When you think of balance, what do you think of? Does your mind take you to balanced perched rocks? Perhaps then a spiritual aura balance of chakra energy? Enough time in the day to do all the things you are expected to do? For most of us, we will identify with one of these concepts of balance. There are of course many others but for this, let’s focus on the most common that we feel. Personally, I experience all of these and many others! When you ask many people, what it is they seek in their life improvement, they will tell you that they would like a better balance on x, y, z. Let’s examine what balance is defined as. In the most basic definition, for this post, balance can be defined as a state in which different things occur in equal or proper amounts or importance in one’s life. Our equilibrium is at optimum and we are in a perfect state of homeostasis. This is the dream many of us have had over our years on this beautiful spinning home, we call Earth. As I continue to walk my path and evolve as a person, I begin to truly see things differently. I see things not only more precisely as well as more softly. What is this nonsense I have written?
OK, let me break it down a little bit from my perspective. The goals in my life have always revolved some sort of balance in my life. I want a better work, life balance. I want a better work, life, spirit balance. I want a better balance of ALL THE THINGS! Now, I just look at all of that and roll my eyes. Balance, by it’s very nature is precarious. If you pull just the right rock from that pile in the picture above, the entire structure will collapse and the balance, undone. If you have a precise amount of time planned in your day for travel time to and from work. Let’s say, you do not allow any “wiggle room”. You must leave and arrive at the appointed time only. You are driving to work and someone gets in an accident and now you are sitting in traffic and going to be late. You cannot apply one analogy to the other, they are completely different concepts of balance but can tie together if it is time that you seek to bring your balance of life, work, spirit.
Do you see where this is going? If one little thing shifts, the structure *can* fall. Your homeostasis is false in that you think you are balanced but what you are doing is avoiding new experiences and possibilities in rigidity and therefore your homeostasis will disappear and you will again struggle to regain that position. A grain of sand can shift the wind, the wind cannot shift the cliffside so easily. I do not know but in my head, this makes sense. I am leaving out things from my life, I am not experiencing things in order to work ever harder on this balance that is always out of reach. It is the goal of many of us, to rise to challenges and to do better than we did the day before. In this we are always seeking that balance because it’s never quite right and we can do better.
Is this process a futile practice? Definitely, not. I know I just said that it’s not attainable and as a result, would it not be understood that to waste energy in such endeavors would be ridiculous. Except, that’s not what I really said. That last part, we all read that. I read it and sometimes I type it and believe it. In working to achieve these balances, to better ourselves, we are in essence finding a balance of possibilities and experiencing new things. I still do not believe balance is possible, if we were perfectly balanced we would cease to truly learn and grow as we would not seek out new experiences. Why seek out these things when we have attained balance? Interesting and random thoughts rolling around in my head at 11pm at night when I should be in bed, with getting up for work early tomorrow.
A black moon is much like the new moon with a notable difference, they occur in a month that has already seen one new moon. During a black moon, the energies are greatly amplified. These moons are rare, happening only every few years. For something different, I wrote up this ritual that I shared with all of Sacred Mists for a solitary celebration. I will be doing mine tomorrow night, I hope you will consider joining us. Lines with **are instructions or other important information.
Hi there folks! I realize that I’ve probably lost anyone who still followed my blog in my once again absence. To say that life caught up with me? Well that would be a gross understatement. We have arrived on the final day of August in 2016, it’s 10pm Pacific and I am sitting here with an amazing amount of thoughts rolling through my head.
In the last little while, I’ve been through so much and have really spiritually grown in new and fantastic ways. My path has deepened. My crystal healing work is continuing to grow in terms of knowledge and overall collection. I am content again. I am going to start working out again via BeachBody On Demand. I am stepping outside my comfort zone and really working on myself and the world around me.
I realized, not that long ago, that while I may not believe it, I do have value. I do deserve happiness. I deserve feeling and being beautiful. What does this all mean? Well I am doing new things. I am starting small with things like my hair, my wardrobe and working out at least 5 days a week to start. I am writing a lot, I am learning a lot. Above all, I’ve learned to love myself for who I am not for any of the qualifiers that people put on me. What do they know that I do not, about myself? Pretty much nothing.
