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On a cool afternoon recently, I laid in the grass and grounded then centered and balanced my chakras.  It was glorious.

On a cool afternoon recently, I laid in the grass and grounded then centered and balanced my chakras. It was glorious.

We are coming upon the time of the second harvest, Mabon.  Before going into my plans and talking a little more about Mabon, yes I know it’s not actually an old name, that it was made up to sound old and blah blah blah.  I will continue to use it, because it resonates and speaks to my original roots in Wicca and new age spirituality almost 20 years ago.

As I was saying, it’s time for the second harvest.  This is the Autumnal Equinox, opposite the Vernal Equinox for spring.  The two days where the day is evenly split between light and dark.  For me, I take this time welcome the harvest that I am reaping in this year’s magickal workings.  There, of course, has been a lot going on in my year.  I have seen huge changes and shifts in my own life that speak to a more peaceful and abundant future.  I am working at healing myself on every level so that I can ultimately find true happiness WITHIN as well as out.  It’s a lot of work.

As my shifting perspective moves from summer into fall, I come to several conclusions about the year thus far.  It has been hell on wheels.  It has been transformative.  It has been amazing.  It has been sad.  It has been angry.  My goals are simple, I want to be healthier, I wanted my friends to stick by me as I went through some personally trying and dark stuff.  I needed people to understand that I am not going to always be right there and ready or willing to do things or even talk all the time.  I have to be able to do this self-healing work.  I’m sorry that my healing affected my friends.  That was never my intention.  I am a different person than I was even two months ago.

Every morning, I wake up and breathe deeply, thankful that I have made it to another day.  Each morning, I give my family all the love I have and then I give the same amount to friends that cross my path in that day.  It will not always be the same people but everyday I am sending a little more love into the world.  You see, the more I love myself, the more I have to share with the world.  My mind is expanding, it’s perceiving things differently and I am more balanced than I have been in years.  Not there yet, but it’s happening.

This Mabon, I am going to make my red wine Mabon Pot Roast, I am going to share that with friends and family.  What is left, I might just package up to give to some homeless folks.  I am thankful to still be here.  I am thankful to have friends who truly care about me.  I am thankful to the family that loves me.  I am thankful to my Coven.  I am thankful to my Circle.  I am thankful to my Tribe.

What are you thankful for this Mabon?

Hi there folks!  I realize that I’ve probably lost anyone who still followed my blog in my once again absence.  To say that life caught up with me?  Well that would be a gross understatement.  We have arrived on the final day of August in 2016, it’s 10pm Pacific and I am sitting here with an amazing amount of thoughts rolling through my head.

In the last little while, I’ve been through so much and have really spiritually grown in new and fantastic ways.  My path has deepened.  My crystal healing work is continuing to grow in terms of knowledge and overall collection.  I am content again.  I am going to start working out again via BeachBody On Demand.  I am stepping outside my comfort zone and really working on myself and the world around me.

I realized, not that long ago, that while I may not believe it, I do have value.  I do deserve happiness.  I deserve feeling and being beautiful.  What does this all mean?  Well I am doing new things.  I am starting small with things like my hair, my wardrobe and working out at least 5 days a week to start.  I am writing a lot, I am learning a lot.  Above all, I’ve learned to love myself for who I am not for any of the qualifiers that people put on me.  What do they know that I do not, about myself?  Pretty much nothing.

Who am I?  I am a witch.  I am fat. I am beautiful. I am worthy.  I am loved.  I love.  I have some really fantastic friends, who when I was at my absolute lowest, they stood by me.  These are the people that lift me up instead of tear me down.  The friends who helped me when I fell, the ones who stood for me when I could not.  Beautiful spirits, each one of them that stood by me when I could not stand by them because I was broken and struggling to regain myself.  I lost a few friends along the way.  People that I thought would stick by me, when I reached this low point.  Guess I was fooled.  That hurt a bit.  I am not going to let it keep me down. Ultimately, I cannot be responsible for  anyone other than myself and how I react to things.  I won’t defend myself, I don’t need to. I will not justify myself or my absence, I don’t need to.  I will stand and know that I have come through the gates of Tartarus and emerged stronger, smarter and a different person.

To everyone that I have EVER known, whether present in my life or not, I thank you so much for your contribution to my growth.  It was through your season(s) of friendship that I have emerged on the other side of this a different person.  To the folks who are still with me, I cannot say, words are so inadequate, how much you have meant to me as I navigated these dark corridors of my shadow workings.  I love each of you…my friends past and present.

In this moment, I thank everyone who has ever been in my life.  I offer you my love and genuine thanks in this blessed moment as I transition to what comes next.

In this moment, I thank everyone who has ever been in my life. I offer you my love and genuine thanks in this blessed moment as I transition to what comes next.

Hann's Park Feb. 2013.  Good morning Sunshine!

Hann’s Park Feb. 2013. Good morning Sunshine!

