Archive for May, 2015

I feel…pretty, oh so pretty…

Me on 2-27-2013 as I was working in my living room before I left for Napa for work stuff.

Me on 2-27-2013 as I was working in my living room before I left for Napa for work stuff.

Something has been on my mind a lot lately and it’s something that I’ve been noticing, not only in myself but also in others that I am close to. This “thing” is self-deprecating talk. Harmful and negative self-talk seems to be abundant and a never-ending stream of, pardon the expression, smoke we blow up our own asses. Granted, not all of us have this problem but those of us that do; we are all nodding together thinking, YES. We know what we are doing is harmful to our spirit, yet we persist because we do not know how to stop.

For a moment, I am going to define what beauty is, to me. What is beauty? Beauty is the laughter of friends, family and loved ones. Beauty is the catch I get in my breath when I am talking to my husband or when he kisses me. Beauty is in the wag and smiles of my dogs. I see it everywhere I look in nature and feel it in the way the sun or wind caresses my skin. It is in kindness, compassion, joy and love. It is not always something you can see but something felt. How does the dictionary define beauty?

Full Definition of BEAUTY

1: the quality or aggregate of qualities in a person or thing that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit: loveliness

2: a beautiful person or thing; especially: a beautiful woman

3: a particularly graceful, ornamental, or excellent quality

4: a brilliant, extreme, or egregious example or instance <that mistake was a beauty>

If you are looking at the first definition, you can see that in my answer, yet when you ask any person they will lean towards number two…loveliness in something, something, well pretty. How does this fall into anything? When I was younger, I did things that made me feel beautiful. I would do my hair, I would dress flatteringly, I would do make up. Over time I have become to feel un-attractive. I feel that it is a waste of effort to go through any of the steps that would previously be something I would consider beautiful. I mean why bother? I am fat, not beautiful so any effort is wasted.

I cannot pin down when my attitude changed but I am pissed right now. How did this happen? I used to feel beautiful, desirable and even when I was fatter than I currently am, attractive. In some ways, this comes from years of untreated depression. Now, I am moving forward and SEEING these habits that I have fallen into. I refuse to let them get any worse.

How do I bring back to the front, the woman hiding inside me? I’m going to start with being more active, getting healthy (physically) again. I am going to do daily affirmations and I am going to keep my nails pretty and start doing make up…even if I am not leaving the house.

What makes you feel beautiful? Why did you stop doing it? Do you want to join me in a challenge of thirty days to a new habit of bringing your inner fierce woman back out? Let me know here or on Facebook and I’ll get the group up and going. Challenges, pictures and sharing will be a part and who knows what else I might think up. C’mon you know you want to!

Posted on 28 May '15 by , under Life, Looks. No Comments.

Rebooting Life…

DSCN0072When your computer, phone, tablet and the like have problems, the first thing most people do is rebooting them to clear any lingering processes that aren’t quite closing right. Sometimes, you really just want to do that with life as well.

There comes a time that when stresses pile up, that you become totally overwhelmed and just don’t know where to start. When you are in that place, a lot of the time you just never start. Things pile up higher and higher and soon you feel buried, overwhelmed and just want to curl up for a long nap and a good cry.

When you get to this place, you cannot even truly tell you are in it but you know you are true and well, overwhelmed and feel buried beneath all the things you are responsible for. Things begin slipping through the cracks, work becomes less important, focus begins to wane and motivation, well that is gone too. I’ve been in this place lately and let me tell you, my friend that it’s not easy to overcome.

Walking through the wilderness of life you are confronted with many lessons and challenges that ultimately will enable and help you to grow to whatever may be next for you as a human or a spirit. We never know what these things will teach us, how we will react to them or what will happen on the other side. The darkness that we encounter through each is real and it can be all encompassing for a time. How do you confront that which you cannot see? How do you work through the dark night? How do you, differentiate challenge and lesson to just rotten luck? I don’t have any of the answers to these questions but I can tell you that I’ve asked myself these questions so many times to date that the answers of them, well they no longer matter to me.

The realizations that I have had have helped me get from one “nasty” spot to a place that is more beautiful by immeasurable numbers. Before I get into the grit of my experiences, I should warn you that these are simply my thoughts based on the situations that I have experienced in some form during my short life of 42 years. There comes a time in life when you just kick off your shoes and decide that you will not continue down a destructive path.

My shoes are now kicked off; I’ve had enough of the drama. There is only one-way for me and that is forward. I’m sure along the way forward I will fall flat on my face and that some things, simply will not work out the way I intend or hope. I refuse to let this slow me down or get me down.

It begins now with a health reboot. I put on my big girl panties and decided I would stop self-sabotaging my health. I am back on my bandwagon and will continue to move forward. I am continuing some very deep work to complete the righting of my “self” and spirit. Through meditation and journaling I will be working towards a healthy spirit, through diet and exercise I will be working towards a healthy body. My practices will be evolving into a new lifestyle that will serve me better.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I begin this day with affirmations. I am healthy; I am filled with spirit and light. I feel love and receive love. I am a beautiful person.

 

Posted on 28 May '15 by , under Growth, Life, Spirituality. No Comments.