Who am I? I am a witch. I am fat. I am beautiful. I am worthy. I am loved. I love. I have some really fantastic friends, who when I was at my absolute lowest, they stood by me. These are the people that lift me up instead of tear me down. The friends who helped me when I fell, the ones who stood for me when I could not. Beautiful spirits, each one of them that stood by me when I could not stand by them because I was broken and struggling to regain myself. I lost a few friends along the way. People that I thought would stick by me, when I reached this low point. Guess I was fooled. That hurt a bit. I am not going to let it keep me down. Ultimately, I cannot be responsible for anyone other than myself and how I react to things. I won’t defend myself, I don’t need to. I will not justify myself or my absence, I don’t need to. I will stand and know that I have come through the gates of Tartarus and emerged stronger, smarter and a different person.
To everyone that I have EVER known, whether present in my life or not, I thank you so much for your contribution to my growth. It was through your season(s) of friendship that I have emerged on the other side of this a different person. To the folks who are still with me, I cannot say, words are so inadequate, how much you have meant to me as I navigated these dark corridors of my shadow workings. I love each of you…my friends past and present.
For sometime now, I have been actively working on my “issues” that have been recurring situations in my life. Things like never feeling like I am enough, I am not good enough, I am not smart enough, I am not this or that. As a way to combat this type of behavior in myself I am starting a jar that I will put those bottled up harmful self-speak emotions in. Once a month I am going to burn those papers until the jar has fewer and fewer instances then none at all. I am feeling that I am truly on the right path for healing.
One of the things that I do is work with my gemstones and grids frequently. This is an amazing bit of healing as they lend their energies to me so that I can work things out in a real manner and not just buried or bottled up. I have a lovely grid in the bedroom that has a red lemurian star with amethyst points and some blue chalcedony. The focus of this grid is peaceful rest with dream recall. Amethyst provides a healing, peaceful energies, while the blue chalcedony adds calming + balancing energies to bring me to center. The lemurian seed crystals used to create the star are there for divine connection, and have been programmed to instill restful sleep. With the energies combining on this grid you get an amazing bit of energy for true soul healing while connected to the divine all while sleeping.
In my workspace, I reset my grid every two weeks (at the new moon and full moon). As a result I have reset this grid today. I’ve used smokey lemurian seed crystals, red lemurian seed crystals, zoisite with ruby, bronzite, iolite-sunstone, angelite, carnelian heart, blue onyx. The grid is then surrounded with more lemurian seed crystals in red and smokey, a candle quartz and a red hematoid quartz. Zoisite with Ruby can help you with growth, healing, alleviates grief, anger and hopelessness. It’s a powerful healer to the emotional body. Bronzite can dispel negative energies, help harness self-esteem and raise it, inspires courtesy while alleviating indecision and doubt. Iolite-Sunstone helps enhancing intuitive abilities giving a sense of determination for manifestation and creation. It’s wonderful for confidence and self-assurance. Angelite helps us communicate in a clear and concise way. It’s very soothing to allow peace and
benevolence of spirit + heart. Onyx promotes vigor and stamina, as well as self-confidence, self-control and stimulates the power to make wise decisions. Blue onyx helps with our spiritual strength to get through the rigors of difficult situations. My activation stone here is a carnelian heart, once in place the whole grid becomes entwined energetically. Alone, the carnelian is in place for manifestation of highest goals and dreams. It helps overcome the fear of success and embracing of change. The energies here mix for strength, confidence, peace and healing with grounding and negativity cleansing. This grid provides me the energy to continue to work with myself and with great peace at work. I am enabled to be positive and joyful in my actions, I am confident in my abilities, I remain balanced and grounded.
In each of my grids, I feel the energy filling me up and truly helping me focus on the healing process from years of self-talk that was not healthy and to find the true me below all the masks I wear.
I sat down yesterday and considered what I wanted for my crystal grid now through Full Moon. I finally decided and then set out to get it set, programmed and activated.
To begin it is set upon a slice of Septarian. Septarian is a fascinating stone, combining all the metaphysical properties of the minerals that make it up, making it extremely powerful. It is said to aid communication with Mother Earth as well as to help in overall healing and health. Atop the septarian rests six red lemurian seed crystals.
