Archive for February, 2015

Never alone…

Wallpaper found on Wallisty

Wallpaper found on Wallisty

Even in our darkest hours we are never truly alone.  If you open your heart, you will feel the support surrounding you.  I have a vision, it’s a simple one but mine nevertheless.  I want to share my experiences, I want to learn more and help those who have walked the path in the dark, thinking they were alone for far too long and offer them support and more.

This is my vision: In my this work I will combine my Priestesshood with the counseling of those who have depression or similar disorders. For years we fight alone and without the support that can be garnered by community and our Priesthood. As a result of this solitude, we often encounter fear, self-loathing and the impression we are weak. None of this is the case. I plan to bring counseling and tools to the Sacred Mists community to help my brothers and sisters, which suffer from the multitude of depressive disorders. This will be done through community, counseling and helping to provide quality information and tools to work within spirit and with both western and eastern medicinal traditions for healing. I will accomplish this through research, training and outreach.

I am in the infant phases of this at the present.  I am doing the exploration right now to determine the need and desire for this very thing.  In this exploration I see potential services to be offered:

  • Community Support via closed forum for privacy
  • IM support/counseling
  • Phone support/counseling
  • Spell work support with counseling
  • Reiki, Spell work, Meditation support with counseling

Some of these services will be free of charge, others will carry a moderate fee for time and materials (where applicable).  This of course will be offered on a sliding scale for folks who need the support but just cannot afford it.  I am also considering doing this with a pay it forward aspect to it so that if you cannot afford it, with an agreement to make a love donation in the future for someone who needs it but cannot afford it, I will do the work free of charge.  I’m still working out the logistics in my head and exploring the coursework that I will be taking to make this a realization.  There will be a lot of research on my end as well as some psychology coursework.

In the end I think this can be great.  Does this sound interesting to you?  Please comment here on the blog with your thoughts and any questions.  Do not reply on facebook please! 🙂

Posted on 26 February '15 by , under Dark Night, Depression + Spiritual Counseling, Growth, Sacred Mists, Training, Wicca. 2 Comments.

Onward + Upward

This is  my path, my manifestation, by my will so mote it be.

This is my path, my manifestation, by my will so mote it be.

Yesterday, I shared a very intimate part of my life…my ongoing battle with depression.  The thing about depression is that we always think we are alone and we are the only ones that are suffering when this is actually far from the truth.

I look back on the years of self-seclusion and realize that I could have been getting better support all along if I had simply opened up.  That is not as easy as it sounds of course.  We are always our worst critics and sometimes even enemies when it comes to things like this especially.

As a result of this I am going to spend time to focus on this within my own spiritual community and try to meet the needs of said community to help us all grow together.  This of course will not be something that I can accomplish overnight as it will require a great deal of time, study and hard work, which I am not afraid of.

This just FEELS right to me and it circles back with what I wanted to do in high school in some ways.  Yes this is the way.

Posted on 25 February '15 by , under Dark Night, Growth, Life, Sacred Mists, Spirituality, Wicca. No Comments.

A Witch & Depression

Shining light into the darkness and shadows...River in the campground we stayed at...a beautiful time to be in nature.

Shining light into the darkness and shadows…River in the campground we stayed at…a beautiful time to be in nature.

This is a scary thing for me to admit and it’s something not many people know but here it is.

I have had depression for most of my life, dating back to high school.  Then it was considered hormones as I grew into my adult life, then it was considered “all in my head” where no one wanted to treat me.  I eventually broke down several years ago and made my doctor listen, his response was “I don’t think you have depression and it’s all in your head.  Here are some mild anti-depressants take them as long as you want or not at all and stop whenever you want”, never once did he ask me about it again.  They did not help…they turned me into a zombie with zero emotions going through life with no joy or anything at all.  I stopped taking them.

At some point I have tried many different herbal remedies and ultimately had some successes for brief periods with them.  They never lasted long.  For years I struggled and became a shell of myself though I am easily able to hide it by turning myself “on” when I am out in the world.  Only an empath might be able to tell the difference.  I was very good at hiding except when I was at home.  Many years passed and thoughts became darker and darker until I decided that if I did not do something about it, those dark thoughts would win eventually.  I searched for a new doctor, it would be my first attempt since we moved to California.  I was a wreck right up to the appointment with panic attacks and fear of a repeat performance of the last time I tried (which now was about ten years).  I sat in the examination room and when the doctor walked in, I felt a sigh of relief within my spirit.  Something told me THIS doctor would listen.  I spoke to her about many of the things I was experiencing.  She listened to my horror stories of past doctors.  Ultimately, she diagnosed severe depression with social anxiety.  Thank the Gods!  Someone finally listened and I can get some help.  We worked on a treatment plan and since that day in December I have been back in the office several times for evaluations.  By taking a chance I saved my life with her help.

Now a lot of people have always said those that are on medications that alter their chemical composition should not practice witchcraft.  I have never understood this.  Having depression and getting treated does not mean you are incapable of connecting with deity and spirit.  I have found quite the opposite.  I have worked with deity to help me through the worst spots and even now when I have a bad day, and yes I do still have them but they are much better, I turn to spirit to help me through it.  My mental processes are much more clear and positive than they have been in years.  I truly feel other emotions now than just sadness, anger and depression, the others are returning to me and I have found as my chemical balance is restored that I can connect much better to spirit, to deity and to other people through my gift of empathy.

Am I alright?  Not yet but I can see a light in the tunnel at long last and the feels are real.  Working with spirit helped save my life before it got too bad, working with my doctor saved my life when it was too bad for me to make it on my own any more.  I feel no shame in having done these things, though I am aware that people will look at me differently now that the “truth” is out there. It is but once facet of who I am.

I am a living, breathing, healing witch.  I walk my path everyday and with every breath I feel better, with every interaction I smile and with every smile, hug and laugh…I know I am on the right road.

Posted on 24 February '15 by , under Dark Night, Growth, Life, Spirituality. 2 Comments.

Changed Forever

It’s really been quite sometime since I have sat down to write.  So much has happened since I last wrote.  The holidays were lovely until just after Christmas.  The day after Christmas I got the call I’ve been dreading, Daddy’s health was failing and it was time to come  home for that.  I left the very next evening.  I still did not make it in time to see him before he passed.  In fact I was at the airport when he passed waiting for my first flight out of the two it would take to get me there.  Not an easy thing for me to deal with, especially in public.  I stayed with my mom for almost three weeks helping her through getting things done and such.  It was a time I would do again in a heartbeat.

That period for me was hard and well I finally had my good cry just recently and I can feel that the healing will truly happen for me now.  There is so much on my mind right now that I think what I will do is a blog post about each subject over the next several days.

I have days where I call mom and swear I can hear Dad laughing at some of the dumb jokes we crack and it’s a comfort to me to know he’s watching over us.

Now that the holidays are over and life is finally settling into a normal routine again I can look at myself and say that I am forever changed.  I am missing a small piece of my heart but it will grow again with the memories that I have stored in my spirit to take up that space that his physical presence once resided in my heart.

I’m healing and starting to come out from the dark at last and it’s glorious to see snippets of me.  I’ll share my progress along the way and the rituals I do to help me through the worst of the changes. 🙂

Posted on 20 February '15 by , under Death, Life. No Comments.