Archive for December, 2011

The longest night

 Last night marked the longest night of the year as Winter Solstice came upon us, (and in my head I have Samuel L Jackson saying it “And Solstice came upon us with great challenges and magnificent changes”) and though I was working rather late I took time to attend the Sacred Mists Yule Ritual that was being led by Raushanna last evening and even though I knew the ritual before attending through the Third Degree submission process, I was amazed by the feelings that surrounded me.  Sometimes, I do not at all connect in a ritual and sometimes I am blown away.  Last night was the latter.

One of my biggest failures is that I am filled with self-doubt and self-defeating behaviors which create a vicious loop of me never being enough and not succeeding.  Harmful self talk creates this horrific ribbon of where I feel I have failed or not done enough and it just keeps looping around and around.  As light becomes reborn, I too am going to go through a rebirth.  There are a great many transformations that are appearing in my life.  Rebirth is on the horizon.  Working with this transformative and birth energy, I release the fear of success and never being enough (so self doubt and self-defeating behaviors) so that within myself I light the spark of successes and goals achieved, the spark of creation and life so that all doubt will be erased from my spirit and heart.

The wording on this was quite intentional because in order for me to work through this and achieve successes where I wish I must change the way that I think, I must release the fears and change the harmful and self-deprecating behaviors and words to ones that fill me with confidence and allow what is inside to shine throughout.

Over the last several months I have been challenged time and time again with  things that have threatened to change my perceptions and how I am with people and what I have to offer.  Remembering that I will always do my best, I will never lie and I will always be there when needed.  The changes are worth it, they cannot be born without pain.

I connect with the power of rebirth and light and infuse my life with the energy of Birth, with birth comes change, pain and much to rejoice in.

Posted on 22 December '11 by , under Dark Night, Growth, Life, ritual, Sacred Mists, Spirituality, Training, Wicca. 2 Comments.

Change in the Dark Night

Not for the sake of change, but because change is inevitable, we as humans must learn to cope and adapt to the things in our lives that change.  For a little while now I have been walking through a “dark night of the soul”.

The concept of the Dark Night may not be familiar to everyone and it may just sound intimidating and rather frightening.  To those of us on a spiritual journey in this life we will go through periods where we feel utterly alone, where we question every aspect of our path.  It’s isolation, it’s pain and the eventual re-join with the joy of life and spirit.

I have been neck deep in my own Dark Night now for several months.  It has seemed that no matter which direction I turn it’s the wrong avenue, it’s the wrong decision, it’s just plain bad.  Each step has been through brambles.  Each time I reach out, I am greeted by thorns and nettles.  As the year and the current Earthly cycle comes to a close from dark to light on yule, I feel too that my dark nights are coming to a blissful and well-learned end.

It’s almost as if I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Pieces are falling into place for me and though there is much work still to be done between now and the end of this cycle and dark night…the threads that existed between each event are being seen for the first time.  They are all connected and the lessons will be with me for my lifetime.

To me it seems rather synchronous that my own dark night is being worked through as the Wheel of the Year turns towards Yule, the longest night of the year.  At this point, When the light again begins to take rule over the days slowly reaching towards me, that I too come from inside this darkness and step into the new born light.

One of the constants throughout this journey has been the support of my High Priestess, Lady Raven and my sister Raushanna.  My coven mates within Sacred Mists have been there for me throughout this trying time and helping me to see that while I have felt isolated I am not.  Within Sacred Mists, I have found brothers and sisters that are available to me when I need them, friends, coven mates and soul sisters or brothers.  Each a Priest or Priestess in their actions and service.  It is a wonderful thing to have their support and caring.  It is a rare thing to find in a real life coven let alone a virtual one.

As I have journeyed down this darkened path, I have discovered again the things in my life that I wish to hold dear, the talents I have and those that I have forgotten through disuse.  At the crossroads i stand seeking direction and it is given.  Forward I shall continue through the hard work ahead so that when the light begins to shine, I can stand in it’s warmth and feel embraced and joyful.  I may actually at long last be looking forward to the holiday’s this year.

Posted on 9 December '11 by , under Circle, Dark Night, Growth, Lady Raven, Life, Sacred Mists, shadow quest, Spirituality, Training, Wicca. 1 Comment.

A dark night rambling

Tonight I had planned on heading to bed at a decent hour so that I might not be so exhausted tomorrow.  Alas this is not how it is going to be.  I was nearly asleep when I was jarred awake by a muscle spasm. Lying there my mind started to wander through my day and everything that I have been doing as of late.  The Dark Night of the Soul that I have been going through has been intense.

I’ve been weighed down and in some ways feeling a titch bit lost in some respects. I have been doing some reclaiming of myself throughout this dark night things that I love doing.  In my spare time I have begun to blend Incenses and Oils for the Sacred Mists Spellbound Wearable Potions & Anointing Oils line.  To date we’ve had but two available that have been for sometime.  This is changing.  We will have Sabbats, Goddess, God, Esbat and Altar Oils available.  I completed the Goddess oil today.  The evaluation one ounce bottles will be shipped to the store and if Lady Raven loves them as I do, they will be added.  I will have coordinating herbal jars of incense & resin mixtures.  Each blend will be unique and exclusive to Sacred Mists.

A challenge that I have been dealing with is staying balanced in this crazy holiday time.  One would think that people would be more generous of spirit during the holidays but it seems to me they are more and more aggressive, rude and all around not nice to their fellow human beings.  When confronted with this horrific behavior I am reminded that I am a creature of spirit and growth.  I am trying to choose to rise above the petty behavior and return with smiles and kindness.  I want to be a good example of a Sacred Mists Priestess.

