Hi there folks! I realize that I’ve probably lost anyone who still followed my blog in my once again absence. To say that life caught up with me? Well that would be a gross understatement. We have arrived on the final day of August in 2016, it’s 10pm Pacific and I am sitting here with an amazing amount of thoughts rolling through my head.
In the last little while, I’ve been through so much and have really spiritually grown in new and fantastic ways. My path has deepened. My crystal healing work is continuing to grow in terms of knowledge and overall collection. I am content again. I am going to start working out again via BeachBody On Demand. I am stepping outside my comfort zone and really working on myself and the world around me.
I realized, not that long ago, that while I may not believe it, I do have value. I do deserve happiness. I deserve feeling and being beautiful. What does this all mean? Well I am doing new things. I am starting small with things like my hair, my wardrobe and working out at least 5 days a week to start. I am writing a lot, I am learning a lot. Above all, I’ve learned to love myself for who I am not for any of the qualifiers that people put on me. What do they know that I do not, about myself? Pretty much nothing.
Who am I? I am a witch. I am fat. I am beautiful. I am worthy. I am loved. I love. I have some really fantastic friends, who when I was at my absolute lowest, they stood by me. These are the people that lift me up instead of tear me down. The friends who helped me when I fell, the ones who stood for me when I could not. Beautiful spirits, each one of them that stood by me when I could not stand by them because I was broken and struggling to regain myself. I lost a few friends along the way. People that I thought would stick by me, when I reached this low point. Guess I was fooled. That hurt a bit. I am not going to let it keep me down. Ultimately, I cannot be responsible for anyone other than myself and how I react to things. I won’t defend myself, I don’t need to. I will not justify myself or my absence, I don’t need to. I will stand and know that I have come through the gates of Tartarus and emerged stronger, smarter and a different person.
To everyone that I have EVER known, whether present in my life or not, I thank you so much for your contribution to my growth. It was through your season(s) of friendship that I have emerged on the other side of this a different person. To the folks who are still with me, I cannot say, words are so inadequate, how much you have meant to me as I navigated these dark corridors of my shadow workings. I love each of you…my friends past and present.
One of my favorite stones to work with right now is Black Moonstone. Black Moonstone is the stone of the dark moon. It is considered to be a powerful stone for shamanic work, shadow work, dark nights of the soul, new + dark moon magick. There is a lot of “oomph” in this stone and one that I am finding brings a lot to the table for Priestesses.
Within this sphere, I find the ability to work through the deeper inner mysteries that are the heart of spiritual evolution. In order to truly know yourself and evolve as a person and spiritually you must be willing to face your shadow and see what lies beneath the surface. Diving into the dark can be quite scary. The energies of black moonstone help you delve deeper with supporting gentle light.
Additionally this stone is ideal for perceiving what lies beyond the veil and during the dark times of the year as Samhain approaches this is a valued tool to the witch. In my own workings I am finding that I am able to feel the energies of others more acutely and intensely. I am able to work within my own darkness to bring balance and peace to my life.
It’s a stone I cannot recommend enough if you are willing to do the hard work of truly piercing your darkness and shadow, embracing it and bringing balance to your life.
So this weekend was a pretty busy one…then again they all seem to be busy. I have started to really work with gemstones and some very personal workings that I started earlier this year. I am feeling a real difference.
This weekend I made a few decisions that I can share with you:
- I will blog three times a week
- Monday’s will be weekend musings
- Wednesday will be Gemstones + Magick
- Friday will be freeform whatever comes to mind.
- Starting with the new moon tonight I am digging in deeper to some much needed shadow workings.
- I wrote the ritual for tonight and it’s great. LOL
- Daily House of Night Oracle draws are back on.
Aside from all of these decisions I am starting to feel the fog of an ongoing Dark Night of the Soul begin to lift up. There is still work to be done but the fog is not as thick as it once was and for that I am grateful. I am feeling some real joy in life and the world around me as the depression that has hung on in this dark night starts to alleviate some of its stranglehold.
I started preparing for guests arriving at the end of this month. There is not a TON to do but there is enough that I want to do it in small chunks. I got a lot of old dog toys tossed out, started going through some of the excess that is in the front room and will be doing some serious cleaning in the room that used to be the office.
All in all there is a lot of progress going on in both life and spirituality that seems to get kicked up on the weekends. I’m digging it.
I’m getting ready to go into the store early today. We have a lot go get done by close of the day tomorrow and I wanted to get my reading done early today. I sat and shuffled like normal when a card jumped out of the deck. I set it aside and continued my shuffle and pulled my card.
The card that jumped into my lap was the King of Cups, hmm no wands today at all. The King of Cups is wise and understanding he knows the meaning of patience. He guides to all those who are a part of his realm with a firm and gentle hand with steady calm. A true empath he leads with his heart and mind in perfect unison. Do not take his gentle nature for granted he is afterall the ruler of the depths and much like the seahorse which he looks to in this card, very much a protector. Compassion and care are offered from his chalice which offers healing. As the gentle waters of the chalice fill, you allow the currents of life flow through your veins to cleanse your heart of its burdens.
