Archive for November, 2008

Deity

I am getting better at blogging how I am progressing and my own thoughts.  Some days it is truly difficult as I sometimes just really tough it out and deal and don’t bother.

 

In many ways this is a left-over from being burned in the past, from trusting too much, from being the open-book that I am.  I am learning to be assertive for myself again and this is a hard lesson for me as I am really very easy going generally.

 

Some days I am amazed by the sheer number of personal “epiphanies” I have.  Within the last week I have truly broke through one of the Mysteries about Deity which frustrated me to no end because while I ‘got it’ I really did not and struggled with it.  I tried for many years to be a Pantheist, struggling against the very image of Deity which I had come to love many moons ago.  You see for a long time I fell into the trap that many of us do as we grow and learn.  I decided logically that each god and pantheon was separate from one another.  I decided that to see this only in one source did not make logical sense.  Logically speaking I cannot be like you, or anyone else then how could the same hold true to Deity.

 

Now we will digress to 2 Saturday’s past.  I was angry after being confronted yet again by anger upon the start of my day.  After the offending party left I took my frustrations out on my kitchen & kitchen floor.  This means maniacal cleaning, including scrubbing the tile and grout with bleach, borax and floor cleaner mixture I made (all natural except for the bleach addition) with a hand brush.  Yes on my hands and knees pissed off cleaning.  While I waited on the floor to dry I picked up my Thealogy book and read a few pages.  While reading it hit me that I have been struggling with finding balance in my life between Goddess and God for no real reason.  They are in essence the same damned thing.  Those of you who have been reading for a while may remember my post earlier this year that went into how I’ve tried to find a God to work with me yet they all turn their backs after a couple weeks and have settled on working solely with Goddess for now.  Anyway it struck me that I’ve been trying to be something that does not fit for me.  I’ve been struggling to try and fit into someone else’s mold. :O

 

This may seem disjointed but this is part of a conversation I had with another student and then with Lady Raven as well:

 

I’ve been reading one of the very few Thealogy books I have been able to get my hands on. and there have been interesting concepts which are brought up with regards to the Goddess. Aside from some of the twitchy comments such as Goddess of Wicca (um ok)…the book is terribly interesting and I am barely 1/3 through it (maybe a little more but not much)

 

it goes into things like the Earth being a super conscious being etc where it can project it’s feelings thoughts and emotions and connect them to the human experience etc 🙂 so neato  one area it starts talking about the Goddess as being unknowable as she is too vast. Compared to a large infinitely faceted gemstone talking about the varied Gods and Goddesses that are but facets of the One.

 

Each humanized diety is but a facet of this unknowable energy

that we call Goddess

this is something I have considered before

I’ve given it a lot of thought in the past and am just really starting to see that it is even bigger than I had thought. I mean…so would it not stand to reason that this unknowable energy that we call Goddess and her many facets of Kali, Hecate, Demeter, Hera, Ceridwen, Lugh, Hades, Cerrunos, etc, etc would be the *same* unknowable energy that the Christians attribute to their God…

only with a different face. and even further than that if it is this unknowable Universal Energy that sort of acts like an engine in this wonderful world and beyond

unfathomable and unknowable in whole but the facets which we work with can indeed become true reflections of a piece of that energy of that Goddess. just one tiny aspect yet with our rituals, with our worship that facet becomes a True part of the Goddess and not just a shade created by humanity to meet our requirements of diety

would it not stand to reason with all that then that we are but a projection of one of those facets? those of us who wake up to this are able to work through that and become one of those Facets in our lives. Where we are truly an embodiement of the Goddess in our lifetime and beyond we move into the realms of Spirit to continue to grow and become more?

each of us claims daily as a part of our path that we are Goddess or God…when you take the energetic side of life and have a realization that no no you really are but a facet in Her and in the web of the Cosmos which is too vast to know that we move closer to that facet. That we move beyond the human limitations and move into the realms of spirit even while living, becoming a projection,  a leader, a Priestess. Those of us who feel the Call the way that some of us do that our inner drive to lead & teach is basically our becoming more attuned to the small piece of the Goddess which inhabits us…

 

I apologize for that disjointedness but I really just had a light bulb go off after my cleaning spree.  I have stopped struggling with it and feel much more peace within about it truly.  It seems odd that I fought against that for so very long for no real reason.

Posted on 26 November '08 by , under Goddesses, Training, Wicca. 1 Comment.

Plunging Into The Deep

A recent Daily Om for a reminder to me always:

Life Can Be Scary

Life can take us on a roller coaster ride full of highs and lows and twists and turns. Even for those of us who enjoy unexpected thrills, it’s frightening to suddenly find ourselves heading for a deep plunge. Yet, it happens to all of us. At these moments, it is important to remember that you are not alone in your experiences. No matter how brave, strong, or levelheaded we are, sometimes, we all get scared.

 

Our fears may revolve around our physical safety, particularly if we are not feeling well, living under difficult circumstances, or doing work that exposes us to hazardous conditions. Or, we may be experiencing financial woes that are causing us to be fearful about making ends meet. We may also fear the loss of a loved one who is sick, or we may be scared of never finding someone special to spend our life with. We may be scared to start at a new school, begin a different job, move to a new town, or meet new people. Whatever our fears are, they are valid, and we do not need to feel ashamed or embarrassed that we are, at times, afraid.

