Sidetracking and more on Spider

We had the SM Samhain Ritual yesterday, written by the dearest Lilyth.

Between Ritual and Readings there wasn’t time to do a Blog post. SO i hereby instate that on the days that SM has Sabbat Rituals I invoke the right not to post.

As the wheel begins the turning of a new year I can’t help but think about Spider and the ways I weave my life and dreams. The things I allow into the web and what I would truly like the web to look like.

I want the web to glisten and shine and be able to be recognized for beauty, endurance, intelligence, thoughtfulness…. things that build me up and support and encourage those around me.

I want to be known as caring and thoughtful to have supported my friends as they reach their dreams. I want people to know they can come to me and I will be there for them as I can.

I don’t know that I am succeeding right now. My feelings are hurt and continue to be hurt by a friend of mine. The bottom line of it is I miss her. Went back through texts and since the beginning of August every text between us has started by me messaging her. And with my stubborn pride not letting myself chase after her…. those happened at 2-4 week intervals. And you know what…. that’s not okay with me. It hurts, immensely, and the excuses and the reasons suck and what am I supposed to do? Wait it out until she becomes herself again? And what… still be here waiting? Like a lap dog….. it makes the web less shiny, a whole section I am scared to weave into because it is dark and the thread is hard to work with. Knowing someone you care so much about and value so much, doesn’t return the sentiment…. to them you are disposable at a whim.

What would spider do? Weave the reality she seeks…. weave in love with the hurt….. weave in tolerance and acceptance and healing…… weave in the strength to say wake up and recognize you can’t treat people this way…. allow the sadness to be woven over by happiness for my friend who I am so happy for, I just miss her, so much.

As Samhain marks the start of the New Year then in this next year I intend to weave in self confidence and accepting who I am and believing in myself and what I have to offer others. I weave in love and light and the ability to say that sometimes yes it is me, but sometimes it is them too.

In love and light,

Wynter Willow

Posted on 31 October '14 by , under Uncategorized.

One Comment to “Sidetracking and more on Spider”

#1 Posted by boudicca (12.12.14 at 14:56 )

Hi Wynter. I just found your blog. I wanted to thank you for this post. I sincerely wish that I had wisdom to share with you. Alas, like you, my heart is still trying to heal. I still, months later, find myself swirling through the emotions of grief.
Phew, I keep typing and deleting, and I am getting closer to spilling the tears that I do not wish to shed over her.
Please know that you are not alone. I believe that your capacity to love is evidenced by how much you hurt, and after the grieving and the growing pains, you will find friendships that can give back the same love and support you offer.
Blessed be, wynter. May you soon find peace and acceptance.