The card that comes later is The Star. This card to me has always been special and a nickname for my dogter is Starshine. This card is about regaining hope and finding faith again in the future and the inspiration to get their. It’s all about finding the serenity within while being generous with those around you. It’s a time to leave behind the harsh light of the day and the bright light of the night behind and bask in the gentle light of the stars.
Again quite interesting for a reading today. I’ve been feeling very up in arms over what I want to do and stressing on how I want to do it while stressing about work and what is to come now that the Physical Store is closed. I worry for my job, for what I will do, fretting if it will all work out. I so love what I do and to lose it would be heartbreaking. I do not think it is a possibility but the inner demon on my shoulder reminds me that it is not outside the realm of possibility though it may be highly unlikely. I have such amazing ideas that spring forth with how we can really buckle things down and improve the school and the store with Rev. Lorien being such an inspiration for this I am energized. Now I need to cleanse my heart so the fears will drop away. A beautiful reminder to do so.
Not for the sake of change, but because change is inevitable, we as humans must learn to cope and adapt to the things in our lives that change. For a little while now I have been walking through a “dark night of the soul”.
The concept of the Dark Night may not be familiar to everyone and it may just sound intimidating and rather frightening. To those of us on a spiritual journey in this life we will go through periods where we feel utterly alone, where we question every aspect of our path. It’s isolation, it’s pain and the eventual re-join with the joy of life and spirit.
I have been neck deep in my own Dark Night now for several months. It has seemed that no matter which direction I turn it’s the wrong avenue, it’s the wrong decision, it’s just plain bad. Each step has been through brambles. Each time I reach out, I am greeted by thorns and nettles. As the year and the current Earthly cycle comes to a close from dark to light on yule, I feel too that my dark nights are coming to a blissful and well-learned end.
It’s almost as if I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Pieces are falling into place for me and though there is much work still to be done between now and the end of this cycle and dark night…the threads that existed between each event are being seen for the first time. They are all connected and the lessons will be with me for my lifetime.
To me it seems rather synchronous that my own dark night is being worked through as the Wheel of the Year turns towards Yule, the longest night of the year. At this point, When the light again begins to take rule over the days slowly reaching towards me, that I too come from inside this darkness and step into the new born light.
One of the constants throughout this journey has been the support of my High Priestess, Lady Raven and my sister Raushanna. My coven mates within Sacred Mists have been there for me throughout this trying time and helping me to see that while I have felt isolated I am not. Within Sacred Mists, I have found brothers and sisters that are available to me when I need them, friends, coven mates and soul sisters or brothers. Each a Priest or Priestess in their actions and service. It is a wonderful thing to have their support and caring. It is a rare thing to find in a real life coven let alone a virtual one.
As I have journeyed down this darkened path, I have discovered again the things in my life that I wish to hold dear, the talents I have and those that I have forgotten through disuse. At the crossroads i stand seeking direction and it is given. Forward I shall continue through the hard work ahead so that when the light begins to shine, I can stand in it’s warmth and feel embraced and joyful. I may actually at long last be looking forward to the holiday’s this year.
The seasons are starting to change in Florida. This seems a bit odd I am sure since the seasons do not change in Southern Florida the way they do when people think of seasons changing. There are no leaf colors, there is no snow, no grand monumental change that marks the seasons. It gradually begins to cool off and not get so oppressively hot. Eventually tapering off to being mid seventies during the day and in the sixties at night. Lovely and in my opinion perfect weather.
During this time I tend to do two things simultaneously. One being a lot of end of year review and introspection, the other being spending time outside. A lot of things begin happening around Samhain and the completion is by the end of the year. This seems to be the case for me every year.
Right now I am standing upon a precipice of magnificent change both in my personal life and that in my life as a Priestess. At the present I feel that everything about me is ready to change and transform. This is no small change but something that will forever be a part of me in every way.
Today I am looking around my extremely cluttered desk, and partially cluttered altar (I took pictures of a new potential product that is a Sacred Mists own creation) and two things caught my eyes. One a pendant I have that I bought from the Sacred Mists Shoppe that is a pewter dragonfly totem on a beaded silver chain. Normally I keep this on my monitor hanging as Dragonfly is one of my power animals. The other was a single peacock feather that I’ve had for quite sometime. Peacock is also a power animal.
Dragonfly has been in my dreams lately most abundantly with the most vivid but two nights ago. I dreamt there was a dragonfly nymph in my bathroom. Beautiful little creature with blue in her wings and green on her body. She allowed me to cup her in my hands to release her to the outside. Blue for healing, green for fertility and new growth. Hmm interesting I thought upon waking up that day. Today my peacock
feather took a tumble from it’s resting place to a large glass star ‘candy dish’ that I use to hold pillar candles. Here are the same colors with a bit of golden and indigo in the mix.
