A new spiral is beginning… can you feel it? The call of the Shadow… the call of the Darkness?? Can you feel the tug within yourself, the call to go within?
I can feel it. I feel the beinning of a new Spiral, I feel the strengthening of my connection to Her, the balance within myself… and I welcome the Darkness, the preparation.
Share this Spiral with me… dance with me… meet The Lady of Avalon… meet yourself and claim your place in service to The Goddess.
In love and light always,
Posted on 3 October '16 by Wynterwonders, under Uncategorized. No Comments.
What are the lies we tell? The lies we tell ourselves and the lies we tell to other people? Are all lies malicious?
We all have private lives that we don’t present to others, the sides of our existence that we keep to ourselves… Is that secrecy lying?
When we accept less than what we know we deserve … is that lying?
When someone asks you a question that makes you over the moon excited and then attaches all these strings and it turns out the question was pointless because the event it would have lead to is never going to happen because the right conditions for it are not being met.
The truth… I am heart broken.
The lie… I don’t mention it to him and I act like it’s okay….
The truth… I am heart broken.
The truth,.. I never thought he’d break my heart, I didn’t know I could ache this much.
Posted on 3 February '16 by Wynterwonders, under Uncategorized. No Comments.
Imbolc…. the promise of Spring and the signs of it’s impending return are upon us… the first little flowers are poking out to say hello amid the cold brush of the early morning air…. it is a time of excitement and wonder as our long wynter introspection comes to a close…. nearly.
What have we learned in this long night and time alone? What lessons have been gleaned from the time with the Shadow on the long dark nights?
I can’t speak for anyone else but I have spent time this wynter at peace and finding harmony. I’ve lost a sister- not to death but to her own stubbornness. It turns out that by being close to my oldest sister, my 2nd oldest sister has decided that I am too high risk to associate with. Not even so much as a “fuck off” just blocked me on Facebook and stopped responding to my phone calls and texts, and also blocked my children. Okay, well when you decide to be a grown up again, I am here- you are my sister, just as the oldest is. I am sorry that the two of you have had serious differences, but it was never my fight. She doesn’t color my opinion of you- she never will- your actions toward me however- they do. And right now you come across as unreasonable at the very best and paranoid/crazy at the worst. And what on earth would possess you to cut off your nieces?? My children are amazing and you walked away? Again, you are coming off as crazy. This wynter I have come to grips with this- I can’t control anyone else, and that is okay, all I can do is work on myself and my reactions to the situations I face, and handle with care.
I am a daughter of the Goddess, the Great Mother, and I have spent not nearly enough time doing Imramma- I have bought from Amazon the mp3 tracks of Jhenah Telyndru, and they have been enormously helpful- I just need to be more faithful in using them.
I have been inducted as a Sister of The Daughters of the Sacred Grail– a powerful personal ceremony was completed in November after a nine month course of study. If you have any interest at all in persuing Avalon- I can’t recommend the group enough.
This time of darkness has more than any other time before it brought my closer to The Mother, my Sisters and my Highest Good. I haven’t battled the depression and defeated feeling that I have in the past, I haven’t felt the need to flee.
I have decided to start offering Tarot readings to those who seek, for now it will be offering based, as in payment is neither required nor expected, but if people feel so moved to do so after the reading, then an offering of thanks will not be rejected. I’d like to find a way to add that to this blog- a request type thing, but I’m unsure if that is possible, will have to see 🙂
Anyway, I just wanted to put something down and out there and say hello.
In love and light,
Posted on 1 February '16 by Wynterwonders, under Uncategorized. No Comments.
I recently had to write an essay about my Spiritual Journey thus far, and it was harder than I thought. For one, I had to write a similar essay when entering the program and I didn’t want to just regurgitate the original essay, but so much of the same stuff is true, well really all of it was except there have been a few changes in the last nine months. My Journey to Avalon course is reaching its conclusion, I have submitted every assignment and now am waiting to see what comes next. I believe I will have the opportunity to initiate as a Sister and move forward with Sister Level studies, and this really excites me.
