Archive for March, 2013

A deep well of thanks

A modified elemental pentagram with bits added, symbolizing bits of my spirit and my joys.

A modified elemental pentagram with bits added, symbolizing bits of my spirit and my joys.

I’d like to tell a little story, one of a rocky road filled with love, laughter, joy, despair and well…life.

It’s around October of 2007 when the question came to me, I don’t remember the exact verbiage but I do remember the shock that I felt.  Something like “Dierna and Saets want to have a baby, it’s top secret right now since they aren’t pregnant yet.  Dierna is not going to be able to work for a while and I was wondering if you might consider working for me”.  Wait what?  Doing Student Services and stuff really?  REALLY?  Talk it over with Keith and see what he says I can offer you this plus you’d get to work from home.  SHOCK. EXCITEMENT!

Let me explain a little about my job to that point.  I was the “Channel Manager” which is a fancy title for does a little of everything.  I handled new plan creation, plan modifications, notifications, sales database management, sales database lead entries, sales lead tracking and whatever else they decided to throw at me.  I had been quite unhappy for a little while and of course my co-workers thought I was exaggerating in how they treated me, which to say it was bad would be an understatement.  I was miserable.  I hated coming to work on a good day and detested it on a bad day.  It was not at all a healthy thing for me to continue doing.  This offer though seemed like a silver platter filled with awesome on it.

We talked it over and decided to give it a whirl.  Worst case scenario it did not work out and I’d have to find another job somewhere else.  Best case scenario…well I’m living it, not to jump too far ahead.  After discussions we decided that I would start the following March as Dierna and Saets were successful rather fast in their endeavor and she wanted to have a few months to train me but needed to get things in line and she was not in a huge hurry…well that would be perfect.

In December I tendered my resignation effective the last day of February of 2008.  By the time I started, the first week of March, Dierna was preggy and feeling it.  We’d talk about it while we were on MSN Voice and she’d teach me how to do what she did.  HOLY CRAP there was a lot to this job.  I hoped that I would be successful at it.

That year was pretty rough for me in a lot of ways because I failed A LOT.  I messed up A LOT.  But with each mistake I learned and grew so the next mistake was something different generally.  Who knew? LOL

In the, now 5, years that have passed since that decision was made I have become a stronger woman, priestess and have found that my calling in life is being fulfilled.  Though it is not in the way I visioned it years before I met Lorien or heard of Sacred Mists, this place fills my spirit fully.  For the opportunity, I am thankful.  For the patience, I am thankful.  For the continued support, I am thankful.  For the friendships, I am thankful.  From within myself I find that I have a very deep well of things I am thankful for in this life and the lessons I am learning each day.

Me on 2-27-2013 as I was working in my living room before I left for Napa for work stuff.

Me on 2-27-2013 as I was working in my living room before I left for Napa for work stuff.

I become a little closer to my spirit each day.  I become happier each day.  I no longer resent working. I  no longer detest going to work.  I look forward to each day and each challenge with renewed spirit and joy.  There are good days and bad days and yet even the bad days are still filled with challenge, joy and love for what I do.

I hope to be doing this for the rest of my days, however long that may be.

Posted on 6 March '13 by , under Life, Sacred Mists. 1 Comment.

A flurry of activity

Walking in Hann's park, early in the morning, I get to see and hear the world as it awakes and nature begins her day filled with the sounds of birds singing and even owls getting ready to turn in for the day.  Magick & Joy everywhere!

Walking in Hann’s park, early in the morning, I get to see and hear the world as it awakes and nature begins her day filled with the sounds of birds singing and even owls getting ready to turn in for the day. Magick & Joy everywhere!

Things have been, quite busy at home the last week or so to the point that I just don’t know whether I am coming or going some days. *laugh*

It’s been a week since Tyr left and in many ways I still feel that loss very acutely and have avoided the office for about three weeks now.  Initially it was avoided as I simply did not want to be irritated at her because she would go on the floor instead of in her box, then because I was always cleaning in here and finally out of feeling guilty that I thought of myself instead of her health for so long before we let go of trying to make her happy.

I did a bit of cleaning this weekend including some serious vacuuming in the rooms that have carpet.  I think I am going to start figuring out a plan for ways to get rid of some of the ‘stuff’ I have on and in my desk to maybe eventually move to only having one big desk in here that we can both use and move my crafting table in from the garage and maybe make the “office” an office and crafting room.  I like keeping things clean so instead of putting stuff away that I don’t use, I am going to get rid of it.  *nod*

Over the last weekend I came to realize that when I do not want to face something, I  avoid it.  I see a pattern in past behavior and am not real crazy about what I see.  When I am uncomfortable, unhappy about something I try to pretend it does not exist.  It can be seen in the situation I mentioned above with the office at home.  I was not happy with the situation so I steered clear of it.  It was not a conscious decision but one I made out of habit and reflex.  I’ve decided that it is time to break this habit so here I sit in a mostly clean office with a cluttered desk.  It’s not the most comfy situation since my desk is completely cluttered but I will do this for part of today and overcome.  I will clean my desk off and get things situated so that I do not avoid a room in my home.

Years ago, I would do just that (and for many years).  It was clearly evident that I would avoid a room as that room would have the door shut or blocked so that you could not see in it.  I would put “stuff” in the room till you could not walk through the room easily and then hide that stuff with the door or a room divider to give it the ‘closed’ look.  Then I’d forget what I put in there.  Time and time again.  It’s like taking an emotion and putting it in the bottom of the well of thought and spirit and leaving it there.  It becomes distant and not dealt with.

That ends now.  If I don’t need it, I get rid of it.  If I don’t use it, I get rid of it.  If I do use it or need it, then it will be put away.  The clutter has not continued since we moved to CA and I will not allow it to start now.  I will face my shadows as they are brought to light.  I will incorporate them into my life and transform the fears into determination.

Yep a tough road ahead continues…it’s what I asked for when I put forth the magick to manifest a life in CA.  Transformation isn’t easy boys and girls but it is worth it.

I leave you with this thought…You’ve willed it, you’ve given it life, what will you do with it?  Will you let it transform you into something more or will you fear it and hide it?  I’m transforming and evolving as a woman, a wife, a friend a spirit, everyday.  Shedding my old skin for something new.

Posted on 4 March '13 by , under Life. 1 Comment.