Archive for October, 2010

When nothing is left but ash

There is an old saying…”That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.”  While this is certainly true it also can jade us and turn us into crotchety old crones or hermits.  If you look at the daily goings on in your life what does it say about you, about your hopes and dreams?

I have no reason to trust people, many times this very thing will bite me in the rear-end and this is painful to the heart and leaves a mark on how I react and act with others.  These marks will forever be a part of my internal landscape and I will continue to grow.

Even with no reason to trust I walk forward trusting and trying to be the person I have always been.  Nothing but ash remains in the fires of my heart and yet from the ash I rise and begin anew.

I started this blog entry several days ago and where I was going I do not totally remember.  I am at present in the midst of working away from home and surrounded by people that I adore in Orlando for the annual trip I make to relax at Disney and work in a different type of environment around some absolutely wonderful friends.  It’s awesome to share this with everyone and makes me happy to see their faces when I get up and to take a moment here and there to talk some things out and heal some wounds and find new pathways that are  being forged.

More later when I have time to really think and do some stuff.

Posted on 29 October '10 by , under Life, Training. No Comments.

A bit of daily…

As a part of my own personal growth and evolution in this lifetime, I endeavor to live my path and to be a Priestess not only in ritual but in life.

In modern times a Priestess needs to find a means to support herself.  For many years I worked a job that was absolutely wonderful and allowed me to have a small altar on my desk (no candles or incense but it’s amazing what you can do with stone).  I was supported by my boss and then something happened.  That support went away and slowly the job became unhealthy for me.

An opportunity to work for the very place that I was a 3rd Degree Dedicant at in administration and in the online store was an excellent chance for me to continue to live in a way that I could be spiritual during the day, something my soul craved.  My dream has always been to open a Spiritual Center where peoples of all faiths could come and use the space for worship, classes, ritual and more.

Each day after I finish the mundane tasks of the morning I come downstairs and start my day with breakfast and chatting with my husband.  Once I sit down at my desk I will either light an incense stick or a charcoal tab.  Today, I lit a tab.  Following the tab I will light a candle (today’s candle is RaeAnn’s Magick) and sit quietly for a few moments and send energy or healing where it needs to go or has been requested.  Then I start my day by opening up the windows and programs I need for the morning and get started on it.

Some of the greatest and most challenging parts of my job are working to remain in a spirit space when you come across the unhappier parts of my job such as unhappy customers, students or co-workers.  Like any job there are trials associated with it and I am not always able to be a person of light but that light fades.  We are all human and have human failings including anger, irritation, sadness, and feelings of being lost or hopeless.

What I do when I come to these points in any day is I try very hard to step away for a moment by turning off my monitor and speakers.  I will focus on the flame of my candle or the scent of the incense (if it is still going).  Closing my eyes I practice some breathing techniques to bring myself back to center.  Sometimes it works and sometimes it does not work easily.

I can experience days of such great beauty that I wish to cry it from the rooftops or days of such great unhappiness I wish to crawl away and take a nap.  These are things that we all go through.  These things and how we work through them bolster and strengthen our spirit.  Just gotta keep going.  This is the hardest thing somedays…just continuing on.

The most amazing Magick is continuing in the face of adversity.  Continuing when others may wish for you to fall.

Today some of my mundane things went undone in the effort to save some time so I could write.  My candle is lit, the incense is burning and my heart is striving to soar today.  There is a great deal for me to do at work today and like all days I will try my best to get it all done and move forward with everything.

There is an extra Goddess on my altar today.  The little black goddess is a small black spiral goddess that I got at the Shoppe.  It’s there to charge up a little bit for Samhain, when I am away from home she will travel with me to be on my altar at ‘home away from home’

Each piece on my altar has a special meaning for me.  The twin bowls hold my current favorite incenses.  One which travelled all the way from Glastonbury and one that is a Kyphi Resin I get from the Shoppe.  The Bell is an Elemental engraved bell for tonal cleansing of negative energies.  It has amazing sound.  Each stone on my altar has a special meaning.  The labradorite window I sometimes use as a worry stone, the amethyst cluster was a gift from a long lost friend who is lost again, the apatite/dolomite is just an amazing piece.  The Strength worry stone was a gift from a dear friend who will always have a special place in my heart.  The Amethyst point drew me to her when we were doing inventory for the store opening.  The fluorite point was a gift from my best friend.  The wand also a gift from my best friend.  The small leaf looking thing is my travel boline.  Then there is my Venus statue by Dryad Desgin which I bought for myself and love immensely.  It reminds me that though I may look a lot like her, there is great beauty to be found in the curves and within myself.  The there is my stone offering bowl.  Each stone in it came to me by one means or another from friends and family over the years.  The bowl…I made

My altar reflects a little bit of my spirit and chaotic nature in the way that I organize and use it.  It’s extremely functional, small and a little chaotically covered. 🙂

For me having an altar on my desk truly makes a huge difference in my day and how I feel each day.  If you feel called to have an altar on your desk, they don’t take up much space and can be as small as a few stones and a votive candle.  At my old job I had a tiny little box (no bigger than an iPhone or iPod Touch) that had several small stone pieces in it and I made a small goddess figurine to sit in the sand I put in the box.  It was about 3×4 inches and always made my days easier to connect.

