Faith & Trust

Again my thoughts are very introspective as of late.
For many months now I have been in a perpetual state of depression. It ebbs and flows much like the tides do but never really has receeded. It’s becoming quite tiresome in many aspects. I am tired of crying. I am tired of not being happy. I am tired of not wanting to leave my house. Above and beyond all that, I miss who I know I am and who I am meant to be.

I’ve begun the slow and arduous task of taking myself back. To begin I am going to start having a little more faith and trust in those around me. I have faith that I will not be led astray, I will trust the words that people tell me. I speak from my heart and spirit always and I have been burned many times knowing that people do not always do this and I cannot live my life in this fear any longer. I am giving up my fear, my lack of trust, my lack of faith in others. This is going to be so hard! *laugh*

The first step in reclaiming myself I am taking up my crafting again. This means a very good friend of mine and I are going into a side business venture which will hopefully fly well and we will be making lots of awesome things that I hope to be able to bring to the Shoppe (if they come out how I envision them yall will love them). Aside from this I am going to learn how to let go and let loose and dance. I said this late last year, I said this earlier this year. Without the fear in the way. I.Will.Do.This.Somehow.

The second step in my reclamation of self will be walking with my head held up instead of staring at my feet. Don’t laugh, this is hard for me. I am not a skinny girl. I hide myself because of that simple fact. Guess what world. I am fat. Deal with it.

I’m not sure what is really going to happen with this; however, I am doing what I feel I need to do in order to be myself again. I’ve been lost before, its not a place I want to continue to be.

Posted on 9 October '08 by , under Training.