Archive for November, 2010

Revisiting old ways

My life has forever changed.  I can never walk back the way I came.  Sitting here in my living room this morning after I returned home from getting my allergy shots reminded me of where I came from and where I have been in the last few years.

I have seen great depression in my heart and spirit.  I have lost friends as well as gained them, I have shared much laughter and I became lost to who I am and where I come from.  There is nothing like sort of just waking up one day realizing you have been in a depression rut and that you no longer want to be in that unhappy place.

Finally I am ready to be the change I want in my life.  I can no longer allow life to simply pass me by and always be running around trying to catch up.  I must accept myself, my choices and live my life to the fullest.  Big, big changes are coming my way and for that I need to be open and willing to accept that which I may not choose full-heartedly.

One of the biggest changes we are making at home is the moving of the computers and desks back to the upstairs “spare” room.   When we first moved in our desks were upstairs.  In order to do anything on them such as gaming etc we had to be upstairs to do so which meant up and down to get drinks and being away from the computers so that we actually had a life.  This was a time when people came over and hung out on occasion and we would watch movies and just enjoy the company of one another and others in our living room.    Our desks are moving back upstairs this weekend.  We went to Office Depot and got two new desks that have hutches that we will put on the non-corner side.  There is a lot more room on these desks than the ones we put together from IKEA that had rollers on them so we could be lazy and sit at the couch and ignore life by sitting at our computers.  After the desks are set up we can start looking at re-arranging the downstairs living room and maybe going back to a L type couch so that company has a comfortable place to sit when visiting and all the cats and dog should they be allowed/want/wanted to come on the couch have the option to do so.  I am sorta partial to this couch set from RTG, anyway we are moving away from being on computers 24×7.  Once we complete this delivery of Nutrisystem we are going to stop it and I will go back to cooking healthy meals at home.  I am up earlier than I have been in years (thanks to Ariyana -the cutest Retriever ever), there is no reason that since I am up that early that I cannot do the dinner preparations and eat home-cooked meals that are not heavily processed.

The list of changes are massive and go back to a simpler way of life, one that I used to enjoy a great deal.  It is one surrounded by friends, love, books, nature and my spirit.  These are things I am all bringing back into my life.

Sitting on my patio in my $19 plastic patio chairs the other night on the full moon with nothing but the sound of crickets, our voices and the patter of puppy and cat feet I felt a great peace settle over my soul.  One that touched me so deeply that it changed me in an instant.  I almost did not notice it, it happened that fast.  The profound peace I found watching the moonrise from my patio, the joy in my heart has been ever-expanding.

I may be revisiting the way I used to live but I can never go back to it.  I embrace it as a new way, a new fork in my path, a new me.  Yes these new things have been forged by my past experiences, by the paths I have visited over the years.  I have emerged from the shadows of depression and life to find a renewed sense of purpose with my head held high I see the light through the trees.  Healing started two months ago and continues to this day.

Though I may not be able to see where this new path will take me, I know I will be walking it with some very special friends who are my family.  Chosen by spirit, bonded with love.  I made a vow that I take very seriously.  I will always stand by my vows and will walk hand in hand with my Arch Priestess Lady Raven ever forward.  She continues to teach this old dog new tricks and ways everyday.  Along the path my friends have helped me.  I am thankful for each of them no matter how I came to be friends with you.  If you are reading this know that I speak of YOU and think of YOU always in my heart.  An imprint has been made upon my spirit, for that I am grateful and thankful to YOU.

Posted on 23 November '10 by , under Growth, Lady Raven, Life, Sacred Mists, Spirituality. No Comments.

When it all falls apart

There may be times in life that everything appears to be falling apart around you. Work might be hard, home might be stressful, your free time has all but disappeared.  It seems as if you are stuck in a cycle of catching up to fall behind and thus it is never-ending.  When you are in this cycle it seems that nothing really goes ‘right’ and that you make many mistakes.  I find myself getting confused, mixing things up and sometimes missing things all together.

In order to break these cycles you have to sit down, look at the WHOLE picture of what’s going on and then prioritize then work through each task until you get them completed and implement a strategy in order to not fall into that cycle again.  In my case, I have a new schedule of how and when I do things and that includes doing things that are better for my general health and well-being.

Not quite a week ago I brought home a new member to my family.  I brought my puppy Ariyana home.  Part of my own healing process and moving forward is to get up a decent time, have my breakfast, spend some time with the cats and dog and then begin my day from a more balanced perspective.  I will work through each of my tasks in a focused manner.  I will complete tasks in a timely fashion and will still maintain my own health with breaks throughout the day for puppy training (later walking) to allow my “play” time during the day hours.

Today started much earlier than I am used to yet, it was nice having some puppy training time this morning and being able to work through a few of my Path oriented tasks.  Now I have one hour till “work” and will start a little early today so that I can get through everything that happens on Monday’s and find time to cook a dinner for my husband and I.

I have a feeling this new scheduling is going to change quite a bit about me and my own life. I am looking forward to those changes in both life and path.  Where it will lead me exactly, I do not yet know but I know which direction I am headed in and welcome those challenges.

Each day that I am gifted in this life, I am thankful for and pleased to be given the chance to both grow and teach a part of this ever changing path.  Even when things fall apart around our ears we find the courage and desire to pick things up and put them back into place and continue walking forward.  After things fall, we are never the same but changed even if in some small fashion.  Our inner alchemy has changed.  I am back on the path I belong and will continue to trod down this road, thankful for the opportunities.  The pieces are picked up and in neat piles while I determine which shelf they belong on, if they belong on one at all and getting rid of the pieces that are no longer needed, no longer serve me.

Posted on 15 November '10 by , under Life, Training. 1 Comment.