If you are not sure how or what to do for a desktop altar just send me a message here and I will be happy to throw some ideas out for you and maybe even show a few pictures of smaller altars. 🙂

I realize this is a bit of rambly, so my apologies for that…

Posted on 11 October '10 by , under Growth, Life, ritual, Spirituality. No Comments.

Of this I am certain

There are few things in life that I am certain of.  This is one of those things.  In adversity, in our we find our strength and our inner light.  We find our ability to shine and be more than what we were before.

This year for me has been very trying on so many personal levels that I cannot begin to adequately describe them all and give them the time that they are due.

We are approaching Samhain and I find that once more as the Wheel turns so too do my thoughts and I begin looking at my own life and the lessons of the year. When the Wheel turned past Samhain in 2009, I knew I was in for a bumpy ride between then and now.  I started saying that 2010 was a year of Transformation and boy was I right on the money about that.  Nothing is the same that was in 2009.

Early on in the year thigns started to shift and I was becoming much more project based at work and the daily to-do’s were handled by another employee.  I was truly enjoying my projects and was working on letting everything go that needed to be let go when the annoucnement came that we would be opening a physical location to go along with the online Sacred Mists Shoppe.  I volunteered my time to help get things up and running by offering to fly out to California for a couple of months to do the work needed, whatever it might have been to see it come to pass.

Little did I know how much work that would really be.  Early on in this major project things at work shifted and all that I had been letting go, again came back to me.  I had no idea how I was going to keep up with this work as well as the very intense project work associated with the Store opening.  I did poorly.  I stumbled and fell repeatedly.  Not only that but things went undone as there were just not enough hours in the day to do the physical work that had to be done in conjunction with all the other tasks that needed to be done to keep the online stuff going.  I was squeaking by…barely for about 3 months.

In those 3 months I went through a lot personally from losing a very dear friend who meant the world to me and all the trauma that went along with that.  I am choosing to not go into it as I consider it a very private matter and not one that I need to air or share with the world.  What happened, happened and I am doing my best to heal and move on from it.  Perhaps one day we will be able to talk about it but that will be between us and until then…silence is golden.  I was missing my husband more than I can even articulate.  He is very much my partner and the love of my life.  Everyday without him was a difficult one, and that is putting it gently.  During the few moments that I was able to steal away for myself (often in the middle of the night when I could not sleep), I continued to finish working on my final lesson for the Third Degree.

There is much that could be said about these three months, but for now, I simply cannot put it all into words.  My spirit was broken and trying to heal.  I was reaching out and finding my family…my chosen family that I stayed with, that of my beloved High Priestess Lady Raven Moonshadow, there everystep of the way to help me through the hard times and the depression.

On September 8th, I experienced the most beautiful Ritual I have ever experienced and that was my Initiation, naming and vow to continue to walk the Path of Wicca in the Sacred Mists Tradition as a High Priestess.  The next day I left for another life changing event.  I left for the Goddess Festival (which I rambly posted about here).  After which it was time to come home.

Once I got home I was home a scarce few days before taking off again for my Gramma’s Memorial in Ohio.  I got home again on 9/29/2010.  That was one week ago.  I have been inside my head most of the last week and looking at what I have experienced I can say I am no longer the same person I was 3 months ago.   I feel somehow brighter, lighter and ready to tackle my next challenges as I fight to finish playing catch up.

Again I have gone off in a rambly tangent of one kind or another, hopefully it makes a little sense.  Things are most certainly different now than they were.  I feel different.  I feel stirred in a direction that I must go.  I have a deep thirst once more in my spirit.

Perhaps, things are not as ‘bad’ as I thought they were but a short week ago.  There is afterall a light at the end of my tunnel down the way and who knows what will lay before me when I come out.

Posted on 8 October '10 by , under Lady Raven, Life, Sacred Mists, Spirituality, Training, Wicca. 1 Comment.

Hope forges Light

From the deepest place in my heart and spirit I have again found hope and a light at the end of the tunnel that has laid before me for so very long.

For the last several months I have been working much harder than I normally do, as mentioned in a previous post, I was in California for 2.5 months to help open a physical location to the Sacred Mists Shoppe.  This involved a whole lot more work than expected compounded with the large amount of work that I already had to try and keep up with.

Keeping up, turned out to be impossible.  Soon I was in the weeds, a little longer and I was in the forest and now…well let’s face it I am in some crazy Amazon forest that no one can even get to.

The good news is at long last I can see the end of the craziness that I have been going through.  Working night and day to get caught up has been extremely hard on me personally.  My personal life is suffering, I am missing many things that I used to be able to do, my own crafting business is suffering and well my spirit is crying.

