Archive for July, 2015

Going with the flow…

Shining light into the darkness and shadows...River at the campground at Big Sur.

Shining light into the darkness and shadows…River at the campground at Big Sur.

There are a number of things that affect our daily lives, while most of them we can honestly do nothing about.  There are things that we can control and they all surround your person.  You can control your energy, your attitude, your confidence and light.  The world around you can and will affect the things you can control.  Someone cuts you off in traffic, cuts in line, acts rudely and so on; these things will enter your sphere of joy and pop it like a bubble.  All of those things that happen to us are out of our control.  Where we go from the moment something “happens to us” is where our control steps in.

One of the things in my life is that I am fat.  I have been fat most of my life and it’s something I always have struggled with. During my struggles I have worked out to the extreme (swimming for an hour after an hour of cardio and/or weights).  I was “fit” but not thin to some degree.  I was thick.  Recently I decided, to stop striving for thin, to stop comparing myself to other women’s bodies.  I am my own, my body belongs to the spirit that is me.  I will never be thin and you know what?  GOOD!  I don’t need to be, to be awesome or beautiful.  All I need is health, love and happiness.

So now that I have made the decision to not try to be skinny, I define what health is for me.  Health for me is being able to walk without extreme knee pain or extreme back pain.  Health for me is being able to keep up with my pups, my family and my friends.  Health is a complete state of being where my body is as content as my spirit.

at Hann's Park under a Willow tree near the stream

at Hann’s Park under a Willow tree near the stream

The next question is how to get to that place.  For me it’s a matter of finding balance in how I eat, what I eat and exercise.  In general, I tend to dislike working out for the sake of working out so I do things like mopping, cleaning, walking the dogs to feel like I am “doing something”.  This is proving to not be enough so I am going to start a workout routine a little something everyday.

I am not going to get all crazy about it, I am going to go with the flow.  I need fluidity in my life and path.  There is movement that goes in both directions.  Not only in weight and health but in the spiritual as well.  It begins small with daily meditations which include a moment of healing and strength sent to the world fur use in whatever fashion it is needed.  It continues with kindness, smiling and yes teaching.  In the quiet moments, I am able to sit, listen to the birds outside and find that space inside that whispers, flow with me.

Sometimes the voice is so soft that I can barely hear it over the din of my own thoughts which demand my attention.  The act of stillness can be quite difficult to achieve sometimes but I keep trying to get there to go with the flow that life takes me…without compromising myself.  This is where my path comes in and shares it’s light from within so that I can flow as a tide.  Not every time will things go my way, hell even half the time they don’t!  Just don’t give up.  I live with depression everyday.  I struggle in life, as do many others.  Your path is your own and your journey your own.  Take a moment to affirm that it is yours and that comparison does more harm than any good.

You are unique.  Your path unique, your experiences, everything.  Lean towards friends for support, when you need to vent remind them that you are not looking for answers but just an outlet and to please simply listen and provide hugs and empathy to their plight.  When we go with the flow, we can flow together for the highest good of everyone.  Yes I am babbly today, I apologize for that.  A cohesive thought process was not meant to be for this.  I simply went with the flow of the thoughts and yes I feel more peaceful.  Write.  Sing.  Dance.  Be Alive.  You are beautiful and wonderful.

Posted on 14 July '15 by , under Life, meditation, Spirituality. No Comments.

Confessions of a Fat Witch


Me with my new haircut and color. I love the red and the shorter cut.

Let me start by stating I am using the word fat as a descriptor not an insult to myself.  Can fat be used that way?  Most definitely, I have been on the receiving side of that more times than I can possibly even recount.  For far many more years than I care to admit, I let the words of others define me.  Perhaps not define exactly but let it color who I was.  Statements like “You’d be beautiful if you lost a few pounds”, “Are you sure you should be drinking soda and not water?”, “Maybe you should skip dessert or not eat that bread”; these things hurt and eventually seep into how we see ourselves and eventually we believe these statements to be fact.

As I have moved through my life, descriptors have come and gone, a constant is that I identify as a Witch.  I practice witchcraft and Wicca.  I worship the Gods of ancient times.  Nature is my church, my home is my temple and everything about me is meant to be a part of that sacred nature of life.  I cast spells, I perform rituals, I offer grieving services, rites of passage in many forms and I also do laundry, clean kitty litter, do dishes and clean up after my dogs.

Each of the things I “do” is a facet of my greater whole.  I do all this PLUS I have a job I adore at Sacred Mists, I spend time with my husband, I play video games, I exercise, I take my dogs to the dog park.  You get it.  I am, in short, a human on this beautiful blue and green planet we call Earth.  Also a facet of my greater whole is that I like food.  Yes I do get up and exercise, I walk, I drink water more than soda (now), I don’t eat sweets.  I do have a weakness for tortillas and salsa.  So added to the sacredness of the life I try to lead, I am also “Fat”.  This is considered a dirty word.  I don’t know why but it is.  I’ve considered it a horrible word that can damage the self-esteem of many wonderful people.

Door Knockers from Labyrinth that says above, Don't you know it's rude to stare.  LOVE this shirt.

Door Knockers from Labyrinth that says above, Don’t you know it’s rude to stare. LOVE this shirt.

A month ago I started working with some very good friends on an “I Feel Pretty” challenge on Facebook.  It was supposed to be a few friends and I where we do little challenges to help bring our self esteem back up and stop tearing ourselves down so much.  It went from a few people to over a dozen and it might grow even more, who knows for sure.  The difference I am seeing, in myself is AMAZING.  A month ago, I would have argued with you if you told me I was beautiful.  Now I say thank you.  As I shop and walk, I keep my head up more often than not.  In this last instance, I have seen a difference in the way people treat me.  I’ve had people come to my assistance more in stores than before and treat me like a valuable human being and not just “another fat girl trying to be pretty”.  You know what?  I am a fat girl.  I am also pretty.  I can rock a pair of leggings with a cute top like no one’s business.  I can also rock a new hair cut and color like I was born to have it.

I’ve begun to see the changes in the world surrounding me and in my interactions.  My confidence is becoming better again.  Don’t let anyone tell you that you are not worthy.  Don’t let ANYONE tell you that you are not pretty.  Also do not let ANYONE ELSE define who you are.  Only YOU can define who you are.  You are beautiful  You are worthy.  You deserve love.  Hold your head high no matter what others tell you and know your own worth.  You have something someone else does not.

Posted on 8 July '15 by , under Life, Looks. 5 Comments.