So much has happened since my last post at Mabon, I hardly know where to begin…
Good news first then. On September 30, 2012 I had the honor of being initiated into The Coven of Sangha-Sho. I had been going to group functions and studying with them for a year at that point, and this amazing group of individuals has truly become my Spiritual Family. I never thought I would become part of a coven, but this group is where I belong, and I have learned so much from them all…and will continue to do so as we continue on our journey together.
Now on to the bad news…Those of you who know me in my day-to-day life are aware that last fall my mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. As it became evident that mom needed daily care, I took leave from work to care for mom so dad could continue working. Eating was difficult, the chemo was horrid, but seeing my mom – the strongest woman I’ve ever had the privilege to know – so sick and unable to do anything was the hardest.
I was away from my husband, away from my daughter, away from my grand-daughter, my friends and my coven-mates for over 2 months. I felt lost, alone and saddened by the course of events…and then it all got worse. The first type of chemo shrunk the tumor, but it had still spread to her liver. Since I’ve come back home, she’s gone through more chemo, and so far, no positive results to speak of. She has lost an excessive amount of weight and the prognosis is not good.
Now I am faced with more heartache as I tried to contact a relative that, I believed, I was very close to even though we’d been long out of touch. I thought they should know about mom’s situation so that they would have the option of talking to her. I was disappointed to discover this relative chose to reply to me via their spouse, and wishes to remain apart from the family, including me. I don’t understand why, well, I understand some of it, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I feel as though they have been ripped from me, and it hurts my heart.
Place my complete and utter displeasure in my work-life, and we have a complete picture of the heap of misery that is weighing on my chest. Which leads us to the Anais Nin quote in the picture I’ve placed in this post:
Life is a process of becoming. A combination of states we have to go through.
I feel as if this quote sums up the theme of 2013 as a whole, and not just for me, but for most of us. Yes, we go through a range of experiences that forge who we are every other year as well, but this year feels like a year of profound experiences. Great Joy, Great Sorrow, Great Upheaval. How we handle the various states we go through, both the pleasant and unpleasant, shall shape who we are to become. No matter how difficult things appear to be, I believe we all have the strength to endure…and when we feel we do not, we can find it by looking to the Goddess for guidance. We must make a point to be grateful for the blessing in our lives, to not take the joyful moments for granted and to cherish each of them.
I am going to do my best to acknowledge what I am grateful for on a regular basis. I also plan on posting here more… I know, I know, I’ve said this before….but I am trying! I think I will start with doing occasional Tarot card pulls, rune pulls or whatever kind of divination method suits my whim on any given day. So look for more from the Pixie! I also plan on posting happenings in my local pagan community.
As I leave you for today, I want you all to know that I count you among my Blessings. Many of you are dear friends, others I may not have met, but you have been kind enough to endure my sporadic ramblings and for that I thank you.
Stay courageous my friends, as you travel through your respective states, and continue on your path to Becoming.