The last nine months have been life changing for me, so much has happened. For one thing after much hemming and hawing and going back and forth and back and forth I made the decision to leave The Sacred Mists. It wasn’t a negative separation at all, I just felt lead a different direction, it was so hard to write the e-mail making it official, but those I love are still around me and I around them, and that is all that matters.
I have found home, I have found the destination at the other end of my heart string- it is Avalon, and the Journey has only just begun. There is so much discovering to happen and so many more questions to ask and to even think of, there is so much knowledge to seek and truth to discern and skills to master… and I am revved up and excited and rearing to go.
What am I working on now?
- Learning my around the Arthurian Tarot by the Matthews
- feeling more comfortable with Imramma
- Acquainting myself with the Chants used for Full Moon ritual, and since I am solo (the ladies are all several hundred miles away) writing my own, and for the Dark Moon also
- Reading, Reading, Reading- so many books, so many perspectives, so little time!
- My Book of Shadows- an ever growing and ever changing book of who I am, what I believe, what I strive for, what I long for, what I see, what I know, what I fear, what I want to know, who I want to be, what the Goddess means to me
- Drawing, doodling, coloring for relaxation
- Loving myself, ALL of myself
- Loving others
- Work, lots and lots of work taking up lots and lots of time
When will I be back? I don’t know, that isn’t a promise I want to make, but sooner or later I’ll be around to update!
Posted on 9 October '15 by Wynterwonders, under Uncategorized. No Comments.
Have you ever watched Charmed? I have, so many times from start to finish- thanks Netflix!
A focal point of the show is the Charmed one’s Book of Shadows- filled with information about Demons and how to vanquish them, magickal spells for everything from Karma to Luck to Glamour, potions for all occasions. It’s a beautiful book a piece of their story and in the final episode, as the show ends, Piper talks about how they added to the Book themselves telling their story and passing on their wisdom. Of course, it is these final statements on the Book that I relate to the most- I mean, as far as I know I none of us will need to vanquish Balthazar anytime soon.
As I have been watching the show again lately though, I can’t help but think of my own Book of Shadows and what is, and isn’t in there. What do I want in there? Is there room for Demons in my Book of Shadows? Yep, lots of room. Maybe not Demons that show up in a ball of fire and Shimmer to get away when I turn my back- but we all have our Demons to deal with don’t we? Self-Doubt, low self-esteem, the ways we don’t respect ourselves? How we overcome impatience, frustration, anger… Demons we contend with every day.
I have quite a bit in my Book Of Shadows- a dedication, a Charge of the Goddess and Charge of the God I wrote myself, the 13 Goals of the Witch, information on the Sabbats, a Correspondence chart for the Moons each month, my First Degree Course Work for The Sacred Mists, my notes on Avalon Within, Ladies of the Lake, Spiraing the Circle of Stones, meditations I have written, Rituals I have written, Apothecary items I have made and used, the Cleansing Ritual I use for my home, spells I have written, information on Gems and Herbs, information on my Totem Animals… even some journal entries are in there.
There isn’t much in there about Shadow Work, I’ve always kept that in separate journals, but I have been thinking that needs to change- our Book of Shadows is supposed to be the story of our Journey- so isn’t it important to make sure it reflects the WHOLE journey- not just the Light parts?
Just thinking out loud over here,
Posted on 26 June '15 by Wynterwonders, under Uncategorized. 1 Comment.
We hear it said that time heals all wounds…. I am not sure I believe this to be true. I believe that there are tragedies in our lives that we never “get over” we simply learn to live and reside within a new normal. I believe there are pains so great that our soul carries them forward into our next life and maybe even more than that until the wrong is rectified and the Soul experiences what should have been in the first place.
We choose our life, we choose the moment we are to be reborn and use the stars to tell ourselves what it is we have chosen. It is the ultimate level of accountability…. because it means you not only choose your triumphs….. but you also chose your tragedies. It isn’t that God won’t give you anymore than you can handle…. it is that you won’t go through more than your highest self has said was acceptable.
Think about that for a minute.
Right now you fall on a spectrum somewhere between “I never thought of it that way, wow what have I done to myself” and ” I am never reading this Blog again because Wynter is nuts.” It’s okay… you don’t have to agree with me, but for me this realization, that I brought this life on myself was both at once terrifying and empowering.
