I feel somehow brighter, lighter and ready to tackle my next challenges as I fight to finish playing catch up.

Again I have gone off in a rambly tangent of one kind or another, hopefully it makes a little sense.  Things are most certainly different now than they were.  I feel different.  I feel stirred in a direction that I must go.  I have a deep thirst once more in my spirit.

Perhaps, things are not as ‘bad’ as I thought they were but a short week ago.  There is afterall a light at the end of my tunnel down the way and who knows what will lay before me when I come out.

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Posted on 8 October '10 by , under Lady Raven, Life, Sacred Mists, Spirituality, Training, Wicca.

One Comment to “Of this I am certain”

#1 Posted by Raushanna (08.10.10 at 14:14 )

“I did poorly.” Er . . . NOT! My dearest Sister, You did better than anyone else I know could have done. You were truly Initiated during those weeks, including your very own Dark Night of the Soul, which as you know, happens (usually with a knock-down punch) at the end of the final stage of the Great Work. You can never know for sure, my love, if you have courage, until you feel real fear. You can never know if the Path on which you are travelling is the one you need to dedicate yourself to until you have been tested to the max. You certainly were tested, to the max. Because of that test, you know, 100%, that you made the right choice.

In my opinion, you did a heck of a job, and you better be holding your head high. I can only hope that when my time comes, I will do even close to as well as you have done.

*grin* And I’ll prolly be yelling to you for help, as always.

You, my Lady Lilyth, are a shining light for me, as always. You are showing me the way, and I will always be grateful for that.

Hugs and much love!