Tonight I have lit two candles on my desk.   The one shown above is my Goddess Affirmation candle, purchased at the  Sacred Mists shoppe, hanging on my altar oil cabinet are my Amethyst and Obsidian Prayer/Affirmation strand with the Triple Goddess Symbol in Silver.  To the right of my position I have my Sacred Mists Tradition Pillar burning directly  before my Freya statue.  Freya has been calling to me for sometime and I have been working to learn of this Goddess and  her ways.  She calls me to be her Priestess now and I am learning all about what that means to her and how to put this into my own path.

Freya is said to be a Goddess of Love and Fertility.  I have, in my own workings with her, discovered her to be a sensual Goddess.  She loves to be offered fresh, strongly scented flowers and likes to have beautiful music playing.  A part of my daily workings include playing or singing a Goddess Chant.  I am going to write one just for her, not something I am good at by any means but I feel it is appropriate.  She rules over the heavenly after life field, Fólkvangr, where she receives those who die in battle but do not go to Valhalla.  By her being associated with those who die heroically in battle, she is sometimes shown as a Valkyrie in the battle fields.  She radiates beauty and wisdom.

In my workings with her I am learning (as I did with Athena in past workings) when to choose my battles so that I might be victorious and not slain.  When I do fail, my choices leave lessons that resemble scar tissue and the part of me which has failed, rises above and becomes that of a heroically slain warrior for I have passed from what was to what is with great suffering and pain (of the heart or spirit).  She is also teaching me that I must love myself most completely.  Now while I do love myself and honor myself, I do have many things that I feel are failings.  Daily affirmations are helping me overcome this as are working on the failings to turn them into something more than just a piece of me which is overly criticized.

Tonight, as I finally begin to grow weary of the day once more, I will take these thoughts of Goddess, of Sacred Mists, of my Spirit to bed with me.  I will dream vividly.  I will find the answers hidden within the dream symbols that will help me find my way through the remainder of this Dark Night.  I walk the path of the Priestess for no reason other than it is a calling a duty that I must do and one that I am committed to.  I am further committed to walking the Priestess Path within Sacred Mists and in my community serving.

May the light of the Goddess shine to your heart, may she bring you peace, love, laughter and joy.  May your path be lit and your dark night be less frightening.  You are beloved and never alone.

Posted on 6 December '11 by , under Dream, Goddesses, Growth, Lady Raven, Life, Sacred Mists, Spirituality, Training, Wicca. No Comments.

From here it gets interesting

The seasons are starting to change in Florida.  This seems a bit odd I am sure since the seasons do not change in Southern Florida the way they do when people think of seasons changing.  There are no leaf colors, there is no snow, no grand monumental change that marks the seasons.  It gradually begins to cool off and not get so oppressively hot.  Eventually tapering off to being mid seventies during the day and in the sixties at night.  Lovely and in my opinion perfect weather.

During this time I tend to do two things simultaneously.  One being a lot of end of year review and introspection, the other being spending time outside. A lot of things begin happening around Samhain and the completion is by the end of the year.  This seems to be the case for me every year.

Right now I am standing upon a precipice of magnificent change both in my personal life and that in my life as a Priestess.  At the present I feel that everything about me is ready to change and transform.  This is no small change but something that will forever be a part of me in every way.

Today I am looking around my extremely cluttered desk, and partially cluttered altar (I took pictures of a new potential product that is a Sacred Mists own creation) and two things caught my eyes.  One a pendant I have that I bought from the Sacred Mists Shoppe that is a pewter dragonfly totem on a beaded silver chain.  Normally I keep this on my monitor hanging as Dragonfly is one of my power animals.  The other was a single peacock feather that I’ve had for quite sometime.   Peacock is also a power animal.

Dragonfly has been in my dreams lately most abundantly with the most vivid but two nights ago.  I dreamt there was a dragonfly nymph in my bathroom.  Beautiful little creature with blue in her wings and green on her body.  She allowed me to cup her in my hands to release her to the outside.  Blue for healing, green for fertility and new growth. Hmm interesting I thought upon waking up that day.  Today my peacock
feather took a tumble from it’s resting place to a large glass star ‘candy dish’ that I use to hold pillar candles.  Here are the same colors with a bit of golden and indigo in the mix.

Yes things are changing, I am changing and growing.  The journey to this point in my path has been extremely brambly and nettle ridden.  I am sore, tired and hurting in some ways still from events more than a year old.  I’ve moved towards working past the hurt and healing my spirit.

What is coming, I can’t say for sure but I have been given flashes of ideas and inspirations of what may come.  I am embracing the changes, my fault and working forward.  I understand that I cannot grow and evolve as a person and a Priestess without painful lessons and decisions.  I will embrace these changes, these pains and from them become a stronger person.  I have worked very hard to learn and earn my place in my path.  I cannot allow the challenges of being a Priestess to thwart the work because for me it is all about service.  I am a Priestess, I have a calling to serve those who come to me or to where I can be helpful to them.

There is much in my mind and heart that I wish to say but for now, I will say simply this.  I am here.  I have made mistakes.  I have learned from them and continue to learn from them.  I am thankful for those who have stood by me throughout in ways that words cannot simply express.  For the small handful of people who have talked me off of spiritual ledges, thank you.  Thank you hardly can be enough.

Posted on 6 December '11 by , under Dream, Growth, Life, Sacred Mists, shadow quest, Spirituality, Training, Wicca. 1 Comment.