I had wanted to start my re-entry into blogging with something positive and uplifting.  I am not sure this qualifies but it is relevant and what is happening right now.

Last weekend I went to Mare Island to participate in The Color Vibe 5K.  This is the second time I have done this particular 5K though it was in a different location this year.  The group I was to be walking with dwindled from 6 to 3 as folks dropped out for one reason or another.  I was mentally prepared for this.  Physically I would have been fine if not for the Sciatic attack the day previous that was still bugging me that morning.  I hoped with lots of stretching I would be ok.  It was not to be the case.  At approximately the 2nd of the 3.1 miles of the walk/run I had to stop.  I had been compensating to relieve pressure from my right side to my left and my knee had enough of that. I was, to say the least, disappointed.

I felt defeated and like I had failed.  I have been carrying this around since Saturday and today is Thursday.  At no point have I stopped walking in the time since.  Yes I have been kind to my body so that I could recover but I have continued forcing myself up and about to get through the physical pains and strains.  I have not; however, always been kind to myself emotionally in the last week.  I have decided that under no circumstances can this defeating self-talk continue.

It started with the words from Jennifer that were to me to be kind to myself and to walk that talk.  Change the negative to positive.  It continued with Lorien saying “fuck em” to anyone who decided to be cruel to me and let it roll off my back.  I am resolved to make this happen.  For the next 30 days.  Everyday I will say nice things to myself.  At the end of 30 days, I will feel differently.  I will have made my new habits and will walk my way from the dark.  Once again I will live in the light and joy of my life.  Hello Sunshine, it’s nice to see you again.

Mystic Sisters painting by Emily Balivet

Mystic Sisters painting by Emily Balivet

On Friday, February 14, I left my home and headed down to San Carlos to pick up my good friend Victoria.  After a pick up and load of the rental, we traveled a little further into San Jose for Pantheacon.  This was to be something extraordinarily memorable for me, you see this was the first “pcon” that I would be able to make it to.  When I lived in Florida there wasn’t time or funds for me to fly to the opposing coast for just a few days.  Last year I could not make it as we still had boxes and hadn’t been in CA long enough to even settle.

Going into the weekend I did not know what to expect.  I’ve attended various events in the past ranging from public circles, workshops, Pagan Pride and the Goddess Festival (2010 from Z Budapest) and none of them could have even remotely prepared me for what I would encounter this weekend.  Not that this was in anyway a bad thing, just something that had to be experienced in order to truly understand.

First I would like to start out by saying that everyone there helped create an energetic and safe place for pagans to gather, exchange ideas, have ritual and more together.  Victoria and I arrived early afternoon on Friday and went through the check-in process both with the hotel and the festival/conference.  After check-in we ran into some of her friends who own Xcentricities Corsets and work with them when they are in town.  We were minionized to help hold doors and such, which was fun.  The first workshop we attended was at 1:30 and for Fiber Magick.  It was definitely more thought provoking than I thought it would be.  My working with fiber is very limited as I am  not a spinner, crocheter, knitter, etc but it definitely gave me some ideas on working with fabrics, threads and even hair.  Following this we attended Pagan Theurgy surrounding ceremonial magick and the use of neo-platonic philosophy and the bits that go along with it.  Absolutely fascinating and something I am going to look more into.  That evening we attended a Ritual of Calling the Guardians from Thorn Coyle.

As the first day drew to a close we met up with Victoria’s friends (and wonderful people she generally rooms with yearly) Ben and Rebecca.  I must say that meeting these wonderful people, this family that included so many amazing people that have come together as a family was altering for me.  It is one thing to attend such a large conference and experience workshop and ritual and quite another thing to befriend some amazing people.  Ben, Rebecca, Shirley, Sandy, Kay, Dan, Ynhared, Kevin, Nathania, Tony, Richard and many more whom I may be forgetting at the moment…simply beautiful and amazing people with warm hearts, wit and many senses of humor that simply had me laughing and laughing.

The weekend came fully to life on Saturday as many more people joined the conference for workshops such as Rethinking Community for the Solitary Pagan and many others.  Saturday I needed a break in the afternoon so I napped to rid myself of a headache.  We hung out a bit more and had so much fun!  It was amazing how many more people showed up on Saturday and Sunday than had been present on Friday.  Sunday brought the ADF Ritual for Community Service and work, a non-stop chanting workshop with Margot Adler, a workshop on The Woman Magician with Brandy Williams (who also ran the Theurgy workshop we attended earlier in pcon).  Much more schmoozing and having a good time Sunday evening as everything started to wind down for the weekend.

On our last morning we attended a workshop on Pop Culture Magick then packed up said our good byes and head home.  All in all the weekend was amazing for me.  I will be writing one more post on how some of the events/workshops/rituals I attended, affected me.  This includes the effects these new friends have had on me as I  move forward in my path this lifetime.  Would I do this again?  Most definitely.