Lemurian seed crystals embody the soft and loving energies of the cosmic realms, this helps us increase our vibration helping to rise above perceived isolation and loneliness. This stone reminds us that we are never truly alone and reinforce our connection to the divine. Here I am merging mind and spirit with body as the lemurian rests upon the septarian slice. Between each lemurian rests a different stone starting at the south direction with the small citrine cluster. Citrine is perfect for mental clarity, creativity and manifestation. This is a stone that will assist in maintaining my direction when obstacles drift into my path. As we add to the existing stones it reinforces that though there may be blockages or challenges towards a balance of spirit, mind and body, we will be able to move through with a little work. Moving towards the southwest spot is an almandine garnet. Almandine garnet helps us find joy in the physical world in feeling supported and loved. This can help us release anxiety, worry, fears and panic. It can teach us to develop trust in the universal concept of abundance. In the northwest space I have a double terminated herkimer quartz with a baby bridge that also serves as a record keeper. Double terminated quartz allows the energy to flow in both directions to and from the focus. The baby that acts as a bridge will help to “bridge” the gab between physical, spiritual and emotional healing. This is to be considered the medial-stone that will speak and fill the weak spots with creativity, health and light. The fact that this is on a herkimer further adds to this healing energy and facilitates a shift energetically to bring this about. I am going to skip to the north west stone which I have a lovely tumbled Lapis Lazuli. This is often called the stone of the Queen. It will help move the consciousness beyond the mundane to help you identify habits, patterns and lessons that have been difficult in seeing for yourself. In the south west I have clear quartz that is also a bridge. Here I am connecting the two sides of the grid together with the bridges on opposite sides showing that the mundane and the spiritual can merge together in beautiful harmony for healing and health of emotion, spirit and physical bodies together. In the center is a titanium quartz elestial. This is a truly amazing piece in both energy and color. Let’s start with the elestial formation that shows many small tiny and mostly flat termination surrounding the main point atop. This is used for cleansing, healing and reawakening. What an incredible formation this is, which is then coated with titanium and a few other metals to give it the metallic rainbow colors that it reflects. This helps in interactions with others where we may be projecting ourselves onto others. We can see this now and work to heal that. It gives us this opportunity to see ourselves more clearly. This is an energizing stone that not only will help enliven but it will help dispel sorrow and added in for a little physical healing of the immune system. Let’s round back to where we have in the north space to see the placed apolphylite tip. This tip further brings light to the aura and body. Here we are bringing renewed vision to continue with spiritual work when you have been feeling discouraged. This is the activation stone for this grid and was placed last upon the septarian. Surrounding the grid plate are additional support stones. At the cardinal directions are double terminated cherry quartz or cinnabar in quartz points which will bring in hope and revitalization of the spirit through release of tension, depression and anxiety. There are two more red lemurian stones at north west and south east. At south west I placed a candle quartz piece which I have programmed for increased confidence, clarity and tranquility. In the north east I have a red hematoid bridge quartz. Again from the opposite directions we are connecting the remainder of the grid. In this stone we have the properties of both clear quartz and hematite. A stone of light and healing for both physical and spiritual. Programmed to help with focus, clarity of emotions and balancing of the three subtle bodies (spiritual, emotional and physical).
If you look at the whole of all that information you can see the way each stone connects and builds upon the other. Creating and working with crystal grids is a fascinating and amazing thing. I am going to work with my wonderful best friend and boss to bring crystal grids to Sacred Mists Shoppe to help get more light workers using them because they can really pack an energetic punch! Continuing on the path to health and balance, the previous grid and this one build upon one another energetically. With these things, I feel more in touch and in tune than I had previously and that is an amazing thing!
Today at long last, I am starting to really feel human again. The herbal supplements my sister-in-law sent me are really adding some nice bits of symptom relief and healing. YAY! With that in mind I am back on board with life, writing and so much more.
For the last week, going on two I have been fighting (and losing) the battle with a nasty virus. I have been feeling like hammered crap on a tin roof in the middle of a hot and humid summer. That’s to say really poorly. With the addition of the naturopathic supplements to the rest, fluids and time needed to get through this I am feeling significantly better at last. The last week and a half have been absolutely miserable as I waded through dizziness, coughing, sneezing, headaches, congestion, and much more, often not realizing what time or even day it was. Now from the other side of the worst of it, I can see that I truly need to do some serious work on improving my immune system.