I can let go of the man my father isn’t to me. My Higher Self doesn’t need him active with me this time around to grow…. I can accept that it was meant to be this time around to know the pain of a father who is incapable of showing that he loves me. And all at once wonder what the heck my higher self was thinking…. she must seriously be a glutton for punishment.
In my life I have known loss, I have known the loss of a baby. What it is to not meet the life growing inside me. This loss crippled me, and I thought I might implode and never recover. People I love rallied around me and I drew on their strength and love and adopted a fake it till you make it mentality. I haven’t made it yet. I have grown close to a woman in the last few months as she finished her pregnancy and has welcomed her daughter into the world. I have rejoiced with her and am truly happy for her. I love her. I would never wish for a minute for her to know my pain. But I see her, through pain colored glasses. A pain that flares everytime I see her precious little one. A pain that flies in beside the joy. I have accepted the loss of my little unknown, I recognize it is a mourning that my normal didn’t change. Having this pain doesn’t mean I can’t be happy for her, I believe quite to the contrary. Having the experience I do makes me uniquely (unfortunately not uniquely as far too many women know the pain of this loss) qualified to be elated for her and this precious little girl who I dreamed of before she was born and whose name was told me in that same dream before it was announced and before I even knew the options.
I feel guilty for having a hard time with this because there should be only joy, but the human construct is so complicated and we are capable of feeling so many things all at one time. We aren’t Tinker Bells.
I don’t even want to post this for fear that she may see it, for fear it will hurt her….. but I need to voice it because today it feels like I am being consummed.
Posted on 21 November '14 by Wynterwonders, under Uncategorized. 1 Comment.
I saw something on Facebook, one of the myriad of memes available and it said:
“Fear doesn’t keep you from dying, it keeps you from living”
Which got me thinking about the ways I freeze in my life. Moments of doubt, times of worry, living in fear. We can’t know everything that is going to happen. It simply isn’t possible….. not even with all the Tarot cards in the world. There is always going to be the unknown.
So how do you handle the unknown? Well me, I pine and ponder and wonder and usually work myself up into a tizzy because I just want to be aware of what is going to happen. I take my own joy away by doing this and I am almost always wrong- things have rarely been as bad as I think they are going to be.
Ways to combat fear, doubt, and worry:
♡keep a gratitude journal
♡leaning on a friend
♡look to your past and other tough situations you have come through
Also, and this is very important and also comes froma Facebook meme:
“Before you diagnos yourself with anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem first make sure you are not in fact surrounded by ass holes”
In love and light,
Posted on 8 November '14 by Wynterwonders, under Uncategorized. No Comments.
A great deal of time is spent talking about doing Shadow work. Looling into yourself and facing the darkness. For many, at least for me, my first delvings into the Shadow caused me to look a great deal into my past. Into my childhood. A lot of time was spent dwelling on things beyond my control (I was a child) that caused me pain.
Facing issues with my father, issues with men I saw come and go from my life, not so nice men that occasionally inhabited my world. Dealing with torments of a speech delay that has since long passed and getting to the root of things that left me with an overall sense of not being worthy.
I think that many face some of the same issues and not everyone deals with it the same way. Some get stuck in it and never allow themselves the possibility to grow. These people become victims in their own mind and never reclaim their power. Sometimes the level of accountability is just too great and it is easier to live in a place where nothing is in our control because then nothing is ever our fault.
Owl causes me to look inward, at myself, at my own motivations and desires and to transform and take flight. It isn’t always an easy totem to live up to the expectations of.
But what about facing the Shadow within the person I am now? The Shadow side of myself that can be selfish and demanding and allows for the darkness to be involved.
I was told by a dear friend in New Zealand that I am all light. And while I appreciate the sentiment I have to disagree. No one is all Light all of the time.
There is the part of me that demands my needs be met and the part of me that is petty and selfish and controlling….. and the part of me that is pragmatic and allows for certain discomforts in order to maintain overall comfort and stability.
There is a not so distant Shadow, one formed by the choices I make every day, now, as an adult. And I am okay with that. And those who love me are okay with that too. Because it isn’t enough to just seek to see the Divine in everyone and love them because the light is there. We have to equally embrace the Shadow in ourselves and accept the Shadow in others so that we can love the whole…. not just the parts that make that love come easy.