DSCN0831Yesterday I celebrated Mabon with my Coven, The Willow Grove of the Sacred Mists.  It is always a true joy for me to celebrate with the amazing women who have joined this little group.  We are at 5 members now and 3 came yesterday.  It was a lovely little ritual and I am really enjoying putting things together for everyone.  Our Mabon ritual was beautiful and I truly feel a bond with these beautiful women.  As time marches on we will, no doubt, gain new members and go through all that entails and I can’t wait to share the beautiful aspects of life with everyone.

After our ritual was concluded we adjourned to the inside of the house for our feast.  I made potato corn chowder, Pam brought fresh made zucchini bread, fresh berries brought by Janet and Robin.  We chatted and ate together and started doing some planning for activities and crafts together.

Our gatherings are all set up to Samhain with the ability to jiggle the dates slightly.  You can tell that it is now fall here, the air has taken on a slight chill with the same temperatures at night and the days are noticeably shorter than in the summer.  All in all it’s been a great year even with the difficulties that I have encountered.  Triumph over adversity!

On the 28th I am going to do my first ever 5K and I will write about that in a little while separately, everything is so exciting this time of year and I am beside myself with the joy of the season.  After circle yesterday, Jenn came up with Jersey.  We went over to the Mare Island Preserve and walked.  I stopped a little up from the Bowser Garden (half way)…well I stopped at the Garden then rested and continued up a little.  We had dinner at our favorite little family Mexican restaurant around the corner from the house.  I got a new fitbit tracker since the case on the Ultra cracked.  I have the Zip now which will do wireless updates to the dashboard.  only problem is I lost a couple days of data off the Ultra.  Bummer.  Yesterday I did almost 6700 steps. Not my highest but pretty darned good.

I am just all over the place today with my thoughts and am going to call it for right now before I just ramble on and on. 😉

~Written by Seth Godin~
We can choose to “give back,” or we can choose to give.Viewing the web as a platform for generosity is very different than seeing an opportunity to turn it into an ATM machine. The way we spend our time online determines not only whether or not the community we choose grows and thrives, but it decides whether or not we will be part of what is built.”What can I contribute today,” might be the very best way to become part of a community. Relentless generosity brings us closer together.The alternative? The masses of web surfers spending their time wasting their time, taking, clicking, scamming or being scammed.When you think of the real communities you belong to, your family, your best friends, the tribes that matter… of course the decision is easy. We don’t try to earn a little extra money when we split the bill at dinner or calculate market rate interest on a loan to a dear friend. And yet, when we get online, it’s easy to start rationalizing our way to short-term behavior and selfishness.Take or give?
KatherineBarber_Sisters
The above is from a blog that I recently started following. It’s random short snippets that are life based, sometimes business based or marketing based. Things I use in my everyday professional life.When I saw this post today (catching up from being out last Monday), I immediately was taken aback by the subtle truth offered in this. My thoughts on this, I offer for your consideration. We often talk of giving back to the community, this in it’s very nature implies that the community we are giving to has given us something and we feel required to give something back to it. This is then a relationship of mutual benefit. In the past I have always said I wanted to give back to the community but never really thought about what I was saying or the implications of that act. It’s not that I am giving back to a community, a person, I am simply gifting to another person.An example of what I mean, when I worked outside of home and before I worked for Sacred Mists, every Friday I would visit Dunkin Donuts and pay for the order of the car behind me…in what I called Drive Thru Pay it Forward. I simply gave a free meal or coffee to someone who does not know me to spread some abundance into their lives. I did not know them and would never meet them so it was not me giving back. I was simply giving.Giving back is a small part of what I do at Sacred Mists. I volunteer my time to help other students above and beyond my normal job duties to give back to the community that trained me. Yes I paid for my training and received a good spiritual education and training in my chosen path; however, I still gave back above and beyond the services rendered. Does that make it giving back or simply giving?  The more I think on this the more I feel it’s not really “giving back” but simply giving.
When you pay for services rendered it is a mutually beneficial arrangement.  You receive a good or service and the seller receives compensation for time, effort and materials.  This is seen more directly when dealing with small businesses and artisans but can be seen in every facet of life and business.  At some point it becomes greater than an equal compensation (seen most directly in large businesses who yield high profit).  Still it is not “giving back” or “giving” it is a business transaction or relationship.
In order to give then I presume that there must be nothing in it (other than a feeling of good perhaps) for you the giver.  I feel this when I give out blessing bags to the homeless, make donations to a local charity or simply give freely of my time, goods or spirit to those who come to me in any fashion.  This is the essence of what it is to give.  At the end of the day, when I have given of myself I feel a happiness or peace that I have done something beneficial or kind to another person.  Even when what I give is but a random smile or greeting, someones day has been brightened.  Is this then the true sense of giving or is it still a transaction where I give and receive a good feeling.
There is much to consider in this and I do not hold the answers just more questions; however,  I will not cease to be kind and help those who wish to be a part of my life.  I will give and be at peace with whatever this is that I do.