As I walked the land of dreams and in between when I was not fully physically present in my body due to the virus, I discovered a great many things about myself with the help of my therapist. 😉 True healing is happening finally and I can say without doubt that the layers of pain are beginning to close up and make that wound a scar that will not open any further. It’s knitting back together as spirit and body work together for the first time in years. Yes, things are changing. I am releasing to the wind fear, anxiety and judgement. Blowing into my life I call courage, confidence and light. My health and spirit are in transition to growth and concretion of that sacred space within.
A lot of things have been floating in and out of my head lately. Some of them about life and weight and health while others are about how I can, energetically and spiritually get through this dark night and continue my personal evolution. Each thought that comes to me I try to acknowledge it so that I can hopefully remember it. Right now the magick of the moment is daily practice of my path and finding health together.
What is daily practice? As with all things, it’s a matter of perspective. Each of us will find something different that is vital to our spiritual growth and well being. For me my daily practice is simple, elegant in a manner and meaningful to me.
I have a friend who has not had “sacred space” readily available for about three years. That’s not to say she’s stopped practicing just she’s been doing it on the fly and nothing of permanence has been set up for her in her own home. I took some time today to help her do some cleaning and I set up some sacred pieces for her then smudged. The house definitely felt different after the fact and I can tell that things will start to improve for her. I see things getting better. She just needed someone to come in and help her get it started after a move.
Anyway, I digressed greatly. Magick and Practice does not have to be these big grand gestures. They do not have to follow a formula or a specific set of correspondences. Do you FEEL something different? Then go with it. Spirit calls to us in different ways. Why do we have to follow the “old rules” when life changes and evolves?
Do the Gods appear differently to you? That’s ok. Is your altar set up in the North? That’s ok. Do you prefer a crystal for a wand and an antler for an athame? That’s ok too. Spirit is fluid. Some of my own personal practices go against the grain. I do sacred showers instead of baths for ritual cleansing. I use stones at the directions to correspond. I do candle magick daily and with simple candles and intentions.
Gemstones are a huge part of my practice and I ALWAYS have them nearby so that I can draw on their wisdom and energies to keep my stresses lower and my light brighter. Right now on my altar is Black Moonstone. Aqua Obsidian, Skeletal Quartz, Chlorite Phantom Quartz, Clear Quartz, Red Hematoid Quartz, Pink Lemurian Quartz. Tibetan Lemurian Quartz, Selenite, Kambaba Quartz and finally Opal Aura Amethyst. Each of these lend me their energies throughout the day for various purposes and healing. If I am feeling stressed…I just take a moment and grab the piece that calls to me and breathe with my eyes closed. It’s amazing.
If you are a fire person keep a jar candle in your sacred space and light that up every day. Jar candles such as Yankee, Ashland, and Village have amazing scents and the jars can be reused once they are finished with. Candles don’t have to be magically poured to work for intention. YOU set the intention and the purpose for it.
Now go out there and do your own wonderful, amazing and beautiful magick!
To those of you, that have been with me on this journey for a long time, I thank you for the love and support you have given me. If you are just joining…strap in, it’s a rockity ride and anything can happen. Let me summarize for those of you just joining the program. In April of this year I decided to do something for my health. I weighed 369+ and could barely walk without lower back + knee pain so severe that I would have to stop after a couple dozen steps at most. A part of that decision was to begin Isagenix 30 day programs to help me maintain my loss and a support of vitamins that would go along with it. A little while later, a good friend of mine Katie, started sharing with me her workouts she was doing with Beach Body. Fast forward a bit. I added in my own beach body workouts in the way of the 10 minute trainer. It doesn’t take a lot of time and pushes me beyond the limits that I have.
As of today I have lost about 92 lbs. I decided to reboot Isagenix as I had to stop workouts and the shakes due to being totally ill for weeks multiple times in a two month period. Reboot started…I have pains again because I have not been caring for my physical movements the way I should.