Yes things are changing, I am changing and growing. The journey to this point in my path has been extremely brambly and nettle ridden. I am sore, tired and hurting in some ways still from events more than a year old. I’ve moved towards working past the hurt and healing my spirit.
What is coming, I can’t say for sure but I have been given flashes of ideas and inspirations of what may come. I am embracing the changes, my fault and working forward. I understand that I cannot grow and evolve as a person and a Priestess without painful lessons and decisions. I will embrace these changes, these pains and from them become a stronger person. I have worked very hard to learn and earn my place in my path. I cannot allow the challenges of being a Priestess to thwart the work because for me it is all about service. I am a Priestess, I have a calling to serve those who come to me or to where I can be helpful to them.
There is much in my mind and heart that I wish to say but for now, I will say simply this. I am here. I have made mistakes. I have learned from them and continue to learn from them. I am thankful for those who have stood by me throughout in ways that words cannot simply express. For the small handful of people who have talked me off of spiritual ledges, thank you. Thank you hardly can be enough.
Every once in a while you have to sit and take stock of what is happening around you. You must accept ownership of your actions, your reactions and evaluate what is needed going forward.
Lately, I have been in a funk. This morning (last night I had a really bad headache) I performed my Shadow Quest for the New Moon. I re-discovered a few things about myself and discovered some new ones. Some of the hardest lessons I have gone through in the course of my studies have involved my feelings of not being good enough, trying to do too much as a result of that and falling on my face. Ah yes the dreaded Wonder Woman Syndrome. LOL Continuing on, I discovered that I still am feeling the repercussions of the days when I turned away from all my natural gifts and talents to be something I was not. The result of that is that my talents are watered down and I have to really work hard at some things in order to actually see results when I remember them being much easier long ago.
It seems that now is the time for a Soul Retrieval to bring the shards missing and fractured back to the whole. In addition to this, I seem to have a focus ahead of me that will change the way things are for me in both my spiritual and professional lives. These changes are not so much a change as they are a metamorphosis and growth process into something of the next stage.
Seems to me that I have a bit of work ahead of me that involves a great deal of spiritual healing. Guess I will be calling Marisol soon and getting an appointment with her. I will allow the healing to begin and shall go into the crysallis for it allowing it to envelope me and evolve me. When I emerge…I am not sure what is going to be there but I am rather excited to begin the process.
Here is the Shadow Quest meditation that I will be doing tonight with the Full Moon. This is as previously mentioned adapted from one I wrote for the Third Degree Lessons which was adapted from another meditation I had printed out many years ago for inclusion in my book of shadows. This quest resonates very deeply with me as a personal journey to overcome emotions which do not benefit my life and path as I walk it. I will post tomorrow what the outcome of my meditation is and any lessons that I uncover.
Without further adieu here is the meditation I will be using:
This full moon unlike many of the ones of the recent past I see many things taking shape within me.
We are working with a Full Moon in Scorpio a sign of intensity and passion. A wonderful time to reach down into the underworld of our emotions where they are raw and true. Here you find the hidden meanings of your anger and frustrations as they lie deep within your emotions.
This Full Moon features a “T-square” with a conjunction of Mercury to the Sun, suggesting that the mind is to be fully engaged at this time with reason and that understanding playing a key part in the dance.
A square of Mars to the Sun/Mercury conjunction on the one side, and the Scorpio Moon on the other, completes the T-square with a powerful burst of energy and aggression. Mars is the traditional ruler of Scorpio and this tight aspect to the lunation heightens the emotional intensity that is present at that time.
Seems to me like a perfect time to do some Shadow Questing to reach deep within to resolve deep hurt and the anger that hurt has caused.
Today during the day I have my desktop altar set and prepared for doing some Shadow Questing tonight as well as the work that I do throughout the day. Currently burning is my Deep Blue Sacred Mists Votive which I use as a focal during the day to bring healing and other energies to those in my Coven & Circle as they have requested.
You can see the bottle of Beltane Oil sitting to the left (the red oil) waiting to be used and barely see behind my tray that is used for incense and salt my Beltane Candle, both ready to be used this weekend for my Beltane Ritual. To the front of my tray and bowls you see two black votives. These are the candles that I will burn for Shadow Questing tonight. Sometime ago, I wrote a Shadow Quest Meditation for the Third Degree Course at Sacred Mists to confront and overcome a fear. I am working on a modification of this Meditation to find the hidden meaning and source of the frustration that I have been feeling as of late. The frustration must be resolved so that I can continue forward on my journey.
My goal is to recover my personal power and revoke the frustration so that my days once again become smooth and without drama (well minimal drama truly would be fantastic). I can almost feel an intense and path altering transformation just ahead of me. I am not sure what it means as I come to a close (soon) of the Third Degree coursework and continue on through my next pathway. I don’t know what lies ahead for me but I have a deep desire to continue on, to teach, to work in the local community and to attend and facilitate events.
We shall see what happens but it’s big and it’s coming for me.