A Rose by any other name

Lately I have been feeling wilty not at all soft and velvety the way a rose should feel.  This stems from many places and please forgive me if this post is a little all over the place.

About two weeks ago my life was thrown for a terrible and ugly loop.  Something I had faith in and counted on was stripped out from under my feet.  This was a true shock to my system and one I have not fully recovered from yet, though I continue to try to do so.

I tend to freely trust people until they prove to me that they are no longer worthy of my trust.  I have spent the last two weeks looking at why I need to change this policy.  Even when you know someone it seems you cannot really know them.

The sting of discovering someone is not what they appeared, said they were or even that they were your ‘sister’ or friend for life, to find that emotions and vows mean so little to people truly makes me sad and even angry in some ways.

If you have a problem with me COME TO ME don’t commiserate with people about it.  Even if you think you can’t and that I might take it wrong.  Come to me and we can talk about it and work it out.  I am not unreasonable.  Yes I have high standards, yes I expect people to live up to them if I let them in my life.  This is not an easy place to be and sometimes when I am repeating myself multiple times I do get frustrated but it’s just part of being a human.

I think I have learned a great deal from the opportunity that has been presented to me a couple weeks back.  I have some very strong work ethics and will work around the clock to make things right and good and I expect the same from others who work with me.  Perhaps this may be unrealistic or unfair and is something I will be working on.  My standards for myself will not change; however, I will find better ways to communicate things to those around me to ensure that it is well understood what the expectations are so that individuals can make up their own minds as to whether or not they can meet the demands of a given position or workload and if they cannot, I will happily work with them to achieve their own goals and try to work them in with  my own.

It’s been a very hard place for me to be in as I know that people do not like me, do not believe me or do not want to do either.  I am who I am.  I cannot own your feelings or ethics, but I can own my own and I vow to do better for myself and those who work with me so that I can continue to grow both personally and spiritually with peace in my heart.

The pain that has been caused is extreme; however, I have moved past it and will continue to grow from the experience for sometime.  I wish nothing but the best to everyone and that will not change.

For now, I am going to call it a day and tomorrow is a brand new day filled with the potential for greatness and beauty.

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Posted on 13 August '10 by , under Growth, Life.

One Comment to “A Rose by any other name”

#1 Posted by Raushanna (13.08.10 at 09:41 )

My dearest friend, sometimes the most powerful weapon we have against the events and effects of life that hurt us most is the choice to just let go of those hurts and allow them to drop away. In letting them go like that, we cut off their food supply and doom them to death by starvation, so that those strong hurts with tentacles that grab and don’t let go will wither away and turn to dust. Releasing the hurts is not an easy process because of those invasive tentacles, but it sounds as if you have found a way.

Take that, nasty hurts!!!!