Part of the reboot includes each of these things:
- Daily workout
- Meal prep to avoid eating out
- Isagenix shakes and vitamins
- Accountability group on Facebook
- Daily accountability with my coach.
It’s a lot of things but the meal prep is the most important for me. I LOVE food. I love food that is bad for me. I love foods that are good for me. I love potato chips even more. So where does this leave the #fatgirl that likes food? I cook my meals so that they are portioned and balanced. I eat slow cooker roasted chicken breasts, veggies, brown rice, yellow rice, potatoes on occasion and pastas (whole wheat or organic) with spaghetti sauce.
The thing is, I love food so much that I will eat until I am so full that I can’t move and it hurts. By portioning this #fatgirl actually gets the right portions of food to go along with her movement. The most important thing for progress is eat better, drink water (need to work on that) and move.
Now for the ultra exciting thing for this #fatgirl. In January I am going to do a 5K again. I’ve completed it once and it took me WAY too long to do. My goal is to do it in an hour or less. If I can do that I can beat my worst time of an hour and forty minutes. I am going to start training for it and mean it this time. I will finish the Color Vibe!
So this weekend was a pretty busy one…then again they all seem to be busy. I have started to really work with gemstones and some very personal workings that I started earlier this year. I am feeling a real difference.
This weekend I made a few decisions that I can share with you:
- I will blog three times a week
- Monday’s will be weekend musings
- Wednesday will be Gemstones + Magick
- Friday will be freeform whatever comes to mind.
- Starting with the new moon tonight I am digging in deeper to some much needed shadow workings.
- I wrote the ritual for tonight and it’s great. LOL
- Daily House of Night Oracle draws are back on.
Aside from all of these decisions I am starting to feel the fog of an ongoing Dark Night of the Soul begin to lift up. There is still work to be done but the fog is not as thick as it once was and for that I am grateful. I am feeling some real joy in life and the world around me as the depression that has hung on in this dark night starts to alleviate some of its stranglehold.
I started preparing for guests arriving at the end of this month. There is not a TON to do but there is enough that I want to do it in small chunks. I got a lot of old dog toys tossed out, started going through some of the excess that is in the front room and will be doing some serious cleaning in the room that used to be the office.
All in all there is a lot of progress going on in both life and spirituality that seems to get kicked up on the weekends. I’m digging it.
Continuing on my quest for accepting myself and going against the grain of traditional beauty standards, I say to you gentle reader, be bold and fierce. Be yourself without apologies. Granted, that is much easier to say than follow through on sometimes but I shall continue to buck the conventional. Some of my most recent experiences are quite contrasting in actions and reactions.
Since this whole movement towards health started for me, I have been berating myself for not doing x or y. I have been religiously using my fitbit to the point that I feel badly if I don’t make my goals for a given day. Even when I am sick I push myself to complete my self-inflicted goals. Sometimes they are more like shackles than goals. I have lost a lot of weight, and my clothes fit me so much better than they have in a long time. While this may be true, I still have a long road ahead of me with my weight. I don’t believe I will ever be thin but I’d like to have one less chin.
One of the things I have noticed, well one of the many really, is that no matter what I am wearing, feeling or participating in, I am always there. On a good day, I might dress a little more nicely and put on some makeup. On a bad day, well I’m in my comfies with my hair pulled up and no makeup. I don’t wear makeup often but when I do, it adds a little something to my step. That something is confidence, a little more “me” that I am regaining from long ago in a galaxy far away.
The thing is, that this is not easy and it’s a labor of peeling back layers and years of negative self-talk and abuse from others out in the world. Guess what though? No matter what is said by you or to you, at the end of the day you are the only person that will always be there. You will always find a way to make it through and yes there may be support systems for you to help you. It’s up to you to make the changes for yourself.
So how do you change what is ingrained into your very spirit? You start with affirmations. Affirm that YOU ARE good, beautiful, smart, successful. Whatever it is you want to be, tell yourself you are that very thing. Tell yourself everyday. Eventually the negative and harmful thoughts about yourself? They go away. Does wearing makeup make you feel beautiful? Wear it. Nails? Paint them! Make sure you look in a mirror for your affirmations. Believe them and they will be.
I’m sure there will be more about this later but this is enough of a start for now. 😉