A Witch & Depression

Shining light into the darkness and shadows...River in the campground we stayed at...a beautiful time to be in nature.

Shining light into the darkness and shadows…River in the campground we stayed at…a beautiful time to be in nature.

This is a scary thing for me to admit and it’s something not many people know but here it is.

I have had depression for most of my life, dating back to high school.  Then it was considered hormones as I grew into my adult life, then it was considered “all in my head” where no one wanted to treat me.  I eventually broke down several years ago and made my doctor listen, his response was “I don’t think you have depression and it’s all in your head.  Here are some mild anti-depressants take them as long as you want or not at all and stop whenever you want”, never once did he ask me about it again.  They did not help…they turned me into a zombie with zero emotions going through life with no joy or anything at all.  I stopped taking them.

At some point I have tried many different herbal remedies and ultimately had some successes for brief periods with them.  They never lasted long.  For years I struggled and became a shell of myself though I am easily able to hide it by turning myself “on” when I am out in the world.  Only an empath might be able to tell the difference.  I was very good at hiding except when I was at home.  Many years passed and thoughts became darker and darker until I decided that if I did not do something about it, those dark thoughts would win eventually.  I searched for a new doctor, it would be my first attempt since we moved to California.  I was a wreck right up to the appointment with panic attacks and fear of a repeat performance of the last time I tried (which now was about ten years).  I sat in the examination room and when the doctor walked in, I felt a sigh of relief within my spirit.  Something told me THIS doctor would listen.  I spoke to her about many of the things I was experiencing.  She listened to my horror stories of past doctors.  Ultimately, she diagnosed severe depression with social anxiety.  Thank the Gods!  Someone finally listened and I can get some help.  We worked on a treatment plan and since that day in December I have been back in the office several times for evaluations.  By taking a chance I saved my life with her help.

Now a lot of people have always said those that are on medications that alter their chemical composition should not practice witchcraft.  I have never understood this.  Having depression and getting treated does not mean you are incapable of connecting with deity and spirit.  I have found quite the opposite.  I have worked with deity to help me through the worst spots and even now when I have a bad day, and yes I do still have them but they are much better, I turn to spirit to help me through it.  My mental processes are much more clear and positive than they have been in years.  I truly feel other emotions now than just sadness, anger and depression, the others are returning to me and I have found as my chemical balance is restored that I can connect much better to spirit, to deity and to other people through my gift of empathy.

Am I alright?  Not yet but I can see a light in the tunnel at long last and the feels are real.  Working with spirit helped save my life before it got too bad, working with my doctor saved my life when it was too bad for me to make it on my own any more.  I feel no shame in having done these things, though I am aware that people will look at me differently now that the “truth” is out there. It is but once facet of who I am.

I am a living, breathing, healing witch.  I walk my path everyday and with every breath I feel better, with every interaction I smile and with every smile, hug and laugh…I know I am on the right road.

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Posted on 24 February '15 by , under Dark Night, Growth, Life, Spirituality.

2 Comments to “A Witch & Depression”

#1 Posted by Raushanna (24.02.15 at 10:27 )

A witch shouldn’t practice because she is on meds? Nonsense! Shamans and witches have used chemicals throughout history in order to be able to focus. Finding chemical balance is important, and since each of us is a unique work of art, we each have individual needs. You are meeting your needs in a responsible way, and that is living through Perfect Love and Trust, with Harm to None. I’m so glad this Doc has worked out for you.

Love you!!

#2 Posted by Lilyth (25.02.15 at 15:31 )

I am in agreement with you. You would not believe some of the vitriol that was out and abundant at that when I first started walking my path. I’ve worked through much of that conception but this was the last step of working on that for me. Admitting it publicly and moving forward in my path to meet not only my needs but the needs of my community. <3