Archive for May, 2014

life, or something like it

Ariyana, Lilie and C'nedra in December of 2013.

Ariyana, Lilie and C’nedra in December of 2013.

It’s been…quite busy in my life. I’ve had to deal with so much change in a short amount of time that it’s quite daunting. So much crazy, so much change that my daily posts were put on hold and I just could not allow that focus to come to be as it was needed elsewhere.

As I mentioned back in November, I lost my beloved furry friend Seth.  In early April, barely five months had passed and we lost our lovely C’nedra, our princess wonkadoodle.  A very vocal family member.  I went deeper into depression and mourning.  After a while change needed to be made, Keith sought out a new job and started working at a new place on the 6th of May.

For the most part, the depression is lifting.  I am doing another 5K and actually working on training for this one so I can accomplish it in less time than the last.  This is where I run into some of my most difficult moments.  As a fat girl I have issues with my physical body that sometimes prevent me from doing what my mind wants to do and is geared and ready to do.  When my body says STOP and my mind/motivation say keep going, I end up in more pain than I am content with.  Example, the other week, I was walking along the path behind the dog park with my husband and dogs.  We went about halfway between the dog park and Hann’s park.  On the way back I was in a bit of pain but kept trudging on, albeit slower than I started when my body said NOPE not going another step and sat down.  At this point I was beside myself emotionally and feeling like a failure because I could not complete a simple walk.  It’s heartbreaking sometimes when I WANT to do something and cannot.  Logically I know I WILL be able to do it…eventually.

I get into the headspace that pulls me down and here I am again fighting depression more.  I had a lovely lunch this past Monday with my friend Jennifer and this is something we talked about.  There were a lot of great ideas and among them was when we find ourselves giving into the despair to recognize it and force ourselves out of the house to do something…anything.  In order to be able to do the things I want to be able to do, I have to keep moving.  Movement is the important piece here.  So I’ve resolved to not have a day with less than 2000 steps in it.  Working from home, that’s difficult to some degree.  So far this week, I’ve made it everyday.  Most days I’ve made it drastically over that and yesterday over by 47 steps…Progress is good.

there is a lot more on my mind but this is a good start to getting back into updates and more often.

Posted on 22 May '14 by , under Life. 1 Comment.