In love and light as well as darkness,
Posted on 5 November '14 by Wynterwonders, under Uncategorized. No Comments.
I didn’t always know about Totems and Power Animals, I didn’t always know about Animal Magick and how we are guarded, guided, and gifted by the animals that walk this amazing Earth we live on.
From the time I was a very young child I have always seen Owls. Yes, I know, people see owls, as they are real, but I have always seen them, any time of day, whenever I am experiencing extreme emotion- good or bad. I have noticed them during drives to work when things were lousy, I caught a glimpse of one each of the days I found out I was pregnant for my daughters. There was an owl in the woods, where I went to hide after the passing of my grandfather. They have never scared me, I have always had a deep love of owls and disagreed with those who claim they are a negative omen. I’ve joked I’d love to have a pet owl. I have been connected to and in love with owls long before the cutesy folk art owls became the “in thing” and decades before I knew that Owl is main totem of my soul.
My sister C has been Wiccan since she was 16 years old. When I came out of the Broom closet to her, I didn’t know this, and it was amazing to have her to learn from. When she came to visit me (she lives about 1000 miles away) for the first time after knowing she helped me do a cleansing of my house. It was the middle of the day, about 1pm when we finished and as we sealed the final door and completed the cleansing an owl hooted from my backyard. She looked at me and said “did you hear that?”… I was like “oh yea, Owls are always with me”… she was the one who gave that connection and bond a name, she said “owl is your totem”. I didn’t know what she meant but I started learning and looking into it and finally I had a name for what had been going on my entire life. Some time later I wrote a meditation, as part of a challenge to write a meditation revolving around a Spirit Guide. I’d like to share this mediation here:
From January 2013
Light a white candle and focus your eyes on the flame. Begin breathing slowly and deeply. Inhale to a count of 4 hold for a count of 4 and then slowly release the breath to a count of 4. Continue this pattern while gazing into the flame until the world around you melts away, your hearing is dulled and there remains only your breathing, the flickering fire, and you are relaxed.
Looking in the flame you see a woman. She has long platinum hair blowing in the wind, she wears a long white robe and a silver colored hooded cloak. She is walking through the forest…. You follow her.
She has a warm smile on her face, and speaks not a word, she looks up into the trees and you can’t help but look up to find what she is looking at. You don’t see anything other than the tall trees around you, strong and sturdy, with large, wide trunks and beautiful strong branches.
You continue to follow her through the woods down a meandering path until she leaves the path behind. She moves fluidly through the forest, and you carefully push away branches and keep from tripping over roots and rocks.
There is a noise coming from above in one of the trees. She stops beneath it, a solid pine tree with many branches and to you they almost look like a staircase going into the canopy. Your beautiful guide looks at you, then looks up into the tree and you realize that you need to climb the pine branch staircase.
You feel young and limber as you begin your journey up the tree, the branches are perfectly spaced and the climb is not hard. Higher and higher you climb, the forest floor no longer visible to you, and yet you go higher and higher….. the sound you heard on the forest floor becomes louder and louder with your ascent and you finally put together that it is the hooting of an owl.
Up and up into the canopy you climb until you reach a platform. When you were a child you dreamed of a tree house such as this, a sanctuary where the sounds of the world fade away and nothing could possibly harm you. You look out from the platform and realize you are hundreds of feet above the tallest of the forest trees, and the sight is breathtaking. You are at the top of the world and the visibility is endless, beyond the forest you can see the village where you are from and everything looks so small.
You turn around to face the tree again and on the platform, across from you, is the largest owl you have ever seen, and its eyes seem to be looking deep into your soul. You fall to your knees, you have never seen such an animal before. Standing 5 feet high, with the purest white feathers, speckled with shimmering gold and silver feathers at the tips of its wings. Eyes of brown and gold with blue seeming to swirl throughout.
The owl hoots, a loud almost hideous sound, but all you hear is beauty and glance up as the owl stretches out its wings and a singular silver feather falls from the mighty owl and lands on the platform just in front of you. The owl hoots again and you know deep within you that this feather is meant for you.