As I work through the backlog I hope to find a balance between myself and work once again.  While the backlog is a bit on the steep side, I do see a light down the road a bit and this cheers my heart.

By the end of the week with a little help, I should be totally on top of my game and back in the saddle one hundred percent in time to have yet another busy weekend.

Hope, I have it.  I have a vision for my new sacred space and for my own health.  Now It’s time to implement that hope and make it change and reality.

Posted on 5 October '10 by , under Life. No Comments.

Thoughts on the Goddess Festival

Leona and I arrived on 9/9 in the early part of the afternoon.  We were both filled with excitement and a twinge of fear.  Neither of us had gone to such a large gathering before so this was to be an amazing experience for us both.

The cabin we chose was a little off the beaten path and near the Athena cabin.  It did not have a name so I named it Freya.  We got all settled in and she worked on my cord a little bit and slowly the cabin started to fill up.  The energy was on the rise and it was absolutely amazing.  The setting is a beautiful YMCA camp in the Santa Cruz mountains.  We were surrounded by amazing redwoods and other vibrant foliage.  It was absolutely stunning and like nothing I had ever seen (vastly different from the mountains in TN where I once lived).

This first day was fairly felt to me as a whirlwind from getting settled to the first ritual that night.  The ritual of the first night was in a word stunning.  The purpose was to bless the Water’s of the Earth.  Through this ritual we created some amazing healing for the Oceans, Streams, Rivers and Ponds of the world.  I found myself at varying times so full of joy and healing that tears simply streamed down my face gently.

It’s hard to describe what it’s like to be around so many women.  I have attended several women only circles over the years and I absolutely love them but they were always small of less than 10 people and could in no way compare to the compassion, light and amazing nature of the women drawn to this festival.

When we first broke into our generational group (by decade) it was immediately obvious that a few people truly stood out as powerful and beautiful Priestesses who feel with their heart the way that I do (they just project it better as I can tend to be a little on the shy side around people).  Immediately the stature and grace of Rabbit was amazing.  She stood taller than 7 feet with her amazing presence.  Lady Ro, enveloped you in the mysteries of the Night, Zephira glowed with such beauty and love that it simply radiated INTO each person there, I could really go on and on and on about these amazing women and the grace they all carried themselves with.  As we worked through new chants  the tears wanted to fall again.

Something was happening within me that started with my Initiation on the 8th that was changing my inner landscape to something more compassionate, something softer while still being able to guide with presence.

The ritual work continued to be absolutely amazing.  There is nothing like being in a circle of a hundred plus women who support you, care about you and want to be there with you.  The chanting, the singing, the dancing, the magick flying into the fire with our herbal spells and wishes.   You could not help but be ‘high’ on the magick that was flying around our circle.

In some ways this Festival was a bit of a detox for me.  I had been carrying around a great deal of stress that compounded over the prior two plus months and it slowly melted away and my spirit soared.  I knew that the relief would be brief, because I did have to come back to work and get caught up but it was a blessed relaxation of my soul.

Of the things I realized I missed the most in my own practice was the sound and vibrations of me chanting and singing praises.  I have been adding these into my daily practice little by little to raise my energy during my day.  I have some great ideas to bring this to the Sacred Mists Community and the execution will be in several phases.  Sound only and then Sound with Count so that those who are harder of hearing can SEE the music.

On our last night there, we had a beautiful array of performances by the generational groups.  I was exceptionally proud of the 30 somethings, we sounded amazingly harmonized for only so few practices and it was just beautiful.

At the closing of the Festival, I felt a little on the teary side to be leaving the beautiful mountains and the company of so many wonderful women.  In retrospect, I know that I am the only one who can change how I practice and those with whom I practice.
I am more deeply devoted to my Community at Sacred Mists, I am bonded to her and will continue to grow her and with her.  One thing I can do is open up a local circle for Esbats and Sabbats so that local Coven-less practitioners might join together in peace and Celebrate.

All in all this is an extremely abbreviated version of what is running through my head.  I am sure bits of it will fall into future postings as I continue to simply feel the joy from the festival in my heart and spirit.  When you look at what was done, what can be done and what will be done, you see that the power of self (whether you are male or female) can be empowered by embracing your faith, your spirit and your community.  My community is growing.  My spirit is expanding.  My light is shining.  Who will see my light and join me in South Florida is yet to be seen but they will come and in 2012, I will be back in the mountains of Santa Cruz to share my light with all these fantastic women I met less than a month ago.   I hope to continue to forge the relationships that were begun and continue to work with them.

I could not have asked for a better way to start my new path (except if Lady Raven had joined me and come 2012 I am dragging her – even if I have to kidnap her) journey as a High Priestess than by seeing the revision of spirit and remembrance of who I am.

The Goddess is alive and Magick is afoot.

Lady Lilyth is alive and Change is afoot.

You are alive and Magick is afoot!

Posted on 1 October '10 by , under Feminine, Goddesses, Growth, Life, Spirituality, Training, Wicca. No Comments.