 

It may be comforting to know that everyone gets scared, and it is perfectly OK. Sometimes just acknowledging our fears is enough to make us feel better. And while it sometimes takes a lot more to ease our mind, we can console ourselves with the knowledge that life can be scary at times. Giving ourselves permission to be scared lets us move through our fears so we can let it go. It also makes it alright to share our fears with others. Sharing our apprehensions with other people can make our fears less overwhelming because we are not letting them grow inside of us as pent up emotions. Sharing our fears also can lighten our burden because we are not carrying our worries all by ourselves. Remember that you are not alone.

Posted on 13 November '08 by , under Training. No Comments.

Mish Mosh of Miscellaneous Thoughts…

I guess I could say that it’s been an interesting week or so.  I continue to grow and evolve as a person and spirit in this world.  In the last week I have seen history made.  I have seen Hope restored to my Country and for the first time in a LONG time I am proud to call myself American.  On the heels of this election the WORLD not just the United States celebrated the election of Barrack Obama.  A man who in his campaign managed to start at grass roots and gain support and a hell of a following and with one phrase “Yes We Can” restored my hope, restored my faith in this country.  His campaign was very profound for me and while many criticize some of his ideas (and make no mistake I do not agree with all of them), he was the far better candidate and can help usher in an era that will bring pride to America once more.  Do I think he can do it in one term? No.  There is too much damage.  Aside from all that I have had many interesting things happen in the last week.

One of my furbabies was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism.  WEE!  Brayke nao plz? K thx!

Anyway…Spiritually I continue to grow by what I feel are leaps and bounds.  I am coping a little better with the trials in my life.  Each day brings me new challenges to work through and overcome.

At the present I am working very hard on dealing with stresses in my life in all aspects.

For quite sometime I have been struggling with what Doctors were convinced was a heart malfunction similar to one my Grandmother has.  In a nutshell, my heart speeds up very quickly without warning.  Then just as suddenly seemingly stops, though what is really happening is that just as suddenly as the speed up it begins beating normally.  This is quite painful when it happens and requires me to stop what I am doing for a little while and refocus and re-balance myself.  After discussing this with a very close friend & mentor, I discovered the same thing happens to her.  Doctors have never been able to catch it on ECG’s though they’ve tried.  Apparently (and it truly seems thus) my heart speeds up due to a sudden burst of adrenaline and as soon as that is burned out, it returns to normal functions.  This is a type of anxiety and panic attack so it seems.  Great.  Triggered by stress levels.  Fantastic! (sarcasm)

So I guess what I am going to be doing is working with said mentor in learning holistic ways to try and combat the stress reactions and reduce the panic attacks.  I do not want to go back on medication for depression & anxiety.  Circular breathing techniques is apparently one way to help combat.  Guess that’s in my near future.

I am trying very hard to stay upbeat and moving forward.  Some days I want to hide, I don’t, I keep moving ever forward, working through each challenge and learning all I can from it.  The only way things can possible improve is through work and perseverance.  I shall overcome.

My path is an open book for all to see and learn from as I move ever forward.  See you on the otherside of the Fog.

Posted on 10 November '08 by , under Training. No Comments.

Some thoughts…

My Horoscope for one day in recent history can easily be carried over to jut about any day truth be told:

You may be moved by the teachings of great masters and could be inspired to expand your understanding of the world around you today, which might be because you are drawn to the people who explain things to you in a way that connects with the needs of your soul. Taking time to read and reflect on the teachers you know and trust could bring greater meaning to your quest. Perhaps today you can choose a reading randomly, allowing your inner guides to direct you to what you need to hear. After delving into the reading, you might sit in meditation for a few minutes, allowing the words of inspiration to seep into your soul. You can then consider ways to apply what you have learned in order to put your expanded sense of consciousness into action.

The teachings that inspire us can also motivate us to action. Even though we may be excited and encouraged by a spiritual teacher, it is only when we find a way to use the teachings that we truly begin to know their deeper meanings, for most of our teachers put their words into action. When we see what is meant by the teachings on a visceral level, we will be more apt to integrate them into our lives, and through this daily use of what we know we gain a greater awareness of their wisdom. Using your spiritual knowledge today will bring you to a more profound understanding of how to engage your newfound realizations in a practical and transformative way.

How very thought-provoking this Horoscope turned out to be. Every day as of late, I have found myself moving to a more emotionally and spiritually rewarding life. It feels more permanent now than it ever has. I bring my faith to my daily life more and more. I’d like to say that this is a happy side effect of having a job & boss who truly get’s it and working for a spiritually based company. While I am certain that has a bit to do with it, it is not the only reason. In part it provided the catalyst for me to begin making changes in my life. By receiving the offer to work where I now work, I was able to leave a job that left a huge personal, spiritual and emotional void in my life and move into one that has afforded me more spiritual and personal freedoms.

For the first time in many years I feel fulfillment. I also am playing in a playground that I am not used to and need to learn so much still to be proficient and a true asset as I would like to be. Each day I take with a light heart and try to not beat myself up when I mess up in some way. I actually am vowing to not beat myself up at all today no matter what I do wrong. I am working very hard at moving forward with the knowledge that I will make mistakes and as long as I earn from them it is OK to make them once.

Posted on 6 November '08 by , under Training. No Comments.