The feather shimmers and sparkles and you touch it ever so gently before picking it up into your hands. Is that? No, it can’t be… but it is…. Your name is written on the tube of the feather, and after your name is the word wisdom. You tuck the feather behind your ear, not knowing why you are compelled to do so.
The great owl turns its head away from you then looks back toward you and another hoot escapes its lips, only it sounds like a song, a lullabye you’ve heard before, and you join in the song. When the singing is over the great owl tells you to take flight…. You understand what she is saying, and before you know you are doing it you turn your head full around to look behind you where the owl is telling you to fly… then you remember that you shouldn’t be able to do that so you try to reach for the feather behind your ear, and instead of a hand your wings spread.
The great owl seems to be laughing at your bewilderment as you turn and walk to the edge of the platform before opening your wings and leaping off the edge. The wind catches in your wings and not knowing you are flying over the forest. You make great circles and daring dives and come back up toward the moon. The wind carries you some of the way, your wings carry you too.
You don’t know how long you’ve flown but you make your back to the platform and the great owl. The Great Owl asks you why you jumped so easily from the platform, and you answer because you just knew it would be okay. Owl tells you that this is true in life as well, you must take great risks to enjoy great rewards. That people die and things go wrong but that all things work out as they are meant to in the end. The Owl tells you that you shouldn’t be afraid of the unknown but to embrace it and welcome it so it can stop being a stranger. That change can be exhilarating and that only through great change can we grow and become all that we are meant to be.
You promise the Great Owl that you won’t forget the lessons you have learned this night, and you will never forget that she let you taste true freedom. The Great Owl spreads her wings and you walk toward her and press against her chest. She brings her wings down around you close your eyes and thank her. When your eyes open you are back on the path in the forest, with the platinum haired woman, you can see your village from here and realize you’ve been transported back to where you started. You look closely at the woman’s eyes and realize they are brown and gold with blue swirling through them. You smile back at her and walk back toward your village.
As you walk allow the world around you to come back into focus, you are in your room, in front of the candle and the flickering flame. Slowly let the sounds of your house come to your ears and welcome you back to the here and now.
Posted on 4 November '14 by Wynterwonders, under Totem Animals. No Comments.
We had the SM Samhain Ritual yesterday, written by the dearest Lilyth.
Between Ritual and Readings there wasn’t time to do a Blog post. SO i hereby instate that on the days that SM has Sabbat Rituals I invoke the right not to post.
As the wheel begins the turning of a new year I can’t help but think about Spider and the ways I weave my life and dreams. The things I allow into the web and what I would truly like the web to look like.
I want the web to glisten and shine and be able to be recognized for beauty, endurance, intelligence, thoughtfulness…. things that build me up and support and encourage those around me.
I want to be known as caring and thoughtful to have supported my friends as they reach their dreams. I want people to know they can come to me and I will be there for them as I can.
I don’t know that I am succeeding right now. My feelings are hurt and continue to be hurt by a friend of mine. The bottom line of it is I miss her. Went back through texts and since the beginning of August every text between us has started by me messaging her. And with my stubborn pride not letting myself chase after her…. those happened at 2-4 week intervals. And you know what…. that’s not okay with me. It hurts, immensely, and the excuses and the reasons suck and what am I supposed to do? Wait it out until she becomes herself again? And what… still be here waiting? Like a lap dog….. it makes the web less shiny, a whole section I am scared to weave into because it is dark and the thread is hard to work with. Knowing someone you care so much about and value so much, doesn’t return the sentiment…. to them you are disposable at a whim.
What would spider do? Weave the reality she seeks…. weave in love with the hurt….. weave in tolerance and acceptance and healing…… weave in the strength to say wake up and recognize you can’t treat people this way…. allow the sadness to be woven over by happiness for my friend who I am so happy for, I just miss her, so much.
As Samhain marks the start of the New Year then in this next year I intend to weave in self confidence and accepting who I am and believing in myself and what I have to offer others. I weave in love and light and the ability to say that sometimes yes it is me, but sometimes it is them too.
In love and light,
Posted on 31 October '14 by Wynterwonders, under Uncategorized. 1 Comment.