A flurry of activity

Walking in Hann's park, early in the morning, I get to see and hear the world as it awakes and nature begins her day filled with the sounds of birds singing and even owls getting ready to turn in for the day.  Magick & Joy everywhere!

Walking in Hann’s park, early in the morning, I get to see and hear the world as it awakes and nature begins her day filled with the sounds of birds singing and even owls getting ready to turn in for the day. Magick & Joy everywhere!

Things have been, quite busy at home the last week or so to the point that I just don’t know whether I am coming or going some days. *laugh*

It’s been a week since Tyr left and in many ways I still feel that loss very acutely and have avoided the office for about three weeks now.  Initially it was avoided as I simply did not want to be irritated at her because she would go on the floor instead of in her box, then because I was always cleaning in here and finally out of feeling guilty that I thought of myself instead of her health for so long before we let go of trying to make her happy.

I did a bit of cleaning this weekend including some serious vacuuming in the rooms that have carpet.  I think I am going to start figuring out a plan for ways to get rid of some of the ‘stuff’ I have on and in my desk to maybe eventually move to only having one big desk in here that we can both use and move my crafting table in from the garage and maybe make the “office” an office and crafting room.  I like keeping things clean so instead of putting stuff away that I don’t use, I am going to get rid of it.  *nod*

Over the last weekend I came to realize that when I do not want to face something, I  avoid it.  I see a pattern in past behavior and am not real crazy about what I see.  When I am uncomfortable, unhappy about something I try to pretend it does not exist.  It can be seen in the situation I mentioned above with the office at home.  I was not happy with the situation so I steered clear of it.  It was not a conscious decision but one I made out of habit and reflex.  I’ve decided that it is time to break this habit so here I sit in a mostly clean office with a cluttered desk.  It’s not the most comfy situation since my desk is completely cluttered but I will do this for part of today and overcome.  I will clean my desk off and get things situated so that I do not avoid a room in my home.

Years ago, I would do just that (and for many years).  It was clearly evident that I would avoid a room as that room would have the door shut or blocked so that you could not see in it.  I would put “stuff” in the room till you could not walk through the room easily and then hide that stuff with the door or a room divider to give it the ‘closed’ look.  Then I’d forget what I put in there.  Time and time again.  It’s like taking an emotion and putting it in the bottom of the well of thought and spirit and leaving it there.  It becomes distant and not dealt with.

That ends now.  If I don’t need it, I get rid of it.  If I don’t use it, I get rid of it.  If I do use it or need it, then it will be put away.  The clutter has not continued since we moved to CA and I will not allow it to start now.  I will face my shadows as they are brought to light.  I will incorporate them into my life and transform the fears into determination.

Yep a tough road ahead continues…it’s what I asked for when I put forth the magick to manifest a life in CA.  Transformation isn’t easy boys and girls but it is worth it.

I leave you with this thought…You’ve willed it, you’ve given it life, what will you do with it?  Will you let it transform you into something more or will you fear it and hide it?  I’m transforming and evolving as a woman, a wife, a friend a spirit, everyday.  Shedding my old skin for something new.

Posted on 4 March '13 by , under Life.

One Comment to “A flurry of activity”

#1 Posted by JenniferBasalone (04.03.13 at 13:34 )

“It’s like taking an emotion and putting it in the bottom of the well of thought and spirit and leaving it there.” i say to many friends, your home reflects and influences your mental state. Some of us are a little more tuned to that than others, but typically your living space is a clear physical representation of your mental state.  Very intuitive and I liked reading it! Self-Awareness is key and facing stuff like going into the room will make you stronger each time you do it. Good Job!